Sweet Dreams Casey
by Dye-my-hands-violet
Summary: Casey wanted to liberate herself from the predictable pattern shes been in. Derek thinks shes flirting with him. Has Casey released something dangerous within them both? What end can it bring them? Rating MA. R&R. DARK DARK Dasey. Faint hearts are warned.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note******I was inspired by When0Derek0Met0Casey's video Sweet Dreams Casey and I thought I would take a certain tangent off of that idea. It isn't going to be the same plot that she had in mind, but I've spoken with her and she's fine with that. I just thought that you all should know that is where the inspiration for this story came from. I will warn you that this will be VERY dark and that anyone who does not want to read about rape and possibly suicide they should NOT read this story. I will have detailed descriptions but for my minds' sake I may leave a few things out. Just know what you are getting into BEFORE you read this story.

You have been officially warned.

**Disclaimer******I own Life with Derek. In your face Daphne Ballon. (Jk. Mon Ami. Jk.).

"_There are some things in the world that I would have liked to have never have seen." _

Casey peered out of her window, gazing at a boy six months older than her. 

"_And some people I'd have preferred never to have met." _Casey twiddled her fingers on the keys' of the keyboard. It was the first entry of her new online journal and she was indeed about to write about Derek. 

"_But instead of complaining about the same things I've complained about for a year and a half now…I thought I'd try liberating myself from this sappy little predictable girl I've become. I don't want to be Casey McDonald, that girl who everyone knows is never going to kiss a guy she doesn't know and will always hate the cool jerk she lives with…" _She smiled as she wrote her own inspirational words.

"_I'm going to be Casey. Short, sweet, and so unpredictable that the shock may kill. Be wary Thomson High. Be wary McDonald-Venturi household. Miss-Priss is now: Dangerous."_

Casey let a smirk spread across her face. She again peered out the window to give Derek a look of confidence and triumph. He was no longer outside. Soon, her door handle twisted and she turned, the smirk still on her face. 

"Casey." Derek said stiffly as he shut the door. Casey raised her eyebrows and he sat on the bed.

"I'm still glad you're so…comfortable just _coming _into my room." She said with and arrogant and sarcastic smile. 

"Yeah, It's so great that even though you try to run things I still get my way, now onto why I came in here." Casey sighed and looked out the window. _Be unpredictable. He knows you will sigh, and he knows you won't listen. Turn back around and be unlike you._ She turned back to him as he started speaking. "I took a couple of your shirts to give to my ex-girlfriend, before we broke up, for her birthday. I just thought I'd let you know she gave them back." He pulled out four of Casey's recently-gone-missing shirts. "She gave them back in shreds." Derek's smirk was unmistakable. He predicted what Casey may do. As all who knew Casey, knew she would do. 

"Well, thanks for giving them back. I may be able to wear a shirt underneath and wear the shredded shirts over it. It might actually look cool." Derek was taken back. His eyes shivered a little and Casey smirked. 

"Hmm. Thought you'd be a little more upset." Casey laughed. 

"You thought?" She smirked and took the four shirts from him and left her room.


	2. In Human Nature

**Author's Note****** It will start getting dark around chapter 6 or 7, just so you know. This fic is not complete, but I will probably be working on it everyday. Something about the darkness needs to get out of me. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer****** Dye-my-hands-yellow is screaming bloody Michael Seater. At one time I may have trusted her, but the little skank doesn't know he's actually sleeping in my bedroom. I own nothing. But MSeater's boxers. (HA!)

Liberated Casey walked down the stairs to the dinner table with such an air of confidence and spontaneity that Lizzie twisted her face in confusion. 

"Are you alright Casey?" Casey took a bite of her food before answering Lizzie. Her eyes wandered to her little sister and she swallowed.

"I'm perfectly alright. Why do you ask?" Her grin could not be removed. Derek kept his eyes on her. Intent on her motives. 

"You aren't on...drugs…are you?" George leaned in cautiously to say it before Marti got to the table. Casey laughed. 

"Of course not. Why would you think that?" The un-liberated Casey was screaming to get out. _Of course not! How could you even THINK that?_

"Blood-shot eyes." George remarked. Casey touched her eyes. 

"Oh, well I was on the computer for about 3 hours setting up my online journal and doing some other things." She dismissed it. 

"Hey Dad, can I go over to Michelle's this weekend? She's going bowling with her family and she wants me to meet them." Edwin asked while shoving food in his face. 

"Sure. I see nothing wrong with it." 

"Well, Mom," Lizzie piped up, "Is it ok if I go over to Jamie's? He invited me to play some soccer with some of our friends." Nora looked at George for a moment.

"I don't have a problem with that. Have fun Lizard." 

"Thanks!" Lizzie began eating her food while glaring at Edwin. Marti climbed up into her chair and started eating.

"Does that mean me and Daphne can go over to Dimi's?" A chunk of potato fell out of her mouth. Un-liberated Casey screamed and rattled her cage. _Oh, that is just SO gross. Don't talk with your mouth full! Pick it up before it falls onto the…_the potato hunk fell off of Marti's shirt and onto the floor…_floor._

"If it's alright with Dimi's parents." Nora said sweetly.

"It will be. It always is." Marti said arrogantly. Derek laughed. Casey glanced at Derek. His eyes turned to her and instead of her squinting her eyes she simply raised her eyebrows and smirked. _Predictable? Could you have predicted an unpredictable streak? Take that Venturi._

The Wednesday night whirled down to Casey's kitchen duty and a house of sleeping people. She kindly scrubbed the dishes, happy for the silence and time to think on her now liberated self. 

_Is it alright for me to be dangerous? I mean, I haven't stepped to dangerous territory yet. But the unpredictable people are followed by unpredictable patterns and now that I've started it, if I continue it at school, _

_Will I gain an unpredictable trail? It's not like it could be a bad thing to let myself change into something I'd rather be. I won't let myself get stupid though. I already did that with Max. Unpredictable and intelligent. I'm going to be frightening. _

Casey smirked and moved onto the next dish. 

"Are you sure nothings' up with you?" A deep voice called to her. She lifted her head up, leaned sensually against the sink and turned her head.

"What ever do you mean Derek?" He walked a little closer. 

"You didn't act how you usually do. Did…Something happen at school today?" Casey looked at him, still smirking.

"_Casey, of course you signed up for that. You are so predictable it's painful. But do you think for ONCE you could have left me out of it?" Emily said in aggravation._

"_Em, I needed a partner and you were busy talking to the jock on Max's football team that you just won't get over."_

"_How predictable. You do something that involves me not wanting to do also, and then find a way to make me feel guilty."_

"No. Why would you think I needed a reason to be different. Not that I am different." Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe because you need a reason for _everything_. It's in your…nature." Casey turned her whole body to him.

"Well, it's also in _human _nature," Casey was gaining an attitude, she dashed it away quickly and added a sweeter voice, "to change. What's wrong with wanting to be…better." She smirked with a slightly open mouth, tongue lining against her teeth. Derek's eyes softened. "Besides, why do you pay so much attention?" Casey raised one eyebrow.

"I don't know." Derek said tilting back. "I'll have to get back to you on that one weirdo." He turned away, and Casey felt strange. Not happy strange, defeated strange. A face that Casey couldn't see, Derek's face, was twisted into a pleasure smile, and he walked upstairs feeling as though what he wanted all along was now on the horizon.

_I knew she'd come along eventually. _Derek thought to himself, laying on his bed. _They always warm up to me eventually._


	3. Because I Wanted To

**Author's Note****** I hope you all like this chapter also. I'm going to post chapter four after I reread it and make sure it's alright. All reviews are helpful and appreciated! Constructive Criticism is always welcome:D

**Disclaimer****** I own nothing.

Thursday morning, Casey woke with a smirk she held in her sleep. Such a dreamless sleep that she felt refreshed and ready to be her new liberated self at school.

_But I need to prove that I am liberated. _

Casey walked out of her room and opened the closed bathroom door. Someone was in it, taking a shower but she did not care, nor did she care as to who it was. She grabbed her toothbrush and started brushing her teeth. Before she was finished Edwin pulled back the curtain and let out a yell.

"Casey!" Casey turned to him and he had all but his head covered up. "What are you _doing_?" She smiled and looked away.

"Brushing my teeth. What does it look like I'm doing?" Edwin sighed.

"What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, I'm just trying to be true to myself." Edwin let out a short laugh.

"Yeah, if being true to yourself means acting more like…" His eyes got huge. Casey knew the name he was about to say. _Obviously everyone is getting the idea…but Derek isn't intelligent, so I'll have to change the attitude a little._

"I'm sorry Ed. I'm all finished." Casey rinsed her toothbrush and exited the bathroom.

Lizzie looked at her sister.

"I thought Edwin was in there." She looked at Lizzie.

"He was." Casey left Lizzie before the shock could settle in and went to her room to change.

Eyeing all her clothes, she tried to be unpredictable with the style. _Everyone expects me to wear something clean, tidy, and bright. So I need something messy and dark. Oh yeah! _She remembered the torn shirts Derek had given back to her. Two were pink, one was blue and the other was white with little pink flowers on it. Casey grabbed the blue shirt and put her black babe raider shirt on, then threw the blue one over it.

_Hmm. Actually looks nice. _She grabbed her old black capri's. _Now what to do with my hair. I need it to be a little messy and untidy. _Casey grabbed a pony tail and hurriedly tied it together. _It's not even a little messy…_ Casey let out a sigh. Frustrated, she took the ponytail out and grabbed hairspray and lightly sprayed her hair. Quickly, she put her hair back into the ponytail and yanked it in strange directions.

It was now slightly off center and had odd strands sticking out in weird places.

_Perfectly imperfect. _Casey confidently crossed her arms.

"Do I have any eyeliner?" Casey thought for a moment. _Well I don't want to go too punk-ish. Scratch eyeliner. Just foundation and lip gloss. And blue eye-shadow. To match the shirt. I'm messy enough to match a little. _

She left her room and went downstairs to get some breakfast. _What do I usually have? _Casey eyed the cereal cupboard. After looking for a few moments, she grabbed Derek's cereal.

"What are you doing?" Derek said arrogantly to Casey, knowing exactly what she was doing.

"Getting breakfast. Could you hand me a bowl." He stood still for a moment, then reached for a bowl. Casey leaned across the island to grab her stuff and as she pulled it closer to her Derek got dangerously close to her. She lifted her body up and her back was almost touching his chest.

"Enjoy my cereal." He whispered darkly in her ear. A shiver ran down Casey's spine and she looked back at him. _What would un-liberated Casey say? "Back off jerk." Liberated Casey?_

"I will." Derek gave out a short breath and left the kitchen.

When they all finally got to school, Emily had the most funny shocked expression plastered on her face.

"Casey…" She said cautiously.

"Yes?" Casey said obliviously as they walked to first period.

"This is even worse than when you were babe raider. What did you do to your shirts?" Un-liberated Casey screamed the truth, but no one would expect her to lie.

"Well, I decided I wanted to break free from my predictable pattern. And I also dropped us out of that contest I signed us up for. I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission." Emily crossed her arms, still trailing in the shadow of Casey.

"I accept your apology, but there's nothing wrong with being predictable. I was just upset. You didn't need to shred your clothes." Casey glanced back, but continued walking.

"I didn't shred them because of what you said. I shredded them because _I _wanted a change." Casey turned the corner at the end of the hallway.

"But Casey-"

"Look." Casey stopped in the middle of the hallway. "If there is one thing about me that won't change it's the fact that I only change myself when I _want _to, and I _don't _want to change back." She turned back around and walked to first period alone. Emily was left standing in the middle of the crowd, confused.


	4. Dangerous Territory

**Author's Note****** This IS short for a good reason alright. Now that I have the entire plot set-up out the chapters will be longer, with more detail. Occasionally, I plan to dabble into Derek's mind but I found that I wrote better in Casey's POV. I hope you all enjoy:D

**Disclaimer****** I own nothing.

"_Such a wonderful day at school! I felt so completely liberated. I got asked out by three different guys and after a discussion with Emily she said she was behind me 100 percent as all great friends are. She said that she was just a little shocked, but I think she was under-exaggerating. _

_In any case, Derek's posse ditched him to come sit with me at my table and instead of the same old stuff people expected me to say, I made jokes, and I laughed. I was like one of the guys but I was still a girl. I felt so refreshed. Eventually Derek got of his high-horse and came to sit with us at mine and Emily's table. He was smirking strangely at me, but I didn't pay much attention to him._

_Sam asked if me and Derek still fought. I didn't respond. I only smirked and left him questioning. Well, I would have left him questioning if Derek hadn't opened his mouth. He said, 'No, actually we've been getting along great. Klutzilla is actually pretty awesome.'. I don't know if he seriously meant that, but…it heightened mine and Emily's popularity. Since I dumped Max, Max totally shoved me away from all of the other popular people that used to accept me. _

_But I guess it is true that only one person needs to accept you in the popular crowd for you to be popular. That one person was Max. _

_And then again," _Casey smiled at her computer screen, _"I earned this newfound popularity on my own. Liberated Casey is more fun but still me. I love it."_

Derek walked into her room, shut the door and sat on her bed. Casey quickly logged off her online journal and turned to him. 

"What is it?" She asked lackadaisically.

"I've been thinking that you've changed because of me. Haven't you?" Casey giggled. 

"No. Where'd you get a strange idea like that." Derek stood.

"Well, I thought you liked me." Casey raised her eyebrows and leaned back. 

"What?" She said softly. Derek took a step forward.

"Well, I've wanted to…date you for quite a while but I figured it was never going to happen, but you are definitely flirting with me. You definitely want me." Casey shook her head.

"Actually, no I really don't." Casey then turned away, her heart racing. 

"You can't deny me for long McDonald. You're starting to crack, and let out your flirtatious side with me. I'm undeniable." Casey stared at her monitor, trying to pretend he wasn't there. A hand touched her shoulder and then she heard him leave the room. The door shut and she turned to stare at it. 

"Oh…my god…" Casey started shaking slightly, and turned back to the computer. After re-logging into her online journal, she got up and locked her door.

"_Dear…Journal,_

_A step-brother, a bother, the one person whom I have no respect for…wants me. And I know this because he just told me this. And he thinks I want him too. And I don't. _

_And it's because I've liberated myself that he thinks I'm flirting._

_Have I just stepped into dangerous territory?"_


	5. Liar

**Author's Note****** Here is chapter five! Getting deeper and a little darker. If you guys feel like I may be taking it a little too fast let me know alright? Let's play a game! If you can find the symbolism I put in this chapter AND what I intended it to mean...I'll make a requested one-shot for you. And if you don't want to request a one-shot you can still do it for fun:D First one to get it gets the prize:D

**Disclaimer****** I own nothing. D: Isn't that unfortunate?

After about an hour of turning her brain around the fact of Derek wanting to be with her, she exited her room. Slowly she walked past Derek's door and went down the stairs. He was watching Hockey downstairs. Casey breathed in and walked down the stairs. Derek didn't turn, and he took no notice of her footsteps. She smiled. Un-liberated Casey was thoroughly afraid, _so liberated Casey must be the opposite. _

"Hey Derek, have you seen Lizzie?" He turned and looked at her. 

"No, why?" Casey shrugged her shoulders. 

"Thought I'd get a little education on soccer. I like the idea of sports and since I work out already, I'm fit for it. I've just never tried it." Derek furrowed her eyebrows.

"Um…alright? She should be around here somewhere. Go look." He made a go away motion with his hand, dismissing Casey from his presence. _It's cause you're obsessed with that stupid hockey game isn't it. I don't need your help you ass. _

"Alright. Thanks anyway." She wanted to sigh, but changed it to a smile and went to the kitchen. Nora was starting on dinner and George was doing the laundry. "Mom. Have you seen Lizzie?"

"I think she's in the back with Marti." Nora said, not looking away from the spaghetti noodles she was stirring.

"Thanks." Casey turned and walked past George and exited the house. 

Marti and Lizzie were running around with little nets trying to catch the butterflies. Casey giggled.

"Hey Casey. What's up?" Lizzie asked while taking a small swing at a butterfly. She missed, then stopped to look at her older sister.

"Nothing much. I was wondering if you would teach me a little bit about soccer. I want to get into sports." Lizzie crossed her arms. 

"Who is the guy this time?" She said in aggravation. Casey didn't change face. _Why does she think this is about a guy?_

"It's not a guy. I want to learn soccer. Or _some _sport. What's wrong with expanding my horizons?" Lizzie set her net down and walked up to Casey. 

"Come on Casey. Blue eye shadow, new look, new attitude. And now? You want to learn soccer." Lizzie looked deeply at Casey. "It's a guy. Those are the signs you always show when you like a guy."

"Guess it really isn't this time."

"You are a really bad liar. And I'm not teaching you soccer just so you can have another relationship like the one you had with Max." She looked away from Casey and walked into the house. 

Casey eyed the backyard carefully as though it would tell her why Lizzie acted so hurt by her asking about soccer.

"Why'd Lizzie leave? We didn't get the butterfly family! We only have butterfly Derek." Marti pointed to the cage that held a greenish-black butterfly.

"I think Lizzie is frustrated with me." Casey looked back at the door.

"No. Not with you." Marti said while trying to catch a purple butterfly. "Edwin is getting under her skin." Casey raised her eyebrows. "He told her that she doesn't need to date Jamie because there are better guys out there for her than a soccer-obsessed freako."

Casey laughed and turned to re-enter the house. 

"Caught it!" She turned back as Marti put the purple butterfly into the cage. As she did the green one flew out. "Oh no! Derek got away! Hmph." Marti threw the net down. "At least Casey is now caged." Casey looked down, brushed the idea off and entered the house.

"Lizzie!" Casey yelled out. Nora let out a sigh.

"Casey, she went upstairs. Don't yell right now, I think I'm getting a head ache."

"Mom," _That's just the heat, you don't get head-aches…, _"Are you sure she went upstairs?" _Smile like you could care less about her fake-head-ache._

"Yeah. She looked upset. Did you say something to her?" Casey decided not to answer and headed toward the steps. Derek's chair was empty, the hockey game was over. She must have caught him at the end of the game. After turning the corner upstairs, Casey saw Lizzie's closed door. 

As she got closer, she realized her door was cracked open. Instead of knocking on Lizzie's door, she slowly opened her door. 

Cautiously, she glanced around. Her heart was racing. _Did I leave the door open? _One of her drawers was slightly pulled out. Casey opened the door all the way with a light push and walked to the drawer. As she shut the dresser drawer, Casey heard the door click and shut.

Footsteps got closer to her and she turned. 

"What are you _doing _in here?" Casey asked deeply. Her heart was beating so hard it pulsed in her ears. 

"I need to…" Derek glanced down at her, "talk to you." He placed his left hand on her shoulder and she quickly brushed it away. 

"Derek, please lea-" He entered her personal space, causing her to lean against her dresser.

"Why do you keep fighting me? You want me Casey. You _just _acted like I didn't tell you that I wanted you. _Obviously_, it doesn't bother you. Which means, you _do _want me." Derek put his right hand on her fore-arm. She shook it off and pushed him away from her.

"Quit lying to yourself." She headed to the door to get out of her room. Both Casey's died in the thought of them being alone with him. He was starting to scare her. The heartbeat in her head didn't slow. 

"Shouldn't you stop lying to _your_self?" Casey turned her head back at him. 

"I would stop lying, but I can't stop what I'm not doing." Derek's face hardened and he rushed up to her, pressing her against the wall. 

"You **can't **lie to me. I know you _all _to well." He held the position for a few moments and Casey did not blink. Her breath was held in, and her body was clenched stiffly. "I'll be talking to you again. Next time, I don't want to hear lies." Derek pushed on the wall and left the room.

Casey's breath let out when she heard the door shut. Her body unclenched and she fell to the floor. 

Heavy erratic breaths escaped from her, and she could not figure out where all this was coming from. Did he want her from the start? _Did he dream about me like the liberated girl I've become. Did he want that flirt to have an excuse to torment me like this? _He was just messing. _He's just trying to mess with my head. In the end he'll laugh about it. _

_Just like he always does, okay Casey. He's not __**really **__going to hurt you. He's Derek. Just annoying, self-absorbed Derek. _

_No need to fear him._


	6. Liberated Casey Can Handle It

**Author's Note****** Enjoy? Constructive criticism, readers/reviewers, all is appreciated! Much love you to all:D

**Disclaimer****** I own nothing.

Casey didn't leave her room. She refused to go down for dinner, and she wouldn't even leave for a bathroom break. Her doorknob was locked immediately after she regained her strength a minute or so after their encounter.

_You are over-exaggerating Casey. Like usual. Stop it. Just go out there. He expects you to hide. _But she couldn't bring herself to leave. Liberated Casey was deteriorating before she even had a long rein.

"Come on Casey…" Lizzie groaned through the door. Casey ignored her plea as she stared at the monitor of her computer. "Mom won't stop bugging me to get you down for dinner."

"I'm not coming down. I think I'm going to go over to Emily's." She heard Lizzie sigh from the other side and footsteps going back downstairs. Casey grabbed her house key and room key and went to the window. Another set of footsteps was coming up the stairs but she ignored it. She lifted the window up and stuck the keys into her pocket. A knock was placed on her door.

"Casey?" A slightly deep voice said.

"Edwin, I just told Lizzie I'm going over to Emily's. Tell Mom that if she wants me so bad she can go next door."

"Come out! You have to go downstairs to leave the house anyway." Casey laughed.

"That's what you think." She put one leg out carefully and grabbed onto the vine on the side of their house.

"Are you going out the window?" Edwin asked in a slightly worried voice. Casey decided that she wouldn't answer.

She took her other foot out of her room and started climbing down the vine. In the background she could hear Edwin calling out for her. She merely smirked.

_Hah! Defeat Venturi. Can't get to me if I'm not in the same house._

Casey knocked on the Davis's door. Mrs. Davis answered.

"Casey? I've never seen you wear _anything _so…" Casey smiled.

"Yeah, I know, it's a new style for me. Is Emily here?" Mrs. Davis shook her head 'yes' and gestured her into the house. Emily walked down the stairs smiling.

"Hey Casey! I was _just _about to call you." Her enthusiasm wasn't questionable. Something good happened. Casey smiled.

"Oh really?" Casey followed her upstairs to Emily's bedroom. Emily shut the door behind them and they both sat on her bed.

"Guess what!"

"What?" Casey said emphatically with a smile on her face.

"Peter, the punter on the football team just called me! He said he has something to ask me and that we should set up a date!" Casey leaned in to hug her.

"Oh, Emily I'm so happy for you!"

"I know! Isn't it _great_!" Emily hugged herself. "I think he noticed me because of our social gathering at lunch today. Casey nodded her head in agreement, lingering on the thought of Derek's taunting smirk as she laughed obliviously. Her smile dwindled. "So, what brings you over here for?"

"Oh, well, you know," Casey made a weak gesture with her hand, "I thought I'd see if I could spend the night. My family is being extra buggy at the moment, I thought instead of fighting I'd just get out of the house." Emily raised her eyebrows.

"You and Derek seemed to be getting along at lunch. What happened?" Casey looked down.

"It wasn't Derek. It was all of them. Okay? I can have a problem with someone else can't I?" Casey stated aggressively. Emily leaned back a little.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." She thought for a moment. "If you need to...I'm sure my mom wont' have a problem with you spending the night." Emily put a comforting arm around Casey. Casey smirked at her.

_I'm so confused…_

Emily's Mom didn't have a problem with it so Casey spent the night. Nora never came over, and she suspected that Edwin and Lizzie told her where Casey went. As long as her mom knew where she was she didn't feel like calling.

Though she did feel a pang of guilt.

The next morning, Emily woke Casey up and Casey headed directly over to her house. She hadn't gotten the chance to take a shower last night, and she didn't bring any clean clothes to wear to school.

Not to mention her school books were at home as well.

_Just pretend he didn't press you against the wall. Besides, if he can act normal I can too. After all, he expects me to freak out. I'm not the freak-out child anymore. I'm __**not.**_

Casey walked in and saw Derek's back, hovering over a bowl of cereal. Quietly she walked upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door. No answer. Casey hurriedly grabbed some clothes and went in there.

Quickly she stripped herself and got into the shower.

Within five minutes she finished and got her clothes on. She ran across the hallway to her bedroom.

After yanking the keys out of her pocket in the dirty clothes she was holding, she opened the door. _Why am I still freaking out? It's not…like…ARGH!_

She threw the dirty clothes on the floor and shut her door quietly, Afraid Derek might hear her. Her makeup was no where to be found. Casey grabbed her hair, wanting to pull it out.

Then she remembered. _I left them in the bathroom._

Casey was about to open her door when she heard two voices.

"Were you running upstairs?" Edwin's voice said.

"No, why?" Lizzie's voice questioned.

"I heard running feet. Maybe it was Marti." Edwin said, pushing off the idea.

"Probably." Casey waited till she heard two different footsteps going down the stairs. She then opened her door and went to the bathroom to put her makeup on. _Gosh, I feel like I'm doing something bad…being in my own home. _A sigh escaped her mouth.

Quietly, knowing that she had to go to the kitchen to get her stuff, she walked on air and a smirk was held in place.

Derek was still munching on his cereal as Casey entered the kitchen and walked to the other end of the island where her stuff was.

"Where were you?" Derek said, not looking up.

"Emily's. Why do you care?" Casey asked, refusing to look at him. She realized her books were next to him. _He didn't look at any of that did he? I do have some private stuff there…_

"I don't. I'm just a _curious_ kind of guy. Got a problem with that?" In the corner of her eye she saw him look up at her. Casey subconsciously looked at him. They locked in the stare for a few moments.

"No. Can I have my stuff?" Derek smirked.

"Of course. Come get them." Casey rolled her eyes and walked over to him and grabbed her stuff. His hand reached up and grabbed her left arm before she could walk away. She looked down at him. "I will be talking with you again after school. Even if you are at Emily's. Unless of course you don't want her to know about us." Casey sneered at him.

"Get your hands _off _me." She yanked her arm away from him and stormed out of the house.

A heartbeat sounded so desperate and loud in her ears. A sound so deafening, tears were welling in her eyes.

_This is nothing to 'Liberated Casey'. I refuse to cry. He's harmless. Plus, I can handle myself. I'm pretty strong. I __**am **__fit…after all…_


	7. Dark Friday

**Author's Note-- **Guess what? My grandparents are sueing the government for not doing their job correctly and in the end causing the death of my aunt at age 19. They don't care about the money though. All they want to do is embaress them so bad that it **_doesn't _**happen again. No one in my family wants the death of our beloved Patricia to be in vain.

Hopefully you guys like this chapter. It's not the first time I wrote darkly, but it IS the first time I made an entire story/fic out of something dark. Remember, all constructive criticism and reviews/alerts are _very _appreciated. :D Also, this is a long chapter. I just couldn't stop writing.

And maybe you do get hints of Lizwin in the future. Maybe. -Winks at you-

**Disclaimer-- **Ze doktor sayz eet eez thyme to eelektrokute ze reel ownar of Life vith Dereck. She vill hand zem ovar before she pereeshes. For ze moment...I own nohsing. (Lol. Bad german accents are hard to type out.)

Lunch came around too quickly for Casey's liking. Emily and her were surrounded by people all day. Popularity came swift and Casey already hated the attention. She wanted to get out. Derek was always…Looking at her. After seeing something twisted in his eyes all she wanted to do was get as far away from him as possible.

At lunch Casey and Emily both sat at their table.

And soon after a flock of students came around. _Status rising...Hooray!…_A sarcastic Casey muttered in the distance.

However, Casey's new façade started to assert her authority over these new followers.

"I think I'll be able to have a party some time in the future." Casey said in a bright enthusiastic voice, though she didn't look up from her food. The aura of confidence held everyone in awe. Derek looked up at her from the other end of the table. Emily nudged her side. "What?" Casey muttered dismissively.

"Really? When!" An excited red-head asked aloud. Her excitement made Casey smile. She looked down and saw that the red-head was wearing a white shirt with a black shredded shirt over it. This made Casey smirk.

"I haven't planned through all the kinks yet, but once it's all set up, I'll let you guys know." Casey said, winking to Max who looked quite aggravated with her new leadership.

"Casey," Emily whispered, "You need to ask your mom, you can't just _throw_ a party." Casey looked down at her. Everyone at the table was talking amongst themselves except Derek, who was leaning on the table trying to catch everything being said.

"Don't worry about it. Okay? I have my ways." She smirked and left the lunch table with her empty tray. Emily sighed and Derek got up quickly to follow her.

Casey set her empty tray on the tray cart and exited the cafeteria. No one was in the hallway yet, she had left a little early.

"Casey, wait up!" She turned and saw Derek coming out of the cafeteria. Frustrated, she turned away and continued walking to her locker. "Hey! I said," He sprinted to her, grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around to face him.

_I love it when her hair does that._ His thoughts caused him to smirk.

"I said, wait up. That means you wait up." Casey pushed him hard, not wanting to waste any breath with him and started walking to her locker. Derek laughed and followed her the whole way there.

"Do you think ignoring your feelings for me is going to make you feel happier?" He muttered in her ear. Casey said nothing. "Quit denying me." Casey said nothing. They reached her locker and Casey undid the lock. Derek held the locker closed. Casey said nothing, and didn't turn around. Her palms were starting to sweat but she would not look him in the eyes for _anything_. "About that party, what gave you that idea? When do you plan on having this party?"

"Quit talking to me and _go. Away._" She tried to wipe his hand off of her locker but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm not going anywhere. And even if I did, I'd still see you later…when I'm going to talk to you about your lying streak." Casey rolled her eyes, slammed the lock back on, and ducked under his arm, walking away with hard footsteps. Derek eyed the hallway real quick to make sure no one was around.

He grabbed her shoulders with both hands and shoved her into the locker.

"Don't forget who you are messing with." Casey kept her eyes closed. _No eye contact. I don't want to see the danger. Seeing it will frighten me. I don't want to be scared._

"An idiot? Sorry, I'll be able to outsmart you any day, unless of course you forget who _you're _dealing with."

The bell rang and the cafeteria started letting out more kids. _Too many people. Later. _Derek thought to himself. He took his hands off her shoulders

"Okay Casey. But I will be speaking with you about this." Casey opened her eyes and looked at his shirt.

"You will…or this strange person that you've become?" She looked up at his eyes. His eyes looked hurt, but his body looked so menacing. Casey resisted the shivers her body was trying to create.

Derek didn't respond and walked away. Pain stung in the parts of her back that hit the lockers. _He's a monster isn't he…How could I have missed this darker side…Now that I think on it…_

_It's been there for quite a while…_

_And he was kind of…obsessed with…pranking me…Or just obsessed with…me._

Casey went to her locker, unlocked it again, and grabbed all her books.

The rest of the school day was dragging, but so quick at the same time. All the people, all the chatter and all Casey could think about was the way Derek looked at her.

"Emily, I think I'm going to be sick." Emily scooted away from Casey.

"Want me to get a pass to the nurse?" She nodded her head at Emily. Emily went up to Mr. Patterson and requested a pass. She pointed at Casey and he handed Emily the pass. "Want me to go with you Case?"

"Yeah, that might be best." Casey held her stomach.

All the nurse did was check her temperature and ask if she was stressed out or worried about anything. _It wasn't helpful at all…_Casey thought to herself as they went back to class.

Her stomach was aching all the way home.

"_Dear journal, _

_I'm so glad it's Friday. I think I'm just going to hang out at Emily's all weekend and plan a party…a party that my new alter-ego made without my permission. It was like I was someone else. I'm letting myself get out of control and it's already started to get me into trouble…_

_Trouble that I'm afraid might get worse. Especially since he wants to talk to me and keeps…threatening me because I'm apparently __**lying. **__He wouldn't know if I was lying, even if I told him flat out I was. He's only going to believe what he wants to believe._

_Oh God. He's only going to believe what he __**wants **__to believe. And he __**wants **__to believe that I want him."_

Casey closed her eyes dreading the _talk _he kept saying he wanted to have with her. _Well, it's after school…his move. Not mine. And I hope he doesn't. _

"_Journal…I'll keep you posted, obviously. Hopefully things don't turn sour and hopefully I don't develop bruises on my back from him pushing me against the lockers._

_Emily's enjoying her new popular side and tonight is her date with Peter. I hope everything goes well for her. If I can't be happy with this new school-life hopefully she will be. I know how bad she wanted to be popular._

_For now…I think I'll just enjoy the weekend. Get back to you on Monday?_

_-Casey"_

Casey smiled to herself. She always felt ridiculous referring to her journal as though it was an actual being with a brain and the ability to think for itself. Of course if she had never thought of a journal that way she may have never even started writing in one.

She liked the new online journal better than writing out in one. Sometimes writing on paper could get tiring for her hands and it wasted a lot of paper that could be put to a lot of better uses instead of wasted on her pitily problems. Besides, she was a much faster typist.

Just in the moment Casey was starting to think Derek was never going to make his big entrance and continue calling her a liar, he walked, closed and locked her door, and sat on the bed.

Casey just looked at him. _I can be menacing too! _Her eyes attempted to give him an unrequited stare-down, but her attempts failed. Derek pulled out a CD case.

"Play this CD on your computer." Casey took it from him and looked at it.

"D-Rock?" Derek smirked and motioned for her to put it in.

"Why do you want me to play music? Particularly this?" He leaned back.

"Well, I wanted to play music in case any one was listening in on our _conversation. _I just picked up that CD randomly." Casey tossed it back to him, and shook her head.

"I'm not playing that CD. You can leave now. I have nothing to say to you, nor will I listen." Derek shook his head no at her and shook a finger as he stood.

"You are playing this CD. You will play it…" He got terrifying close to Casey and lowered his voice, "You will play it…even if I have to _make _you." Her eyes didn't waver from looking intently at his. Casey's smirk vanished, while Derek's gained more confidence and ego. He grabbed her hand, palm up, and shoved the CD into her hand. Derek then sat down.

Without hesitation Casey put the CD in and played the D-Rock CD. After adjusting the volume, Casey turned to him.

"Now Casey." Derek said sensually, leaning in towards her off the edge of her bed, "Why have you been lying to me. I'm not mad, I just want to know why you are so scared to accept the way you feel about me." Casey raised her eyebrows.

"Derek, I'm not interested in you. Face the truth. Finally you've met a girl who turned you down. Not because she was scared to want you or that you'd break her heart, but because she really just isn't interested." Casey stated forcefully and intelligently. Derek took a few moments to digest what she had just said.

After a complete song had passed Derek stood and walked up to Casey. His knees were touching hers. Her heart was pulsing hard and fast, deafening her, making her thought-process panicky and random.

"Casey. Once again. You are lying." He grabbed her chin and lifted so high it caused her to stand. Shakily, she reached back to lean away from him. Derek's other arm wrapped around her slender body and pulled her so close that they were almost…_Oh God, he isn't going to try to kiss me is he! I'd rather kiss Marti's monkey! _A shaky un-liberated Casey quivered in the background.

"I'm **not **lying." She put two hands on his chest and tried to push him off her. He grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the wall. Trying to break from his grip she shook her body and her head.

Her feet tried to kick, but he got them both beneath his feet. Derek pressed down so hard that the blood circulating in her hands and feet started getting cut off.

"Der…" Casey said helplessly and breathlessly, "Derek stop this. I don't want you. Get over it." Her eyes started tearing up. "Please." Derek shook his head no.

"Why should I give into what you want? You won't give into what I want." He leaned in to kiss her but she arched her back and tilted her head upwards.

_I won't be defeated McDonald. Why resist?_

With the lips unavailable his teeth sunk into lower part of her neck. Casey let out a yelp and Derek took his right hand off her right wrist and covered her mouth.

The hand slightly covered her nose, causing her breathing to become restrained. He kept biting at her neck as though her squeals were in pleasure. Her free hand desperately tried to peel his hand off of her mouth.

Derek took his other hand, releasing Casey's other hand, and grabbed her lower back, pulling her tight.

This caused Casey's head to tilt down, and Derek wasted no time taking the opportunity to kiss her.

_Finally. _Derek thought to himself. _But I won't continue now. _He threw Casey onto her bed and Casey quickly covered herself up, afraid he was going to attempt something more.

"Don't worry McDonald. I'm done for now." He smirked almost lovingly down at her. "I'll just let you think about that for a while." Derek eyed the computer. "Keep the CD. My gift to you." He winked and left the room.

The door clicked shut. Casey breathed out.

Casey breathed in.

A tear, another tear.

Five more dripped lifelessly and fluidly onto her blanket, and finally she grabbed her pillow and screamed into it.

Crying sounds could be heard in Lizzie's room for forty long minutes. But Lizzie wasn't around to hear. She wasin Edwin's room.

_I need to escape…_


	8. What Confuses The Most Intelligent Of Us

**Author's Note--** Okay, before anyone gets a timeline confusion, Wednesday evening Casey decides to liberate herself, Thursday Casey gains her popularity and Derek admits his feelings thinking she feels the same way, and Friday Casey already hates her popularity and Derek is quite aggressive. She cries for FORTY minutes before ever leaving her room. When you read the chapter you'll understand why the minutes are important. (I had to double check myself which is why I mention it.)

I didn't have the full plot figured out when I wrote chapter 1-4, and once I reached chapter five I tried to figure out the ending. And just so you know, I've got it. If throughout the story you have ideas to add to it, feel free to tell me. I have nothing preset but a few ideas I'm sticking too. 

AND!! READ THIS! 

Lol. Long author's note…Sorry. Well, for chapter fives symbolism game someone got it! bsloths was correct saying that it was the butterflies and that they mirrored Casey and Derek's relationship. So if you want a requested one-shot send me a PM and I can do it for you! :D A lot of people said that it was the butterflies, so I'm glad that it wasn't vague! I'll probably do that again for anyone who was hoping for a requested one-shot. (I like one-shots, I just never have an idea that is only a one-shot…so requests seem perfect!)

**Disclaimer-- **Do I own LWD? Nah. But wouldn't it be interesting to own? Goes into fantasy land

Once Casey's tears stopped and she stopped shaking, she got up and walked to her computer. 

She pulled out the CD and stared at it._ Gift? Like he was doing something generous…_She gave a small, weak laugh. 

Casey sat down and stared into her vanity mirror. The curves of her face seemed less curvy, her eyes looked more gray than blue.

She looked down at the CD. Hands reacted to the anger towards Derek and broke it into pieces. The hands kept picking up each piece and snapping it in half till the pieces were all too small to break anymore. There was no triumph in it's destruction. Casey didn't feel accomplished, and she didn't feel any less angry or sad. 

Feeling she needed to do something more, Casey scooped all the pieces into her hand and walked out of her room and right into Derek's. She didn't shut the door. Derek was lying innocently on his bed, eyes closed. She stared down at him with pure loathing in her eyes. 

As though sensing her presence his eyes opened and he looked at her, confused.

"Um, excuse me, what are you doing in my room?" Derek sat up. 

"Oh, cause it's okay for you to just walk into my room and harass me. Why don't I get the same privilege?" His eyebrows curved inward. 

"What are you talking about?" Casey rolled her eyes and threw the CD pieces all over his lap. "What the _hell_!" He looked at the mess. "What is this?! What did you do _that _for?" She let out an aggressive sigh.

"Like you don't know asshole." Derek stood up and Casey backed away, and got closer to the doorway. 

"What is your _problem_?" She crossed her arms. 

"Nothing, I'll play along. Nothing is my problem, I have no problem. No problem at all with you." Casey turned away about to walk out and then she turned to say, "I just wanted to give you your out-of-tune present back." She then walked quickly downstairs and into the basement to talk to her mom. 

"Mom!" Casey said, almost jogging down the stairs. "Mom!" She banged on the door. Nora opened the door and Casey heard the door open at the top of the stairs.

"What is it Casey?" Casey looked into her mom's eyes. _What will this do to her? What will it do to the merged family…I hate him…But would it be worth it? Maybe I can get him to stop before it goes too far. _

"Um…Uh…" Casey looked up the stairs. Derek was walking down with a few of the pieces in his hand. He was walking slow and staring down at them, like he was trying to figure out what it was. "Are you going anywhere this weekend? I thought we should go out to eat lunch, or dinner. Just me and you. No one else. Well maybe Lizzie. We haven't had a little sit-down in a while." Derek reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Sure, but it will have to be Sunday. Remember how Lizzie, Edwin and Marti were all going to be out Saturday? I talked to George and he thought it would be nice if we went out for a date. We haven't had a date in a while, so we were just going to go out to eat and hit a few fun places."

"So it will be just me and Derek?" Casey asked, her heart dropping, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, we figured that you guys would just make up your plans anyway because you are both teens. Teens always find something to do." She looked away from her mom, wanting to tell her that she was afraid to be alone with Derek but she couldn't muster it. Let alone with Derek right there. 

"Casey…Is this my CD? I was _just _looking for this ten minutes ago." Casey turned to him in an angry confusion. All of her wanted to rush at him and throw punches till he bled out all what he was doing to her mind. 

"Yeah, that's your CD." She walked past him, "Talk to you later Mom." Casey said without turning around. Derek followed her upstairs. Thankfully there was distance between their bodies. Casey didn't slow though. 

"What gives you the right to _take _my things and just _destroy _them." They reached the kitchen and Casey turned to him. 

"What?!" His face was pale with a slight anger, put her anger was more raging than his could have been at that moment.

"Why did you feel you had to take this and destroy it?" He lifted the chunks to her face. She turned away. His eyes looked at her neck and his eyebrows curved in. Scared he was going to do something Casey turned and ran as quickly as she could outside. 

Derek didn't follow. 

_What was on her neck? _He thought, as he stared at the back of her running figure.

Casey ran up to Emily's door, didn't knock and then ran down the street. _I can't stand this. I can't stand this. He's torture. He's pure pain. Confusion. Arggh. This is all one mistake. It's all my fault. It's all because I wanted to change. Changing is dangerous… _Casey tripped on a rock and fell into the grass.

_Oh so dangerous…_

She got back up on her feet and walked home. Derek was watching TV with Marti in his lap, Edwin and Lizzie were walking down the stairs and Nora was now cooking dinner. 

Casey sighed quietly, went to her room, and locked the door. 

"_Dear journal, _

_My lips have been tainted by the foulest of creatures. _

_Though he doesn't resemble the most demonic of features._

_Teeth sinking in, hands gripping hands tight, _

_The worst shades of red, the darkest feeling of fright._

_Holding me next to something edgy and insane_

_I've lost me in the old thoughts of my brain_

_Obsess over it, one more time Casey_

_Oh, you know that his memory escapes me_

_I want to forget this, erase this new monster_

_I won't be the one, HE can haunt HER._

_Journal. That is a poem. Get used to them. I write them often. And the poetry is never written when I'm happy. I don't think I'm going to be happy for a while. I feel it in my stomach. My intuition screams danger. And I can't do anything without causing too much trouble. If I told my mom and George they would either not believe me (thinking that I was just trying to pay back Derek for all the crap he's said), or they would…I don't even know. How would you go about punishing someone who was sexually harassing their step-sister. _

_Nothing would be the same either way. Things would either get worse for the family, or worse for me, and if I say nothing at all then it's not worse for anyone. _

_Should I even continue pretending to be liberated? Considering she is the one that got me into this mess. Should I finish what I started? Is it better than living so afraid of him?_

_I have too many questions that no one I know can answer…I can't even tell Emily about this. She'd just…laugh._

_-Casey"_

Casey logged off of her journal and turned the computer off. Anxiously she turned to her mirror. Her neck was slightly aching and her eyes wandered down to look at it. There were distinct bite marks on her neck. _Oh my god…_

Quickly Casey got up and took off her shirt, then threw a turtleneck over herself. It covered up all the bite marks he left behind on her. 

_How could my Mom not see it?_


	9. Of SledgeHammers and Empty Hearts

**Authors' Note-- **Before there is an confusion: The first scene is a dream. But I think I make it quite clear. :D Enjoy the chapter! And remember...I **_DON'T _**support rape. Okay? I **_DON'T _**think that girls would want to be with a guy that is doing stuff like this. Okay. :D Okay, now you can read it. :D

**Disclaimer-- **Like I need a disclaimer. We all know I don't own it. Or do I? Devilish grin

Casey rolled over in her bed. Despite all of her attempts at sleep her eyes would not close, afraid that Derek would walk in. 

She kept checking the clock and it never seemed to change. 

She stared at the door but it never seemed to open. 

Her eye-lids started falling, and her body started feeling heavy. As she almost reached sleep, someone started jiggling her doorknob. Casey jerked and sat up. The person on the other side kept jiggling it. She had locked the door but she held the blankets to her chest and stared at it in fear. 

A few minutes and the jiggling stopped. Casey let out her breath and leaned back. Seconds later she heard a key slip in and turn; the door opened and Derek was standing in the doorway. He turned, shut the door and kneeled by her bed. Casey started shaking her head no, and muttering no…no…no…

"Casey, now that you have had some time to realize that you have feelings for me, why don't you be my girlfriend?" He looked so innocent, but Casey didn't hesitate reaching her hand back and slapping him as hard as she could across the face. 

He stared down at her bedside table for a few moments and smirked. His eyes looked at her with a dangerous knowing in them. 

"Wrong answer." Derek stood over her and ripped her covers off and tossed them towards her door. She sat up and tried to get off the bed and away from him but he got over her and held her down. His hands pressed hers into her bed so hard she felt the springs.

"Derek, please…" She said in the struggle. He pulled out the tie he wore to George and Nora's wedding and tied her hands together. "Derek stop!" Once he pulled the knot tight, Casey jabbed him in the stomach with her fists and tried to roll out from underneath him. 

"Don't make me gag you and make this harder than it already is." Casey closed her eyes and mouth, but kept her body turned side-ways. 

"Don't do this." She said quietly, in a desperate whisper, hoping that he would find some kind of sympathy in his heart. _What am I thinking…People like him don't have hearts. _Casey started whimpering as he tried turning her back towards him. 

"Casey if you don't comply, I will be forced to hurt you. I don't _want _to hurt you." Her eyes looked at him but she didn't turn to him.

"What the _hell _do you think this is then? You think _this _isn't hurting me?" Casey tried to gesture at his position, but her hands were still bound.

"Well if you didn't struggle you wouldn't be in pain." Her words were lost to his idiotic statement. Idiotic, of course, not being the right word, but the only word she could think of. "Casey I love you." Her mouth dropped in horror. In her shock, he took the moment to face her to him and pinned her hips with his hands. "Say you love me too." She looked at him. 

"You told me not to lie to you." He slapped her, and started tearing off her shirt. Casey tried clasping herself but could only push her breasts together. She tried rolling again but he held his knees on either side of her keeping her from turning. Derek then started pulling her pants down and looking at her underwear. 

His hand slowly went downward and just as he was about to touch her she yelled. 

"NOOOO!!" Casey jumped up in a sweat. Her breathing was heavy, and her head felt numb. She was covered and her shirt was in tact. She touched herself as though she would find a trace of him still touching her. 

She looked at the door. It was still locked. Casey wiped the sweat off. 

"It…was just…a dream…" She said between breaths to herself. A knock was placed on her door. She jumped violently.

"Casey?" Lizzie's voice called. "Casey are you alright?" Casey's hand was gripping her chest. She got up and opened the door. 

"Yeah…yeah, I'm alright." Lizzie looked at Casey in disbelief.

"Are you sure. I just heard you screaming."

"I just had a bad dream. Sorry to wake you." Lizzie looked around uncomfortably. 

"I actually wasn't asleep just yet. So don't feel sorry." Casey curved her eyebrows in.

"Can you not sleep either?" Lizzie smiled. 

"No. But I will! Don't worry." Casey just looked at her. "Well, I hope you get some sleep."

"I will kiddo…" She leaned in to hug Lizzie and then shut her door. _Lock your door again. _Casey turned back and locked her door. 

After crawling back into bed, she fell asleep quickly, so tired from the dream she had just experienced. 

_At least when I scream I know Lizzie will come._

Saturday morning came, and Casey felt so tired and wasted away that she didn't rise as early as she usually did. 

Instead, she awoke so late without realizing it, and was alone in the house. 

Well almost. 

Casey walked down the stairs to get some lunch, trying to ignore the dream she had last night. _Something that frightening doesn't happen to people like me. It always happen to someone else. I'll be fine. I'll be just fine. _

There was no bread for a sandwich, and no vegetables or fruits to snack on. Nothing but chips and macaroni and cheese. She rolled her eyes. 

"Hopefully mom will go grocery shopping before she comes home…unless of course she plans on staying out for dinner also."

"Why are you talking to yourself?" Derek said deeply, as he walked into the kitchen. He had bed head, and Casey assumed that he had just woken up as well. 

"I don't know. Why do you think you have the right to talk to me?" Derek rolled his eyes and walked back out of the kitchen. Casey looked at him. _No man is more confusing than Derek Venturi. What do girls see in him?_

Casey ate some macaroni noodles and then headed upstairs to her bedroom. After calling Emily and getting a voice mail saying, _"Sorry, at the moment I'm out with Peter! Leave me a message and I'll get back to you later." _She closed her cell-phone angrily and threw it at her door. 

And a thought occurred. _Derek gave that to me. _Slowly, she walked over to it and picked it up. _Destroy it. _Casey walked out of her room, cell phone in hand and down the stairs; Derek was mindlessly watching women's volleyball; through the kitchen and to the garage. 

There in the corner was George's tool belt. Casey smirked. Hands reached forward and set the cell down as she reached for the hammer. _Not big enough. Hammers are too small. Do you have a sledge-hammer George Venturi? _Casey's grin was devilish.

Hanging on the garage wall was a hoe, some brooms, other gardening tools and low-behold…a sledge hammer. Casey walked over and took it airlessly off the wall. Footsteps were heard, and Casey headed toward the phone. The garage door opened and Derek stared at her. 

"What are you doing with that?" Casey held the sledge-hammer against her shoulder and turned to him. Derek stared at her questioning for a moment, then blinked. The air seemed to shift, and a darkness seemed to come over his face. He started walking toward her.

"Derek go away. I'm busy." She looked back at the phone and then turned to him. 

"Do you think destroying all the things I've given to you out of the goodness of my soul is going to remove me from your life?" Her eyes shook but she didn't remove them from him. "Put the sledge-hammer down." His eyes were almost red, his body kept moving closer. "Put it down if you know what's good for you."

"Back away if you know what's good for you." Casey said dangerously, and held the sledge-hammer, ready to strike. The nightmare she had felt so real that she felt so completely violated by him. 

She **didn't **want it to be a reality. 

Derek let out a chuckle. His hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife. He flipped it open. 

"Casey, you've just made a threat on my life." Her eyes got big.

"You started it! This is your fault! All of it!" Casey yelled, still backing away slowly. 

"All of what?" Derek prepped the knife to be thrown. Casey's hands started shaking. "Put it down before you hurt yourself." Her tears started watering and she lifelessly dropped the sledge-hammer a few inches from her feet. A loud 'clunk' echoed in the garage. Derek walked up to her and leaned into her ear. "Thank you Casey. Now, put it back up on the wall or they'll get suspicious as to why it's not on the wall." Casey obeyed. The knife was looming. 

Derek walked over and picked up her cell-phone. Casey turned to him and crossed her arms. He walked over, looking at the cell-phone. When he reached her he stuck it into her pocket and held his hand against her thigh. Casey backed away, only to put herself against the wall. Derek smirked and leaned into her lips. She turned and he kissed her cheek. 

"Don't like the scenery?" Casey let out a laugh. 

"No. Don't like the person." Derek frowned. He took his knife and flaunted it.

"Why not?"

"You…" Casey hesitated, afraid as to what he might do, "You are an _imbecile _if you don't know why." Derek pulled her turtle neck down that she wore since yesterday. The knife was placed gently against the skin of her neck. 

"Why do you think so lowly of me? Even before I admitted how I felt about you, you treated me like dirt. Sure I laughed it off, but it gets to a man after a while. Things like how you teased me with your skirts, tight shirts; and your _smiles_, and how you chased my friends and enemies, just to taunt me, just to show that _we _could never _be_…" Derek pressed his body against her. "Things like that drive someone crazy." A shiver went down Casey's spine and caused her heart to start beating faster. 

"Please leave me alone." She said low, still in fear of the knife on her neck. 

"No. Not as long as I want you for my own." He took the knife off her neck and pushed her to the garage door. "Open it." Shaky hands opened the door. He pushed her to the stairs and up them. Casey stumbled on the third from the top step. 

Derek grabbed the back of her neck and lifted her up. 

"Walk!" He said aggressively, pushing her up the stairs. They got to his door and she tried to walk to her room, but Derek pulled her back. "No my dear. My room. I'm more comfortable in _my _room."

"Oh. I didn't know we were looking to comfort _you_." Derek twirled her around to face him. She didn't look him in the eyes. 

"Don't smart-mouth. I don't want to hear it. We've spent enough time in your room. This relationship needs give and take. Well…I heard that from a wise woman once." He looked lovingly at her. She dared a look at his eyes. Tears were welling up. 

"If she was so wise then…why isn't she wise now." Derek smirked.

"Women sometimes just don't know what they want. I'm only trying to help you out." He leaned down and opened his door. She didn't move until he pushed her into the room causing her to tumble onto the floor.

Without turning around, Derek shut the door.


	10. Derek Won't Be Happy

**Author's Note--**READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE!! Okay, so this is a very VERY bad chapter. I mean, it could be badly written, but that's not what I mean. This is the chapter where the rape I mentioned in the first authors note occurs. Okay. I don't actually write the intercourse part because I could not bring myself to do so. If you don't want to read this part I completely understand. All you will miss is a few bits of dialogue where she is trying to get him to stop and a small part of his psychotic state. Okay? No hard feelings. I'm just WARNING you. If you do read it, I hope it doesn't make you feel sick because quite honestly…it made me feel a little sick writing it…but I guess that's just what comes with a dark-dasey.

**Disclaimer-- **I don't own LWD chica's. And err…chico's…if there are any males' reading this.

**=DANGER=DANGER=DANGER=READ=AUTHOR'S=NOTE=IF=YOU=HAVEN'T=YET=**

Casey picked herself up off of the floor and crossed her arms. Derek locked the door and started walking towards her. She turned away from him. His body was lightly touching her back, and his breath ran down her neck. A hand touched her right shoulder. Just as she was about to brush it away she saw that it was the hand that still gripped the knife. His hand slowly went down her arm.

Lips lightly touched her neck and hands held her hips. They pulled her close to him.

And she felt a very stiff manhood. The knife twiddled against her hips, and she wanted so badly to run away. The hand that wasn't holding the knife snaked up her shirt and touched her stomach softly. At any other moment, she may have giggled, but at the moment she was not ticklish. She was paralyzed. The hands pulled up her shirt and Casey closed her arms to her sides blocking the shirt from going up to far.

"I thought you were going to make this easier on yourself." Derek said lowly. Casey sighed. "Come on. Don't make me do anything I don't have to do." Casey didn't answer. He pushed hard on her back, causing her to fall onto his bed. Derek leaned down and grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled back. "Casey. Don't." He slid the knife softly up and down her back.

"Derek, don't." Casey whimpered. Derek smirked.

"I'm sick of being all cooped up inside." Derek said in her ear. "I'm sick of having to keep my mouth shut next to you." Casey gripped the blankets tight with shaky hands. She heard him fidgeting around with something and then saw in the corner of her eye, his belt flung to the side.

Casey pulled forward, trying to get away and he let go of her hair. She stood and tried to go around him. Derek dropped his knife to the side and grabbed her upper arms. Her eyes were looking at him in a plea that she couldn't scream.

No one would hear. No one would care. It would just turn out worse than this. Derek smirked and kissed her lips gently. Casey didn't move away. He let go of her arms and gently held her neck, trying to penetrate her lips with his tongue. Casey took the moment and pushed him away and darted around him to the door.

But trying to open a locked door when your hands are shaking is hard. He walked slowly to her and grasped her wrists.

"I want you…There isn't anything wrong with wanting you…is there?" Casey thought for a moment.

"There may be nothing wrong with wanting me…but there is something wrong with doing _this_ when I _don't_ want it." Derek lifted her and threw her onto the bed and got between her legs before she could get up.

"This _is_ what you wanted. I'm really good at reading body language." Casey tried pushing on him but he didn't budge. He just grabbed her hands with one hand and held her hands above her head.

"Derek! Don-" His lips came down onto her and his free hand unzipped his pants. Casey's eyes widened and she squirmed violently beneath him. Derek sat up, leaned backward and yanked her pajama pants completely off, and though Casey tried to struggle she knew that it wouldn't matter. "Derek! PLEASE STOP THIS!" He pinned her down by straddling her, his back to her, so he could pull her underwear off.

He had a grotesque smile on his face. _Derek won't be happy when he finds out. _Derek thought to himself. _The others will be happy though. Except Brooke. Brooke was always a little bitch anyway. _

Casey's tears kept coming, and she was blinded. With her lower half naked, he pulled his clothing down and situated himself between her.

The last semi-light thing Casey saw was her fists banging pitifully against his chest and an evil smirk she had never seen before now.

As he penetrated the last thing she wanted him to penetrate, Casey's sight left her and she blacked out.


	11. You Can't Wash Away Heartache

**Author's Note-- **Last chapter was horrible wasn't it? Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm happy no one thinks I'm a total psycopath who gets off on rape. SO not the case. I've noticed a pattern in the reviews I recieve. I'm glad that intelligent people are reading this! :D I **AM **hinting at multiple personality disorder. Congrats to you all! Now, as a challenge to you...I want you to look up multiple personality disorder, then see how and why it develops. It's tragic...and yes, once you look it up and figure out the how and why, I **will **finally reveal how it developed. For now, we watch the mind of Derek and the tortured soul of Casey; until it starts affecting the rest of the family. (And for those who don't feel like going to search it I'll say it later when Casey finally figures it out. So it's not really a _requirement_.)

**Disclaimer-- **I own nothing.

Casey blinked a few times. There were dried flakes of eye juice lining her eye lids. She wiped it all away and sat up. Derek lay sleeping, facing the wall.

Her heart sank. The heaviest object seem to completely pass through the top of her brain and straight through her body. She couldn't scream. She couldn't cry. The only thing she felt was that heaviness, and some strange new empty feeling.

The world was different now. Casey looked around Derek's room. _It's colorless…and dead. _Casey took the cover off of her and stood. Instead of just her lower half being naked, she was entirely undressed; her clothes rested the side of his bed.

Just as she bent to grab her clothing something wet and slimy slid slow down her leg. She jumped and reached down to touch it.

Upon inspecting the fluid, Casey realized what it was. _Ugh…That's…Oh my…__**god.**__ He didn't even wear a…_Casey grabbed her clothes and quickly walked to the bathroom, trying to be quiet; she didn't want him waking.

She locked the bathroom door and grabbed a washcloth. Desperately, she tried to clean herself. It wasn't enough. She threw the washcloth down and got into the shower.

The warm water didn't get him off good enough. She turned the cold down to make it hotter. _Not hot enough_. Casey made it hotter.

No matter how hot she made it, his hands were still touching her, his semen was still in her.

It was more than a rape of her body. It was a rape of her soul. Liberated Casey lay dead in the background and the true Casey wasn't the same.

_I shouldn't have done that. I was doing just fine. There was nothing wrong with being predictable. It was a part of who I was…Now…I'm nobody. I'm not me, I'm not liberated…I'm nothing. _

_Nothing but Derek's toy that he uses to any need he wants to fulfill. Torture. Pranks. Jokes. Sex even. And there was a time I thought he was good…deep down. Turns out he was more evil beneath it all. I'll never stop it will I?_

_I have no one…_

_And it's all my fault. _

The hot water started to sting her, so she turned the cold up.

Casey sat down and let the water pour over her. It felt as cold and lifeless as her heart felt, but it was little condolence to her.

She grabbed the soap and started washing in between her legs. It was the first chance she got a real look at her body. There were more bite marks on her neck, and some new ones on her breasts, lower stomach and on her inner thigh. Casey lightly washed them. Touching them hurt, and she knew that there were going to be bruises.

After her entire body was lathered in soap, Casey leaned her head back against the wall. _What am I going to do? Is there anything I can do? Will he want to do this to me again…or will he toss me like a rag doll and expect me to deal with what he's done?_

Her eyes wandered around the closed space of the bathtub, and a thought occurred to her.

_He didn't use a condom! Which means, I could get pregnant! _Her mouth was gaping open and she tried to breath. Weakly she stood under the shower to wash the soap and scum away.

When she was done she got out shakily and put her clothes on.

She stared at her reflection. Her eyes weren't there anymore. They were someone else's eyes. Cold, empty, and lifeless. Nothing that once was Casey were in that set of eyes.

And she had to live with them.

Angry at herself for letting Derek possibly impregnate her, she opened the mirror door and slammed it shut causing the medicine within to rattle.

Casey left the bathroom and stared at Derek's bedroom door. It seemed so far away, but much too close to comfort. The door was the gateway to hell and it held so many different monsters. She had smiled at that monster. She had laughed with that monster. She had tried on many occasions to hug that monster.

And instead of smiling at her; he cringed and turned away. Instead of laughing with her; he laughed at her. Instead of hugging her; he pushed her so far away she thought she did something wrong.

Instead of giving the simple things that she desired…he gave her something she never wanted. It was hers to keep, and for him…it would just be a memory that would fade away.

_Because he never cared…and I was foolish to think he had a heart._


	12. Do You Want Me Happy?

**Author's Note-- **MMMMEEEEGGGG!! OMG I was JUST thinking about you! _**Seriously. **_And I was in the middle of writing this chapter and I wondered if anyone had put up a new review on my newest story…go to my yahoo mail and see a review alert. Click on it. Read it. And I read who it was from and I squealed so loud that my sleeping sister (Who sleeps so deeply) got up and asked me if I punctured a lung or something. What can I say? I really hope you like it despite the terribly dark overtones. :D Looking forward to your incredibly thoughtful questions! :D

Enjoy the chapter! Clickee the review button at the end. You could say one word and it would make me happy! Do you know why? Because it lets me know that you care enough about the story for you to let me know your thoughts. And hey, if your thoughts only range upon one word...type it. Do it. I _**dare**_ you.

**Disclaimer-- **-Laughs at you-

Casey walked into her room, still shaky and wet. She flicked on the monitor of her computer and sat down.

"_Dear Journal, _

_It's hard for me to say what has happened to me. It's hard for me to type it as well. I can barely stand to think on it. The hands holding me, and his mouth all over me. Saliva and semen. I shudder at the very thought. And I think you won't know **exactly** what I am talking about unless I said it. But when I am ready…I'll let you know. At the moment I am in shock of the event…and in shock of the events that may come because of it. More of the event. Danger. To at least give you something to think on I'll let you know one thing. _

_The violation will weigh so heavily on my brain; and I already feel like it's my fault even though my brain knows who is **really** to blame._

_Forget liberation. I don't even know how to be me…how can I learn to be something I'm not?_

_-Casey"_

She logged off and breathed out. In her mind she had hoped that maybe writing the exact word describing what Derek had done to her would help her cope; She chickened out on it. After all she was still a little in denial. It was because of this new world she was in; it was scary, but she couldn't accept anything within it as reality.

_Maybe tonight as I lie in my bed alone I'll remember the times before this insanity._

Casey decided she would try going over to Emily's house and see if she was home. She didn't know how long she was passed out…but she knew that she wanted to get out of the house.

Reluctantly, Casey knocked on the Davis's door. The noon had obviously passed, for the sun was far too low on the sky for it to be noon. Judging by it, it must have been around three. Meaning that Casey was out for about two to three hours.

"Hello Casey. Are you here for Marti?" Mr. Davis questioned kindly. He had a hearty smile on that warmed Casey inside. _A smile. I needed a smile. _

"No. Actually I am here for-"

"Emily?"

"Yeah. Is she here?" He nodded his head yes.

"Yes, she's upstairs with a guy named Peter. He's quite polite." Casey smiled to herself. _That rhymes. _

"Do you think she'd be bothered if I came upstairs to chill with them?" Mr. Davis turned and called for Emily. There was a shuffle of feet and Emily came clattering down the stairs.

"Casey? Didn't you call me earlier?" Mr. Davis exited the living room and Casey walked into the house and shut the front door behind her.

"Yeah…I…Did…Hey, are you busy? Or can I come upstairs with you and Peter?" Emily blushed.

"Well, he's only been here for ten minutes and I'm still trying to get to know my _boyfriend_ a little more." Casey squealed.

"He asked you out!" A smile was wide on Casey's face. Emily broke into a girly squeal as well.

"Yeah! He did! Isn't that great!" They both settled down after a few moments and Casey thought to herself as Emily spoke about him asking her out. "Well, we went on our date and I suggested we go to Smellie Nellie's but he said that he had already got a table at this other restaurant called Azzonait…" _She doesn't want me to stay for long. Especially in the same room with her and Peter… _"But the 'T' at the end is silent. It was so…" _I never noticed how wrapped up we got in boys; it seems so fickle, and unimportant. _"beautiful. After a really nice chat he said that he was now sure on something. I asked what that something was and he said…" _How can I expect her to understand. She'd shun me; not believe the horror…think it below Derek to do such a thing…Think I was just trying to get her to hate Derek like I hated him…I realize now what hate really is. I didn't hate him before. _"you. Then he asked me out and of _course _I gladly accepted."

"That's really great! I guess I shouldn't bug you since you guys just started going out. I'm sure you want to watch a movie, or something." Emily smiled.

"Yeah, or something." Casey hugged Emily and turned to the door. Emily didn't waste time actually _saying _goodbye, and Casey heard her feet clatter happily back up the stairs.

Casey saw Nora and George's car pull up with Edwin and Lizzie in the back seat. They both had the strangest grins on their faces and they both look determined not to look one another in the eye.

She quickly walked over.

"Hey mom! How was your date?" Casey asked sweetly, masking her pain with a surprising ease.

"It was great. Very romantic." Nora eyed George lovingly and Casey let a soft curve enrapture her lips. The smile was sweet and kind in nature, but behind it her teeth grinded because it was George and Nora who brought Derek into her life. She knew she couldn't resent them for his actions though.

Edwin and Lizzie walked silently into the house, Nora, George and Casey trailed behind.

George turned back to Casey when they got into the house.

"When we left you were still sleeping, what time did you wake up?" Casey stopped short and made a small uncontrolled gesture.

"Oh, um, I came down the stairs and I saw you guys leaving in the car just as I got to the window." George nodded his head and Nora turned to her.

"So what did you do all day?" _What's with the twenty questions?_

"Nothing really. Emily was out with Peter, her new _boyfriend_, so I exercised and took a shower. Spent most of my time in my room."

"Have any idea what Derek was up to?" _Yeah. I have an idea. You want the lies though. You want the mask. Be happy and smile Casey. They want you to be happy._

"I think he just slept all day. I actually haven't seen him. So he's either in his room or he's been out all day." Casey turned and went upstairs before they asked anymore questions and before she pulled her hair out trying to figure out what her next step was. _I need a plan. What am I going to do now that he's...How do I live with him? How do I look at him? Do I tell someone and let it blow up in flames? Be that dirty girl that was violated by her step-brother? What if they thought I wanted it, and I said I didn't want it to cover up the fact that it happened? That would be terrible..._

As she reached the top of the stairs she heard a loud 'shh-ing' coming from the games closet. Casey knew who the people inside were, so she didn't bother disturbing their _covert operations._


	13. Brooke

**Author's Note-- **This chapter gives a little more insight into the real Derek's mind. Many of you are feeling sympathetic to Derek's situation which is understandable. As long as you aren't sympathetic to the _real_ perpetrator. To those of you who have read "Only You", and read the author's notes you know that I am not as confident writing in Derek's POV so I would really appreciate some constructive criticism in this matter for this chapter and future chapters. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer-- **I wonder what would happen if I had been the creator the whole time. What direction would the show have taken? Would Derek and Casey have wild passionate smex at the moment? I own nothing. -Cries for lack of Dasey smex-.

Casey was staring at her computer screen thinking for the past half-hour. No plan that worked could come to her mind, and she finally decided to start typing it out. Like cataloging her thoughts in hopes that something would spark if she made the thoughts visible.

"_Dear Journal,_

_Plan 1A: Avoid as much as possible. Play happy till you are over it…then be happy. _

_Scratch that. How do I get happy journal? I can't stay sad over this forever. It did just happen though. And I feel like it's just always been this way. It was never any other way. Which really isn't true but it feels like it's all I know. And it's all I can think about. _

_Plan 2A: Confront the perpetrator. Deal it out with him. Take a weapon for protection. Knives are weak, and I can't back down. _

_Scratch that too. I'm too afraid. He looked so serious about cutting me with that knife. And he didn't have a problem doing what he did. This is-"_

A knock was placed lightly on her door. She turned off the monitor and answered it.

"Edwin? What is it?" Edwin turned to the left and snapped his fingers and Derek came to stand next to him. His face was gentle and not the dark face she had seen earlier that day.

"Derek said that he needs to talk to you but was-" Derek covered Edwin's mouth and looked down at him. Edwin peered jovially at Derek.

"I just said to get her to open the door." Derek said, and then smiled at Casey. "Thank you _Edwin_." He pushed Edwin away and Casey started to close the door but Derek put his foot in the way.

"I have nothing to say to you." Casey said in a harsh whisper. He looked down at his feet.

"Please, just hear me out." He gently moved pass Casey and closed the door. Derek didn't reach down to lock it. Casey looked at his hands. No CD to drown out their voices.

Derek set himself on her bed and held his hands together against his head in contemplation. Casey looked down at him. He seemed to be in an emotional weaker state. _I need to say something to him. Don't freeze out Casey. Say something. Say something before you see the true aggressive jerk he really is._

"What you did was wrong Derek…" Her voice barely squeezed out. It didn't make her feel better, but at least she had said _something_.

"I know. I don't know what came over me." His voice was almost girlish. Casey furrowed her eyebrows.

"**_Just_** because you don't know what came over you…doesn't mean I'll _**forgive**_ you."

"I'm not asking for forgiveness. It won't matter because it won't be erased. What I need you to know is that it _might_ happen again. And I know how to make sure it doesn't." Casey rolled her eyes and started to turn to her door. _How dare he come to threaten me again. Like being nice will hide him from himself. _Derek jumped up and gently turned her back around. "You need to listen to me."

_What am I thinking? Casey won't listen to me. And I can't tell her that it wasn't Derek. It was that bastard Damien. Call me a little bitch will you? I'll show you a little bitch._

"I don't _need _to listen you. You didn't _need _to listen to me when I yelled out," Casey's voice was rising, "**No**! _Don't do this_! **Stop**!" She pushed him down onto her bed. "Why the _hell _should I listen to a _damn _word you have to say! And here you are threatening me again! What is the condition for it to never happen again? _Hmm_?" Casey got closer, her face heating with anger. Brooke leaned back in a mild fear. "Not to lie? Not to break the things you give to me out of the _goodness _of your _soul_?" Casey laughed loudly. "What goodness? What soul?"

Brooke stood up and touched Casey's shoulder and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Casey brushed his hand away and slapped him hard across the face. Derek's fist clenched and the sweet face was gone. It wasn't dark either. It looked like it used to before all of this happened. _I sware, if Derek lays a hand on me I will __**scream**__. _"What was that for?"

"Get out Derek." Derek smirked at her.

"Gladly." He nudged her shoulder lightly and left her room. Casey shook her head and sat back at her computer. She didn't turn the screen on though.

Derek walked into his room and Edwin was sitting on his bed.

"What are you doing in my room?" He asked, annoyed.

"Umm…You told me to wait here Derek." Derek shook off the confusion, not wanting to think about the black-outs he had been having.

"Well, get out. I don't need you anymore. Task accomplished." Edwin nodded his head, but looked a little worried.

"So you told her the truth?" Derek furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? What truth?" Edwin stood and walked forward a little.

"About you know…your feelings. The ones you've been having lately." Derek crossed his arms.

"About? Feelings for what?" Edwin stared at his brother. His face was contorted in a disconcerting way.

"The ones you've been feeling for _Casey_." Derek's eyes got wider and his mouth hung open slightly.

"When did I say that? How did you know that?" He leaned back and shut his door so no one could hear.

"About ten minutes ago when you told me. I asked why you had Casey's bra in your room and you said that you wanted a piece of the woman you loved in your room." Derek's breathing got shallow and his mind raced with questions as to what he had been doing everytime his world turned black.

"L-love? Whoa Edwin. No-no-no. Love is not in my dictionary. Nope." He was shaking his head. His eyes landed on the white bra on his bed. _Did I take that while I was blacked out? Why would I tell him about my feelings for Casey? I swore that was going to between me and myself. I swore I would never fall in love and that if I had no one would know. No...This is **not** happening..._

Casey finally brought herself to turn on the computer screen. Slapping Derek gave her some form of relief but it wouldn't be enough for a long time.


	14. Secluded Or Just Reclusive?

**Author's Note-- **I'm not sure what to say about this chapter. I know next chapter I am going to be writing about the McDonald girls out to lunch (Better title of course)...I dropped a few things in this chapter that _will_ be appearing later so pay attention. They are so small a detail, but so powerful. So yeah. Enjoy it! :D

**Disclaimer-- **Psh.

Casey stayed in her room for the rest of Saturday. She didn't want to see anyone, nor did she _need _to. The feeling of heaviness wouldn't fade, and all she could see as she laid on her bed at night was his sinister smile lurking above her burning body. Ever fingerprint he left on her skin and bite-mark that his teeth dug into her was a reminder of her position.

Casey could still feel him. Even after the shower. Even after he tried to talk to her.

"Did he think I would _listen_?" She questioned angrily to herself. A tear fell without the slightest sob. The edges of her fingers felt the sensation of a desire to hit something but her mind restrained her.

Eventually sleep came over her, but the thoughts would continue in her dreams. The nightmare would still live on in the morning.

_Dream Derek knocked softly on her door. The echo carried on and on. His voice sounded. _

"_You wanted it Casey. You're the dirty little girl who slept with her step-brother. You want me bad. Open this door and you can have me all night long." Her stomach turned with loathing. The hate bottled up, she'd kill him if she had the chance but the repercussions would devastate the school and home. _

_The lock clicked, and her doorknob turned slowly. The blue light shading the room got darker and the footsteps lurked in her direction._

Lizzie walked into Casey's room around nine in the morning and Casey jumped up. Her eyes wide, Lizzie looked just as frightened as Casey did.

"Are you okay?" Lizzie asked cautiously. Casey's edginess softened and she looked down.

"Yeah, you just startled me. Sorry kiddo." She gave Lizzie a gentle smile. "What do you need?" Lizzie looked back and shut the door. Silently she sat on the bed, looking at Casey.

"I need some advice." Casey scooted back and leaned against her headboard.

"Okay, I'm here to help. What do you need?" She was excited on the inside; Casey loved giving advice.

"Okay…um…have you ever been in a position that you _wanted _to be in but you also _didn't _want to be in." Casey thought for a moment. She thought of the moment she broke up with Max. Of course she still liked him, but she wasn't herself when she was with him. It wouldn't have been healthy to stay with him even though she was still crazy about him.

"Yes. Why do you ask? What position are you in." Lizzie gave a short cough.

"Well, let's say I wanted to do something but I was afraid that other people wouldn't understand and hate me." Casey furrowed her eyebrows.

"Well you know your family is always there for you, right? You couldn't do _anything _that would make me hate you." Lizzie smiled heartwarmingly at Casey. "Can you tell me what action you are thinking of taking?" She looked away from Casey. Her eyes darted around her sister's room but stayed away from Casey's eyes. Casey was starting to get a little worried. "It's nothing dangerous is it?" Lizzie giggled.

"No. How about…if I end up doing what I am thinking of doing I'll tell you; If I don't…I won't tell you." She nodded her head at Lizzie.

"Okay. Sounds good to me." Her mind turned in contemplation as to what Lizzie was thinking of doing; and then she remembered she needed to give some advice. "My advice to you would be," Lizzie looked expectantly at Casey, "would be to think about it hard before you do it. Weigh the consequences if there are any, and weigh the good vs. bad. Like when I had to break up with Max. I didn't want to break up with him but I needed to." Lizzie's eyes got wide and she nodded her head vigorously. "Well before I actually broke up with him I had to think about the good and bad outcome. There was more bad, so I had to end it." Casey touched Lizzie's shoulder.

"Okay. So I will _definitely _take my time thinking about it."

"Also…Never forget this…Don't do something that you will regret. Make sure that you will _never _regret a decision. My theory is that as long as you thoroughly think through your decisions you won't regret them."

"Thanks sis! I think I'm going to go back to bed for a while." Lizzie reached out and hugged Casey. With a smile on her face, she left the room.

Casey stretched and closed her eyes.

_I have to leave this room at some point. I can't stay in here in hiding. Then he will win again and again. Even if I left this room I couldn't look at him, and I couldn't fight back. And then people would wonder why I wasn't arguing with him…why I was just taking whatever he felt like saying to me. So should I try to fight? Try to avoid? Ignore? It's not like I have anything to say to him. _

Her feet dangled over the side of the bed and she finally got off her bed and walked out of the room. The bathroom was currently in use. Derek's door was open and he wasn't in his bed. She figured he was the one in the bathroom. Instead of waiting she headed downstairs. As Casey walked down the steps and saw Derek walking out of the kitchen. The bathroom door opened and closed in the background. Edwin rounded the corner and walked past Casey on the stairs. Derek peered up and saw Casey. His eyes shook.

She stared at him. Something felt weird. Not good or bad, just weird. Like it didn't happen. Like that wasn't the guy she knew yesterday. Like that wasn't the man who violated her.

_Oh god, I didn't actually tell her how I felt did I? _Derek smirked to hide his thoughts from her. Whether or not he did, he had to play it off like it was no big deal. He turned his eyes away from her and walked to his chair.

Casey thought about turning around and going to take a shower but she decided to head to the kitchen.

Nora had just got done making up breakfast. Eggs and pancakes were stacked on separate plates on the island and she was piling now cooked bacon onto a plate.

"Hey Case! Just so you know, we are going to go out for lunch with Lizzie around one so be ready alright!" Casey nodded her head at her mom.

"Marti isn't coming?" Nora set the plate of bacon next to the eggs.

"Well I asked her and she said that she'd 'much rather be doing something else.' In those words mind you." Casey smiled. "I asked her what she will be doing and she said that she was going to play with Daphne and Daphne's new friend Brooke." She raised her eyebrows at Nora.

"So now she has two imaginary friends? Is that healthy?" Casey questioned jovially. Nora smiled and gave a little giggle.

"I'm sure it's fine. If she starts developing a community I'll worry, but I don't think that will happen." Nora handed Casey a plate. "Kids! Breakfast is ready!" Edwin and Derek walked into the kitchen. Marti started barreling down the stairs, hungry for some syrup-soaked pancakes."

Casey looked around.

"Where's Lizzie?" Edwin turned to Casey immediately.

"Probably upstairs sleeping still." She squinted at him and then started walking out of the kitchen. Edwin jogged ahead of Casey. "I'll get her!" He said loud, not turning back to Casey.

She shook her head and grabbed a plate. After getting her food she went to the dining room table. Derek was sitting in the chair with his food and Marti was on the couch with hers.

He leaned over to Marti and whispered something. Casey subconsciously leaned forward but at the moment he started speaking Lizzie and Edwin came tromping loudly down the stairs. They got into the kitchen, grabbed their food and sat next to Marti. Edwin was in the middle.

Nora had taken some food downstairs for her and George.

Casey stared down at her food.

_I'm so alone. And they don't even see it...They are so blind to my pain. This isn't drama. I'm tired of drama. It's not even important anymore. I don't even know why it mattered so much before. I'd take those silly trifles...over this...any day..._

She grabbed her plate of food that she hadn't even touched and took it to the kitchen. Casey took her fork and scraped every bit of food into the trashcan.

She set the plate down with an echoing 'clack' and walked upstairs to her room.


	15. Azzonait, The Place For Couples

**Author's Note-- **Sorry it's been a bit. I'm working on set crew for a play at my school so it literally soaks up all of my time. I don't even have time for my flippin homework. I wrote this in like five sentence spurts so if it's choppy, boring, please let me know. I hope this chapter doesn't bore the frick out of you guys!

Definately some forshadowing, and some hidden clues. These will probably be harder to spot but trust me, your subconsious brain will pick up on it FAR sooner than your concious will. That's what I love about writing. You can throw something so subtle and their brain WILL see it and it won't even hit them unless they sit there analyzing the work. This could definatley turn into a rant so I'm just going to stop there. I get a little passionate sometimes, I'm not gonna lie. It can be overwhelming.

**Disclaimer-- **I dare you to make my day by lying to me and saying that I totally own LWD. I _dare_ you.

Hours of doing nothing seemed to pass too quickly. Casey twiddled her fingers in the silence of her room. A knock on her door, and a soft murmur of Casey's name let her know that her mother was ready to leave.

Hours since not eating breakfast and she still had no desire to eat. It was the opposite of love-sickness in her mind. It was hate-sickness.

Casey dolled herself up slightly, hoping she didn't look messy and went to the car with her mom and Lizzie.

"Would you like to drive Casey?" Nora asked before they got into the car. She thought about it for a moment and held her hand out for the keys. Lizzie smiled and got eagerly in the backseat.

Music softly played in the background and Nora hummed to it lullingly.

"Mom, where should we go to eat?" Casey asked.

Lizzie stirred in the back.

"I'd say Smellie Nellie's but I think you are tired of that." Nora looked back at Lizzie.

"I don't know about Casey but I want something else. I don't go there often but it's not my favorite place." Their mom said in a very opinionated way, extinguishing any hope or desire they may have had to go to Smellie Nellie's. Casey actually didn't want to go, just in case Derek's shift started while they were out to lunch.

"Well what's your favorite place?" Lizard asked kindly.

"Unfortunately the place I'd like to eat at got torn down recently. I still don't know why they got rid of it." Nora resituated herself facing the front of the car. Casey turned the street.

"I actually heard of a place. It's called Azzonait. I've never heard of it before the other day so I think it's relatively new. Maybe we should check it out today." Casey said officially, remembering the name of the restaurant Em and her new beau went to the other day.

"Sounds great! What do you think mom?" Lizzie said eagerly.

"I'm always up for new places and I've never heard of it either." Casey smiled at Nora and reached for her cell phone. Realizing that she had abandoned the random tokens of Derek's hidden affection her heart sank. Her neck started to get hot like everyone knew her cell phone wasn't in her pocket. Like everyone knew _why_ it wasn't in her possession anymore.

Casey pulled over to the side of the road. She needed to call Emily to find out where the restaurant was.

"Is something wrong Casey?" Nora asked, concerned. Casey wiped her forehead and turned to her mom.

"I f-forgot my cell phone at home and I need to call Emily to find out where the restaurant is." Nora bit her lip.

"I forgot mine at home too." She said to her daughter. Lizzie ruffled deep into her pocket and yanked out a small silver cell phone. Casey's mouth hung open slightly.

"Where did you get that?" Nora and Casey asked softly in unison. Lizzie blushed and looked down at the cell.

"Edwin and I share it. When you and Derek started sharing the cost of the car insurance I remembered how me and Edwin have both been itching for a cell phone. Him for his business and me for friends and team-mates/coaches…I asked him if we could get a cell to share and split the cost." Lizzie looked up. "He said it was brilliant and we went to get a cell phone." Nora furrowed her eyebrows.

"They didn't ask for parental permission? You guys are only fourteen." Lizzie let out a short breath.

"He had long since made friends with one of the tech-guys there. They were such good friends that he knew that Edwin kept to his word and never spent more money than he could afford. The tech guy, Dave, he offered to help pay but Edwin refused because he absolutely _hates_ being in debt." Casey smiled.

"You guys are so close. You know so much more about each other than I realized." Casey said lovingly at the unity of the two younger ones' lives. Liz's eyes got wide for a second, then loosened and she handed the phone to Casey without a word. Nora turned back to the front of the car…feeling oddly defeated by the wonderful minds of her daughter and step-son.

After calling Emily on Lizard's cell and getting the directions, they headed to Azzonait.

Casey was still a little wary about the absent cell phone, though she knew that they hadn't given it a second thought. They were seated in a non-smoking section by a window. There were small chandeliers lighting the room and the curtains were drawn slightly so that the afternoon light was dimmed a little. Most of the walls and chairs were covered in a beautifully elegant red embroidery. The entire restaurant smelled of cinnamon and cocoa.

Couples were scattered at different tables.

"I feel a little out of place here. It seems more romantic then family-oriented." Nora said as she sat in the chair closest to the window. Casey eyed the room for a group of people to make her mom feel a little better. She spotted, far off, a mother, father and little daughter with curly blonde hair and a beautiful green dress.

"Look mom. That couple brought their daughter." Casey said nicely, pointing to the family. Lizzie sat next to Nora and Casey sat across from them next to the window.

"They look so nice. The daughter must only be about 6 or so. Maybe younger." Lizzie said to herself. Her inquiring nature never wavered. Sometimes, to Casey, it seemed that Lizzie wanted to know everything so she could learn something good so she could take that small amount of good, multiply it, and use it to make the world a better place.

"Okay Casey. Tell me why you were so determined to have a sit-down at a restaurant with me and Lizzie. Is there something you need to talk about?" Casey's lip twitched slightly.

_Yes. There are a few things I would like to discuss. One. Derek's obsessed with me. Two. I'm not a virgin anymore. Three. The obsessed from point one took the sanctity of my womanhood. Four. It's quite possible I am pregnant. Though technically it takes a couple of days to actually become impregnated by a spermatozoa. _

"Kind of. Not really. It's just complicated." Nora and Lizzie looked quizzically at her. "I needed to leave the house okay! I am sick of the people we live with now. Okay that's a lie. I love them all to death. Except Derek." She let out a visible shutter.

"What's new to that?" Lizzie asked, grabbing the menu in front of her and looking at the lunch section.

"Well, Derek's been…" Nora peered over at what Lizzie was looking at. _They're not interested. Why would they be? It's me complaining about Derek. _

"Derek's been what?" Her mom asked, looking at her own menu. Lizzie slid a finger down the choices of sandwiches.

"Derek's been…" _You can't tell them. They won't believe you or they won't care as much as you hope they will. Or they will care too much and trauma will be created. Oh how the girls at school will hate me forever. He did to me what he would never do to them and they would __**of course **__assume I wanted it. _

"Casey!" Lizzie and Nora said loudly. Casey's eyes unglazed and they came into focus.

"Jeez Case…"Liz said in astonishment, "what _has _he been doing?" Nora's face was that of a truly worried mother. Their menus now abandoned, their ears now open, and Casey was now more reluctant than ever to tell a soul.

"You know what. It's not even that important. I'm just glad to be out of the house and away from him. Why don't we celebrate this occasion by _not _talking about him." Lizzie looked at her big sister in disbelief, but brushed it off as her mother grabbed the glass of complimentary water and held it up in a toast. Casey and Lizzie did the same.

"To us girl's and the troubles that the men in our lives may bring us." Nora said with confidence. They all touched glasses and drank till their hearts filled with tears they would soon shed in a salty array of fury and sadness.


	16. Am I Insane?

**Author's Note-- **I've noticed some people get a little confused when I do the personality changes, so I'm trying to make it more obvious for my readers! :D Hope it helps! :D

**Disclaimer-- **Puh-lease.

After their lunch, which Casey was only half-satisfied with, they headed home. Sunday was a dark reminder of Monday, something that she dreaded at this point in time.

Monday brought the fakeness of heart she had created the previous week, and lies that the now dead _'Liberated-Casey'_ had left behind for her to deal with. Emily was wrapped up in the world that she had dreamt of her whole life; popular-life, not to mention the way she _should_ be acting was all messed up. Derek had messed her up from the inside out. Just like usual, he didn't have to try hard.

They entered the threshold of their home and scattered. Lizzie to Edwin's room to discuss spy missions, or something to that effect, Nora put Casey's to-go box in the fridge and went to her bedroom to talk with George, and Casey headed to her room.

She locked the door behind her and sat at the computer.

After logging onto her journal she stared off in contemplation. _Will writing do me any good? No problem will be solved. Although writing can be an emotional release. _Her fingers landed on the keyboard and she began to type.

"_Dear journal, _

_My hands stretch out to reach the shoulders of those who said they'd be there_

_I find myself weak, I fall helpless, and they slowly turn their faces away_

_The only face facing me is the face of sore corruption;_

_He smiles and smirks and I cry and I whimper_

_Hit me, please, knock me out, _

_Take me to the place of euphoria you'd want me to want_

_Do you love it when I yell your name? _

_Did you want me to not want it because taunting me is so much more fun_

_And you play like you don't know, while their ears cannot hear_

_And I play like I don't know because I don't want them to fear it._

_Don't let them near it. _

_Sorry so morbid my friend, I had to get it out of me. I'll try not to think about it. I'll act like it never happened and hopefully it will just go away. I can't confront him or my family. If it happens ever again, and even more times I'll try harder to reach out…but I'm too scared. Maybe I am thinking too much. But that makes me afraid that I'm not thinking enough. And I can't stop thinking because acting like I wasn't thinking about what I was doing was what got me into this mess. _

_I had a lovely outing with my mother and sister. It was quite enjoyable actually. The food wasn't so good, and I didn't eat a lot of it. I think I ate about two bites of the meat and some of the side food but ¾ of the food was put in a to-go box and we brought it back home. I guess I wasn't hungry and food just sort of sounds gross today."_

Casey tapped her finger impatiently on the desk.

"_I want to hang out with Emily, but not really. Most of me just wants to sleep for a really long time."_

She went back and deleted "I want to hang out with Emily, but not really." and put where the sentence used to be,

"_It wouldn't bother me if I never spoke to Emily again. Most of me just wants to sleep for a really long time._

_At the moment my brain seems to be feeling heavy and I want to write more and more but all I'll do is repeat myself. I'll save that for another entry. For now, goodbye._

_-Casey"_

She turned off the computer and grabbed her book bag by the side of her bed. Casey pulled out her homework and crawled onto the bed.

There was only math homework, and surprisingly she got through it quickly.

_Anything that takes me away from these terrible thoughts goes faster than it usually does… _

Casey rolled over after she had completed the work and fell asleep.

A knock sounded quietly on Derek's door. He got up and opened the door. Edwin's eyes looked red from tears and Derek's eyes got wide.

"What's wrong with you?" Edwin looked down. Derek felt heavy and everything went black.

"Nothing, I just need some advice. Can I come in?" Brooke looked heartwarmingly down at Edwin.

"Sure Ed. Come in." He let him walk by and shut the door behind Ed. Edwin sat on the computer chair and faced Derek. "So bro, what's on your mind?"

"Well, you know how you told me about how you feel with Casey?" Brooke shook his head yes, remembering that she had confided Derek's feelings to Edwin because she was trying to ease Casey's pain as to what Damien did. "Well, what would you say if I had been feeling that way…about Lizzie far before you ever told me that?" Derek's eyes twitched. Not in a bad way, just in a slightly shocked way.

"Really? I never saw that coming." Brooke leaned back in deep contemplation but fell too far into the darkness. Derek came crawling out of his minor blackout.

"You didn't? But what should I do? The other night she spent the night in my room. Nothing happened, but holding her and watching her sleep. She was so peaceful and I want that. And I know how she feels, I just also feel as scared as she does. I'm so confused. Should I pursue her or let the feelings fall to the wayside?" Derek stared blankly at Edwin.

"What? Who are you talking about?" Edwin looked at Derek in confusion. His eyes started to get redder, and Derek leaned further away.

"Tears are worse than hugs, remember this!" He held a pointed finger at Edwin.

"You know what Derek," Edwin stood, angry, "You say you'll be there for me for advice, but once again you don't give me advice and act stupid, and then," Edwin looked down, "You make me feel bad for having emotions. Like it's a sin. Like's it's only reserved for girls. Even then you hardly accept it." Edwin's voice got louder, "What are you afraid to feel?" He flung his hands in the air and got closer to Derek, "Sadness? Sadness because you'll never have Casey?!" Edwin shook his head and stormed out of the room.

Derek's eyes almost flashed into blackness, and he heard a monster laughing in the dark reaches of his mind. His heart rate paced faster and he felt insane.

"What's wrong with me?" He held his head in his hands. "Am I going crazy?" Eyes wide, he stared at the floor.


	17. What She'll Never Do Now

**Author's Note **Okay, I don't write this _directly_ in this chapter, but Derek goes to Casey because of his blackouts. He wants to ask for her help. He goes in and wakes her up but as events and dialogue happens, why he comes in isn't mentioned. At the end I state that the one person he secretly relied on would never again 'pity help' him as a statement saying that the reason he went in there was for her help. Just so that clears any possible confusion. And if I get any reviews asking why he went in there I will be upset that they don't read the authors note. AN is VERY valuable. Well, I make it valuable.

And after I posted the previous chapter I got off and wrote this chapter. Ironically, before I posted this chapter I went to check if I had any reviews someone said that they wished Derek would realize that he had done something so unforgivable...

Enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer **HAHA. And that's all I have to say about that.

Casey was shaken awake by a very disgruntled Derek. She weakly opened her eyes, and reeled back in horror to see him above her. She looked behind him and the door was shut. In a moment of instinct she kicked his inner thigh, missing where she _really _wanted to kick.

He fell back, holding a yelp of pain behind his teeth.

"Get out." She said in a harsh whisper. It was rather dark in her room. Casey hadn't realized she fell asleep, and was surprised no one had woken her for dinner.

"What the hell was that for?" Casey reached around and grabbed her pillow and threw it at him.

"I don't want you in here. There are people here this time, I'll scream and they will come. At least Lizzie will." Derek picked up her pillow.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" He asked, agitated, as he stood. His voice was shaky and his skin looked damp. Casey's face softened. Something was less dangerous, less menacing. She shook her head with her eyes not looking away from him.

"Why are you like this to me? You were so bad to me in the beginning and I didn't like it and I didn't understand it. When I tried to reach out you resisted me. We couldn't be friends...I'm a goody-two-shoes. I ruin reputations when people are friends with me." Casey's eyes got wet, "Then we hate each other like normal. Family fights and still you were there for me to help against the crowds of teasers aching to get some harsh words in...words that you also contribute to nearly _every day_...And I never thought you could be like that. I never thought you could be so evil." Her hands met her eyes and she sobbed, still talking through quivering vocal chords. "I never thought you would be that way…Can you tell me why? Why me? Why…me…?" Derek looked down so confused, forgetting his initial intentions of coming to her.

What had he done? What did he do in his blackouts that drove Casey even further from him. Such a romantic dream to be with the one you loved and Derek hadn't understood why it was _her_ that he loved. She was right though, he _did_ torment her, and she _did _try to be friends with him before the actual wedding. But there was another element to her story that he couldn't understand.

"Could you please, just tell me what you are talking about?" He had been tempted to tell her to stop crying, as it was making him highly uncomfortable, but resisted. Derek had done something, obviously in his recent escalation of blackouts, and more than wanting her to stop crying, he wanted to know what that wrong-doing was.

"You know! _Why_ are you going to make me _say_ it? I can't even say it in my head. I can't think of anything else and I still can't think of the words." She looked angrily at him. "And you play stupid. Innocent. You were never innocent were you? Was there any other girls you did this to? Or did they all _want_ it?" Derek's heart dropped and realization dawned on him.

"_Last night was fun Derek." Ashley whispered into Derek's ear. He thought back on their date. Not too exciting._

"_Yeah, you looked really great in that dress." She gave a seductive chuckle. _

"_I had even more fun after dinner." He smiled at her, despite the fact he had no idea what she was talking about._

And so many girls that had seemed to experience things with him that he could never recall. All this time he thought that those girls wanted him so much they pretended.

Casey wouldn't pretend. Especially, _like this. And I thought I was a virgin. I was going to do one good thing with myself. 'Course I would never tell anyone and damage my flirtatious rep…but I wasn't going to throw that away. Everything's ruined, isn't it..._

"Casey did…we…" Casey started sobbing again and he looked down at her in horror. His foot fell behind him and he found himself backing away. The thing he really wanted to run away from wouldn't disappear in the distance, it would follow him. Not side by side, because it resided inside of him.

"Why do you have to be like that? Pretending you _just _found out?" Her eyes glared through him. They were red and wet, full of heartbreak and sorrow that _he _had caused.

"I…" Derek turned away from her and placed a hand on her doorknob. "I did, I did…just find out." He left the room.

Derek closed his bedroom door. The one person he secretly relied on, now, would _never_ even give him pity advice. The one person he secretly loved, now, would _never_ love him. Casey was torn and shattered; it was all his fault.

_What have I done?_


	18. Mirrors and Cuts

**Author's Note **I'm on a writing 'spree'. At the moment I'm in the zone. Another chapter is coming up quick. I had to end this chapter short otherwise the flow would be off. The flow is important to me, and I'm sure the fact that it flows helps readers enjoy the writing. :D In this chapter we get in a little more to Dereks' feelings. Not too deeply. I don't want to say it all at once. Of course. And Casey's emotions of course. Symbolism is littered in this short chapter. So much pertaining to the future and how they feel. A lot of the symbolism is so minuscule you may not see it, but I hope that you look out for it. I like a nice over-analyzation every once in a while. I amuse you with a story, you amuse me with over-analyzation. 50-50 relationships rule. Enjoy? Look out for the next chapter within an hour. :D

**Disclaimer **My creativity on this matter is seriously lagging. I remember my first fic, It's You That Gets Me High, I seriously thought those random things up and threw them out. Some people even commented on how they made them giggle. I love to make people laugh. It makes me sad that I don't make people laugh at my disclaimers. So instead of disclaiming that I own this 'Life with Derek' idea...I make a claim that I do...n't own it. Boo yah. XO

Casey faced away from the door after Derek's door was heard shut in the background. The sound continued to echo in the night air. _He didn't just find out. That would be ridiculous. _She stared out of her window. There was no moon and the night seemed emptier and darker without it. Night and day; versus love and hate; versus Derek and Casey.

What difference was there? Night is dark; hate is dark; Derek is dark. _Day is safe, love is safe and I am safe. Those are false. I'm not safe...The darkness is the only thing that seems to hold truth for me and it is the only thing that I can't keep my grasps on. _

_He is crazy. _

Casey sat up with a jolt. _He is crazy! That would make his stories and acting less unbelievable. _After biting her lip in thought, she leaned back slowly and rested her head on her pillow. _Maybe I am crazy. Maybe he's just evil. Maybe I'm trying to give him an excuse so I feel less horrible for letting this happen. _

Casey turned to the door. Her tiredness was gone, vanished to the panicked eyes of Derek. She looked up. _Why did I let this happen? _

Laying for hours, in thought, the dawn came quickly and even sooner a loud alarm sounded stirring Casey from her troubled thoughts. Calmly she turned the 'beeping' off and hung her feet over the side of the bed.

Looking down, she noticed the blue lines beneath her skin. The blue lines that spread blood about her body. Blood that was hot, and dying to come out of her. In a sick and twisted moment of self-hatred she imagined her skin paler and her eyes lifeless. The family sat in rows in a funeral home, roses and lilies were littered about the room and about her casket. Derek walked over first. The dead thing inside her soul let him walk over first.

His smile was treacherous; Nora cried harder and harder.

"He's so brave. He really did care about Casey." Lizzie looked to Derek in honor and amazement.

"Derek, such a great big brother. He's realized what he's lost." Wicked laughter. Casey laughed to herself. The blue lines pumped harder and all she wanted was to _cut myself. Let myself bleed all over him. Let his bloodstained sheets be known to the world. Let me fall to the emptiness I feel and just be empty of my blood. _

Lizzie rapped her knuckles against Casey's door and walked in when there was no answer.

"Hey are you alright? I heard your alarm clock but you haven't left your room yet…" Casey didn't look up at her. She continued staring at her wrists. Lizzie glanced out the door and then walked in and shut it behind her. "Casey, are you okay? I'm really worried about you." Casey looked at her. Slowly, she shook her head no.

"I'm not okay. I will be. But I'm not okay. And it's all my fault." Lizzie walked over to Casey and sat down next to her.

"Do you care to tell me what happened?" She put a comforting arm around Casey, but Casey shook her head no and brushed her arm away.

"I've tried to tell you, and mom..., but I can't bring myself to speak about it. I can't. Not now at least. I'm not sure when…" She stood. "Lizzie…can you promise me something…" Lizzie stood and twiddled her fingers.

"Anything sis…" Casey turned around and put her hands on Lizzie's shoulders.

Derek dried himself off and put some clothes on. He stared about his face, wondering about the sides of him he was dying to meet. The persons' inside of him that kept knocking him out. What other treacherous things had they done? What about kids at school; His parents; His friends; _Marti. _His heart raced at all the imaginary events. Though he knew what he had done to Casey, he couldn't recall _exact _words or actions. Not to mention anything else he may have said or done to others.

_This is torture. _He clenched a fist and tensed his arm. Pretending to punch the mirror, he held himself back, then lightly touched it with his knuckles. In his mind the mirror had shattered; in reality it was still all in one piece. Nothing he could think of was in one piece and the mirror image of himself mocked him.

Derek left the bathroom and heard Casey muttering words to someone. He leaned against her door and heard only one sentence.

"_Never_ be alone with Derek, if you know what's good for you." Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows. Without any explanation, Casey turned and left the room.

Derek heard Casey come and he quickly got into place like he was walking to his room. She cast him an empty glance, then drifted down the stairs.

His heartstrings shattered just as his imaginary mirror had.


	19. Rebound the Pain

**Author's Note **I feel that I say, 'the red head' far too often in the chapter. But I couldn't find much of an identification for her till I revealed her name. Remember the chapter, back a couple chapters, and Casey mentioned throwing a party? A red head looked eager about it. Yes. It's the same red head. (So miniscule. I hope my readers pay attention. D: ) Took a little longer than an hour, but I was hungry... Enjoy. Comment with thoughts. I'm started the next chapter and I'm going to estimate that this will be my longest fan-fic. I have SO many details and events in store for you guys! I sware! I'm so excited! :D I hope no one feels that it drags on or loses it's touch. I DO know how I want it to end. It's just going to take a few things for it to get there and I may have to have a few 'summary' chapters. (Like, the chapters that basically tell how a whole week went...ugh. I hate doing that but I _might _have to. Thoughts on that? Are those boring?)

**Disclaimer** XP

Casey watched her feet trace a path in the hallways of Thompson high. The jovial laughter and light-hearted talking going around her evoked a strange feeling of mad irony. The red head she had sat with last week came up next to her. She looked a little worried.

"Are you alright Casey?" Casey breathed in, and almost in an automatic way, she lifted her head and gave a natural smile.

"Yeah!" She said reassuringly. "I was just thinking about this past weekend." The red head gave a knowing grimace and nudged her.

"So, he asked you out, didn't he?" Casey's eyes got wide and she glared down at her, panicked she may be speaking of Derek.

"What?!" The red head was taken back.

"So, he _didn't_ ask you out?" Casey stopped short.

"Who?" Her heart was racing, hoping that no one else knew even the tiniest piece of information concerning her and Derek.

"My brother. Noel." The red head looked at her like it was the most common bit of information and that Casey should have known.

"Noel? Covington?" She looked at Casey with heavy eyebrows and shook her head yes. "Since when does he like me?" The red head laughed and hooked her arm around Casey and led her to the cafeteria for breakfast.

"He's liked you since last years' musical." Casey twirled that thought in her mind. "I'm not surprised he didn't ask you out though. He's quite the chicken."

They got in line and the red head got a donut and some orange juice. Casey and the red head then sat at the table closest to the windows at the right side of the cafeteria.

"So, Noels' _really_ liked me for a while. Considering it's almost been a year." Casey absorbed herself in the information. At the time she was dating Max. So it was no wonder he hadn't made a move back then. _But it's been a while since I broke it off with Max. He must be chicken..._

"Yeah. At first he wouldn't tell me why he got all funny." Casey furrowed her eyebrows. "What I mean by that is, that during the musical he started acting more light-hearted and less sarcastic. He was still _Noel _but, happier. It was funny because I grew up with him as a brooding younger brother and 'poof', he's different within a week or two."

"Okay, now that doesn't make sense." The red head laughed short, slightly confused.

"What doesn't make sense?" She took a huge bite out of her donut and focused on Casey.

"I was assuming that you were younger than him, considering Noel and I are now in the senior class. How can you be older, but still in high school?" She rubbed her forehead ashamedly, making Casey wonder further.

"uh…" Casey leaned down to catch her eyes, "this is a little embarrassing, but I was supposed to graduate last year. I failed the two classes that I needed because I slacked off. And Noel has always been a grade below me because my dad got my mom pregnant _right after _they had me." She laughed, "No resting for her." Casey smiled.

"Okay. That makes sense." Casey paused. "I don't know why he likes me though..." She shook her head at Casey.

"Oh, Hun, I can't count how many guys like you with all my fingers and toes combined." Casey leaned back. "I didn't know you too well, till this year really, but I've heard senior guys, last year _and_ this year, mention _your_ name. I'd wonder who you were, dying to know who this 'brilliant beauty' was. Max definitely spread the astonishing accounts of your personality around." She made an uncomfortable face. " 'course, after you broke up with him he said real mean things."

"Like?" Casey leaned in, highly intrigued.

"Well, like,…Like this one time, he said you and him were upstairs in his room and you said to him that-" A brunette girl walked up, focused on the red-head.

"Angie! How's it kickin'? Why didn't you call this weekend? I needed to talk to you…remember?" The brunette looked genuinely upset. Angie touched the girls' forearm and looked endearingly upward.

"Oh, I'm sorry Kelly, babe, I forgot. I had some…family issues pertaining to my cousin." Kelly gave a nod of understanding. She obviously knew about this 'family issue'.

"Well do you have time to talk now?" Angie looked at Casey, asking without saying anything. Casey nodded and the two girls walked out of the cafeteria. She sat in contemplation, watching thier retreating figures.

Max said things about her, she had already known that. _But I never knew what he said about me…_

Casey went to her locker and saw Emily waiting impatiently against it.

"There you are!" Emily lifted herself off of the locker and gave her a frustrated look. "Where were you? We always meet each other here, like ten minutes before now!"

"Sorry, I was in a conversation with…Angie, Noels' sister." Emily nodded her head, still slightly aggravated. "It's not a big deal Em."

"I wanted to tell you about my weekend with Peter. But I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear about it." Casey shook her head no.

"I _do _want to know! You have to tell me how it went!" Emily looked unconvinced for a moment and then began going into juicy detail about her weekend. Casey only half listened to the words that spewed out of Emily's mouth. She caught what she thought was important, but didn't _really_ care. Emily came off quite conceited, and Casey was thoroughly disgusted with herself _and_ Emily.

"-mean, I know we just started going out, but he's so _attractive_, I just couldn't keep my hands to my-" _Angie seems really interesting. And, Noel wanting to be with me…I'm such an airhead. Now that I think about it…It was really so obvious. Why have I always been so…oblivious? After building a reputation of 'thinking too much', I have to wonder how much I was __really__ thinking. If I had a clearer head I may have caught more…I guess I don't think as clearly as I thought I thought. _Casey smiled. "He seemed to be enjoying himself and I _love _the fact that I can make him smile."

"Emily, I'm happy you found a great rebound guy." She said loosely to Emily without thinking the statement through. Casey meant to say something along the lines of 'being glad that Emily was over Sheldon' but…

"What makes you think he's _rebound_?" Emily looked really hurt. Casey's mouth dropped open a little, contemplating exactly what she meant by that. _Friends always speak the truth, right?_

"Well, it took you forever just to kiss Sheldon…You hadn't been dating Peter a day and already you had your tongue down his throat." Casey shrugged her shoulders and continued, "and as a friend, I know that you don't _really_ like Peter, you are just looking for someone to help you get over Sheldon." Emily's mouth quiver and she stomped in front of Casey, turned on one heel then glared.

"You, Casey, you don't _know _what you are talking about. And you, Casey, don't know the _meaning _of friendship." With red and wet eyes growing on Emily's face, she blinked, and stormed away.

Calmly, Casey turned around and opened her locker, grabbed her English textbook and headed to her first hour class.

Instead of feeling remorse to the slightly harsh words she had spoken to Emily, Casey felt a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. In the pain there was a certain sense of strength. Though she deeply cared about Emily's emotions and knew that she was incredibly insensitive to the pain of Sheldon moving away, Casey couldn't help but feel happy that for once, she didn't restrict herself to save someone's feelings.

_I mean, how can you save someone from their emotions if it means denying them? _

Her day at school flowed with uncaring glances to pitiless highschooler's that decided on one random day that she was cool enough to look up to.

And now more than ever, she didn't care if she did her best or not.


	20. Beneath the Microscope

**Author's Note **What's the password?

**Disclaimer **I don't own it. xx

Casey threw her books and bag down on her bed and sat on the computer chair with a loud _thunk_. Sweat glistened on her forehead and beneath her eyelids. The sweat gave her some sort of accomplishment. She had surprised herself that she ran all the way home in jeans, _and _beat the bus.

The computer screen flicked on with a touch of the button and someone left a message, or rather a letter, to her in an opened document.

"_Casey, _

_I tried to get into your online journal to figure some things out. I'm sorry I tried to trespass, but thankfully (for you) I couldn't get into it. You must have a very clever password, though that doesn't surprise me. You don't believe me, and I don't expect you to, hopefully maybe you will one day when I figure out what's going on with me, but I didn't know what 'I' had done to you. _

_I did just find out, from that horrible fear and sadness across your face and in your eyes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I swear. I may pick on you, tease you, and I know that I've done some pretty mean pranks at your expense. I did it to…hide the way I felt about you. I couldn't be friends with you before the wedding because seeing how absolutely beautiful and outspoken you were and knowing I couldn't even flirt with you and get away with it…I just couldn't be your friend and get to know you in a positive way. If it would've changed how we are now I might have decided to go with being your friend._

_I'm sorry I didn't. _

_I know this isn't something you want to do, if I were you…dealing with what has happened and how confusing this is for you…actually frightening and confusing…, but would you please talk to me? About what exactly happened? I came to you the other night, trying to figure out what has been going on with me…I keep…forgetting things and I…came to you only to discover…well you know..._

_And I don't mind if you downright reject me and my need to speak with you. And I can't believe how open and raw I am being with everything that is going on with me and you, but I can't keep it in anymore. No more. If you decide to, I will be in the backyard around eleven at night. I will be there for a half hour. Even if you don't come down I need to have clear air to think about things. _

_Derek."_

Casey's hand twitched on the mouse. The tears that were welling in her eyes spilled over and came crashing on the keyboards. They made tiny splatter noises and almost cried with her. She began to sob, in fright, thankful fright. The last thing she wanted was to have him gain access to her online journal. It was the _very _last thing. She made a mental note to thank the website for it's amazing security, or laugh at Derek's idiocy to not be able to break the password.

After saving the document into a private folder, she exited the document and got onto her online journal.

Before typing she got up and locked her door.

"_Dear Journal, _

_Derek left me a letter after he tried to gain access to your secrets that actually hold my secrets. He doesn't know the password. Thank god he wasn't smart enough to figure it out. He says I'm clever, but he must not comprehend that he's just dim-witted. I think if I don't come down at eleven tonight that he will try to gain access to you after some time. He sounds desperate to figure it out, and for me to believe that he didn't mean for it to happen. I don't know what I should believe. I blamed myself, he blamed himself, then didn't, and didn't see it, but was the same person but was somebody else and everything is so…lost. Where does the truth lie? Am I wrong to be confused? Should I not go down to him tonight?_

_Maybe he'd think that I was weak to his call if I came down at night and this is actually a test to see if he has me under his 'control'. Saying I'm right and giving me some power to lure me down to do another one of his evil deeds, only to tell me how I really want him because I want to believe he's a good person at heart again, even though he isn't. _

_I hate myself. I make no sense. Why would anyone want me when I don't even know what I want anymore?_

_Oh, did I tell you? Noel Covington wants to be my boyfriend. I bet all he wants is sex. I won't deny that I'm not hopeless looking…but why would he avoid me constantly if he wanted my mind? Am I just intimidating? Oh well. Angie, his sister, she was mighty intriguing. I was right about Max talking behind my back after we broke up. I didn't think I was wrong, but confirmation is all I needed to set it in stone. _

_What if Derek started talking about me. Calling me a slut. Talking about my devilish 'desires'. _

_And he could team up with Emily, because she hates me and he wants me, or at least wants me in a place where he can get to me the easiest. I know it. _

_I feel it. _

_But enough. I have from now till eleven pm to decide if I want to talk to him. Well, if I will. There's no way I will really want to. _

_If I decide so, I'll let you know how it went. _

_Casey."_

Casey logged out and turned off the computer. She got into a jog suit and went for a run around town, with naught but the thoughts of a paranoid girl.

Edwin walked down from the attic and knocked on Lizzie's door. It quickly opened and her hand yanked him into the room. She quietly shut the door and turned to glare at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked defensively. Lizzie got threateningly closer.

"What's _wrong_?" She gave a short laugh, "What's _**wrong**_**?**" Edwin scooted back from her with wide eyes. "_Why _did you tell Derek that we slept in the same bed together? Why did you feel the need to tell him you liked me, let alone me liking you? I thought we were going to keep this secret?" Edwin became red in the face. He was furious with Derek. Derek had _NO _right to say anything to anyone, _especially _Lizzie.

"I thought I could tell him because he told me how he felt about Casey. I had found someone that I thought I could trust. And he'd never spread a secret of mine before now…though it's no secret to you how I feel is it. I never outright told you I _love _you, but-"

"You _love _me?" Edwin stared blankly.

"Uh, well, I thought, Derek, you said, I-"

"Edwin! You love me!" She said lightheartedly. Her arms wrapped around him and she breathed softly into his neck. His arms reluctantly wrapped around her. After a few moments they separated themselves from each other.

"So, uh, what did Derek say to you?" Lizzie flung up an arm and sat down onto the bed.

"Well," She sighed out, "He came to me and asked if I cared about you as more than a step-brother. I denied it diligently, but he kept pursuing. He sounded quite girly and it was all I could do not to laugh at the way he was talking, but after a while he told me that you had come to him talking about how I slept in your bed and how you had a crush on me and I had a crush on you." Edwin scratched the back of his head and sat next to her on the bed.

"You know, he's been acting funny lately." Lizzie scooted closer to him.

"How so?"

"Well, he's been forgetting what I said, like not even two seconds after I say it. He acts compassionate and listens to my problems and then turns around and says that he doesn't want to hear about it. He always gets this glazed over look before he switches his attitudes around." Lizzie looked down in contemplation.

"That's sounds really strange. Do you think we should tell someone?" Edwin laughed.

"No, he'd deny it anyway and get mad that we said something. I don't know if it's a big problem or anything. It's not like anyone's getting hurt." Lizzie looked at him.

"You don't know that." Her thought's swam with the warning that Casey had recently given her about Derek.

"Well, wouldn't it be obvious? I mean, if he _really _hurt someone?" She looked at him, wondering if she should say anything about Casey and what she had said to her. "Do you know something I don't?" That was the opening; she had to tell him.

"Yes, um, yesterday Casey told me to make sure I took care of myself by not letting myself be alone with Derek. She said that something was bothering her, bad, but for the first time she didn't tell me what it was. Casey's _always _confided her problems in me because I'd never tell anyone. I'm only telling now because technically she didn't tell me anything."

"That's strange." Edwin looked in contemplation. "Do you think we should investigate?" Lizzie shook her head.

"No. I don't. But I do think that we should pay more attention to the small details."

Casey entered the house just before dinner, with two fingers on her wrist checking her pulse.

"Normal." She muttered to herself. Nora came out of the kitchen and waved a hand for her to come.

"Hey, Case, why don't you help me set up the dinner table." Casey obliged and put the dinner plates on the table. Nora walked in with the entrée and sides, and placed them in the center.

"Marti," Nora called to the kitchen, "Could you be a dear and go get your brothers and Lizzie to come down for dinner?"

"Sure Nora!" She exclaimed, happy to have something to do, and trotted upstairs to get the kids upstairs.

"Are you okay Casey?" Nora questioned in a low voice when Marti had gotten up the stairs.

"Yeah why do you ask?" Casey said without looking at her.

"Because you've been acting distant and demanded out of nowhere to go out to eat. I thought you had something to say so I didn't ask what it was and I found out from Emily's mom that you guys had a fight today." Nora paused. "Not to mention that hickey-bite-mark on your neck that I had seen while we were out to eat." Casey's eyes flashed up at her mom. Neither of them moved. Casey could feel her mother peering into the darkest reaches of her mind through the pupils of her eyes.

The four kids came barreling down the stairs and the connection between Nora and Casey broke. George came up the stairs.

Everyone seated themselves for a "_nice family dinner"._


	21. Eleven O'Clock Eclipse

**Author's Note **No matter what happens at the end of this story, accept it, and accept that life doesn't always end how you would like it to. (And no this isn't the last chapter. NO. That's not for at least 5-10 maybe more chapters.)

**Disclaimer **MeThe-not-owning-ness.

When dinner came to a close, Casey scurried out of the dining room. She had no reason to stay behind and from the glances that Derek kept sending her direction, she knew that she had to make a decision.

Instead of doing her homework she sat at the edge of her bed. Her mind twirled and twisted, but could not come to a satisfying result. No matter how she looked at it, the outcome was unpredictable and that could be a bad thing _and _a good thing.

_I mean, I predict that he will try to put me down and do more things to me, and if the situation is unpredictable then he would do something opposite, but if I could expect that then it wouldn't be truly unexpected. So maybe it is predictable? Then why am I so confused? _

Casey held back tears. She was tired of crying, and hiding from him. If she didn't come down that could prove her fear. If she _did _go down it could prove her weakness.

She flung herself backwards onto the bed and stared lifelessly at the ceiling. The position her body was in made her legs spread open slightly over the edge of the bed. Her feminine insides didn't seem close anymore. They felt far apart and constantly spread open, like there was a flush of air running through no matter how she positioned her legs. She had ignored the feeling the past couple of days, but couldn't disregard it in this moment.

Casey crossed her legs and looked out the window. The moon looked slightly orange. Out of curiosity she lifted herself up and walked to the window. Her heart felt heavy and for a moment the man in the moon became Derek and his devilish grin. Blinking, she stepped back, breathing heavy.

_Why am I freaking out? It's just a lunar eclipse. Quit freaking, Casey, it's okay. It's going to be okay. The man in the moon isn't Derek. He's not frightening enough to smirk across the vastness of this planet._

In her last thought, she freed a larger part of herself. He didn't have any power. Going down to him wouldn't give her any more or less power than she had in this moment. It wouldn't give him any power or take any power away.

In this thought, she realized that she given him more power than he had asked for.

Casey sat down on her bed calmly, still gazing out the window at the orange moon, which was now turning red.

"I'll go down. He's been acting funny…Maybe he actually…has something worth saying to me." Casey closed her eyes. "Something worth hearing."

She couldn't believe her tongue, her vocal chords, her mouth; Her decision was made.

As the clock ticked time away, Casey worked on homework. She worked slowly, wanting to stretch out the amount of time it took to do the work hoping it would make talking to Derek come even later.

But time being the only sure thing left to her, eleven came around, right when it was supposed to.

Her feet tottered slowly down the stairs. She wanted no one to know anything, the last thing she needed was someone to overhear. _Especially when people eavesdrop and hear the worst part of the story and fill in the blanks with the wrong information. _

As Casey reached the backdoor she heard a faint muttering.

"No, she won't take it the right way if I say it like that…" She heard Derek from the other side of the door. Casey gave a weak smile, feeling a little heart warmed by the fact Derek was trying to be gentle. This couldn't possibly make up for what he had done, but she had relished the small moment.

She turned the doorknob and opened the door. Derek was standing by the step, looking at her mildly surprised. After turning and shutting the door, she set herself down on the step and looked down at her knees.

Derek stood still for a moment, then sat in the grass across from her. She didn't dare catch his eyes.

"Casey, I-" Derek started but Casey interrupted.

"This better not be anything to reel me in to another one of your 'games'. I'm not a liar and you better not be either." He didn't respond for a moment.

"At this point in time, I have no reason to lie to you." He muttered into his lap. Casey looked at the top of his head.

"Then tell me the truth, do you know what you did to me?" Derek looked up.

"No. I only have what I assume I did to you. I asked you to come down so you could tell me what happened. I swear I don't-"

"You raped me Derek. You kept coming to me and telling me that I wanted you like you wanted me and told me I could make it easier on myself if I just gave in. Instead of me giving in, you dragged me upstairs, knocked me out and raped me." Casey shook with rage as she said this. Derek's eyes didn't look from her. He was horrified that his body had done these things to her. Never in his whole life had his mind felt so trapped. "Heh. At least I couldn't see your face as you put all of yourself into me." She looked down. "You didn't wear any protection. I know that. When I went to go clean myself off after I woke up, it ran down from inside of me." Derek caught her eyes as she faced him. "It's quite possible I am pregnant."

"Casey I-"

"Not like you will take any responsibility for any of it. I wanted it didn't I?" Derek's eyes were wide and he shook his head.

"You obviously didn't." Casey looked at him, her lips pursed.

"Who are you today? Who are you tonight? Are you Derek? Or are you some monster?" Derek looked to the left of him. Who was he? And who was he now to say who he is?

"I'm Derek. I don't know what's happening to me. I…I've been blacking out. I've been coming back to these random moments, like there are huge chunks of my life just…gone." Casey crossed her arms from the chilled night air. The moon had long since reached it's red point and turned white again.

"So you completely missed the part where you-"

"Yes." She uncrossed her arms and grabbed her knees. _Why am I believing this bullshit?_

"Derek. If you could give any explanation, any guess…as to why you would…or some other part of you…would do this to me…could you please tell me." Derek thought for a moment. He wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to hear. Though, knowing Casey, if there was a reason for something, even if it was a bad reason, it made the world less pointless.

"Any guess I could give for what another inhuman part of me has done to you…would be…that I really have feelings for you, though I would never want to hurt you, I have thought about...the sex, and what kissing you could be like." He looked at her, hoping that he hadn't said the wrong thing. Casey recoiled, afraid that he was going to start verbally attacking her. "Please don't look at me like that. I can't deal with that right now." Derek took a handful of grass and ripped it from the ground. Casey rubbed her eyes and calmed her nerves down.

"If I said I believed you…what would you say to me?"

"Can I have your help? I don't want to hurt anyone anymore…" He pulled on his hair, "What if I hurt Marti…?" Derek choked back and Casey furrowed her eyebrows.

"Derek? Are you-"

"Don't say it." He whimpered. Casey reached out a hand and set it on his shoulder.

"Are you crying?" Both of his fists flung to his eyes to keep them closed. He held his breath and did not answer Casey. Her mouth dropped, knowing that he was broken down. "You…are…" She dropped her hand off of his shoulder and stared at him. _Derek is…crying…Derek is crying…Derek is crying…_Casey repeated over and over to make the situation real to her.

"Don't tell anyone please." Derek finally said after he took his fists off of his eyes.

"About you crying?" He rolled his eyes and nodded yes. Casey smirked. "You are either telling the truth…or are a far better actor than I should take you for."

"My feelings for you…and my fear for Marti are real Casey. And one of my hidden talents doesn't include tearing up at will." Casey burst into laughter. Derek looked rather frustrated, but rolled it off of his shoulders. Seeing Casey happy around him was his Godsend. "But Casey. In all seriousness…I do need your help. I need to know what's going on."

"I'm going to have to tell someone then. About everything. About your blackouts and what you did to me." Derek looked reluctant but nodded his head. Casey bit her lip. "Is there any other significant instance where you blacked out and someone was talking about something you had no idea as to what the subject was?" He shook his head.

"Marti calls me Brooke all the time…and Edwin yelled at me the other day because I didn't know about a girl he was talking about." Casey took a deep breath.

"Well then you know what step one is." She stood. Derek stood also, a confused expression on his face.

"No. I don't." Casey rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.

"Derek. It's obvious. We need to get the full stories from Marti and Edwin instead of hiding your blackouts."

"Then what?"

"We talk to Paul." Casey smiled and turned away, ready to go to sleep. Derek grabbed her hand and she turned back around. Her heart was racing, remembering his forcefulness, but there was something much more gentle than before.

He pulled her to him and hugged her.


	22. A Woman Worth Fighting For

**Author's Note **Yes, the end of last chapter was cute wasn't it. I just want to tell you guys that you probably won't get the ending you are hoping for. Hope away though, and just know that it won't be all bad I PROMISE! Just keep in mind this is a **dark dasey **for a reason…

Lots of action in this, lots of ideas. Well, not lots, but you'll know what I mean when you read the chapter. Let me know your thoughts, theories, etc. I love 'em, my readers know this...:D Anywho. We still have lots of ground to cover, I'll be going into chapter 30 for sure but I think after that it's not likely, but possible...depending. I have the ending in my head, (For the most part) it's getting there that I think will take about ten more chapters, so I hope you guys don't lose interest!

Also, let me know what you think of Noel. Is he OOC? (He's only in 2 eps, and honestly I could see him being like this given the situation. Thoughts?)

**Disclaimer **Dont' own it beatch.

Casey collapsed onto her bed and fell asleep instantly. It was the best sleep she had experienced even before her decision to 'liberate' herself.

Morning came and Casey woke a bare second before her alarm clock. She turned it off and exited her room. After a shower and breakfast, Casey and Derek headed to school together. They went in silence, and though the air between them was slightly awkward Casey embraced it, thankful that there was a more logical explanation for Derek's _other_ behavior. Though, she may have accepted any answer that he could have given convincingly, no matter how completely ludicrous.

As she reached her locker, Derek departed from her and Casey questioned where Emily was. Remembering they had fought the previous day, she disregarded her interest in Emily's where-abouts, which she could only assume was with Peter.

Angie walked up to Casey, looking a little frazzled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bail on you yesterday when we were talking. I have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life and-"

"It's okay." Casey said, cutting her off. She reached up in her locker after she opened it and pulled out her English textbook. "It's not a big deal. I have stuff too, I'm human too."

"Well, duh, but I was just making sure you weren't mad." Casey raised her eyebrows and shook her head no, reassuring her. Angie smiled, and held a gaze in Casey's eyes. Casey mad a confused face and she shook herself from the trance. "Um, anyway, I talked to Noel, and he said that he tried but you were fighting with Derek about something."

"Huh?"

"He tried to ask you out, well, when he was going to, he saw you walk out of the cafeteria last week, on Friday, and was going to ask you then but you were fighting with Derek." Casey closed her locker and started walking, Angie followed.

"Oh. Oh well. I don't really know how I feel about Noel anyway. Even if I liked him, now wouldn't be the best time for me to date him." Casey said lazily, "But don't tell him that. If he actually asks me out, I'll say it myself. Third party information isn't good for people who want the truth and not second hand facts."

"O…kay?" Angie seemed a bit confused at what Casey meant, but continued with the conversation. "May I ask what you and Derek were fighting about?" Casey bit her lip. She hadn't thought anyone had seen them the other day, but Noel could have left as soon as he saw that Derek was talking to her, not leaving any time for her to have realized that he was there at all.

"Um, well, you know how that family stuff goes. Sibling rivalry and all." Angie got a knowing look on her face.

"Oh, I get it. He was upset that you were becoming more popular. I saw how his friends migrated to your table with Emily. That must have been an ego blow." She smirked. Casey let out a giggle and shook her head. _Little does she know._

"Yeah, I suppose. But you know, he's always making empty threats." Kelly walked up to the other side of Angie and looped an arm around her waist. Angie pushed her away awkwardly and Kelly looked hurt and disgruntled, but walked closer to Angie.

"Hey Casey." Kelly said unenthusiastically. Casey smiled unwillingly at her, not liking something about her.

"So anyway, if he asks you out let me know. You know how I love gossip and talking about boys." Kelly nudged Angie at this remark and Angie gave her a twisted face that was supposed to send a secret message. She rolled her eyes at Angie and walked off.

"Right... What was that all about?" Casey asked as they reached her English class. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Kelly's odd. I wouldn't worry about it. You probably wouldn't want to know the details anyway." Angie winked curiously at Casey and then left. Confused, Casey sat at her desk.

Lunch rolled around and across the cafeteria, there Emily was, amongst the members of the 'popular crowd'. On her left side was Peter, who was rubbing her thigh a little too affectionately and on her right was Max. Emily caught Casey's eye, and she glared, unforgiving, in Casey's direction. She pointed and Max saw her. He smirked like he knew something she didn't and then looked away.

Her guts told her to leave, and she had learned her lesson recently to trust her instincts. Without even getting food she left the cafeteria and sat in front of her locker.

_Just when I thought high-school couldn't get more twisted and sadistic, I become radically popular in a day, lose it in a weekend, lose my best, most trusted friend, have had a secret admirer since last year, could possibly be pregnant with my step-brothers child, meanwhile having to deal with said step-brothers' blackouts. _

Casey tilted her head back against the locker and closed her eyes.

_Of course, it seems that I'm always conveniently there for him, cleaning up his messes. Maybe this is just another con. What mess would it be that I am cleaning up then? Oh yeah…the mess he made of me…that doesn't even make sense? How can I clean up his mess if his mess is me? Argh…I don't even know…any- What is that?_

Voices were heard a little ways down the hall in the boys bathroom. As it was lunch time Casey didn't know why anyone would want to use to hallway restroom if the cafeteria restrooms were open. Casey leaned her head back and closed her eyes again.

"I don't know what you are talking about Noel." Derek's voice was heard faintly. Casey looked toward the bathroom, now curious. He sounded slightly panicked.

"You know well what I am talking about. Just because I was the only one to overhear you doesn't mean you can pretend you didn't say that to Casey." She sat up, now hearing Noel's voice. He seemed really angry. Her heart was quickening and she slowly stood.

"I really don't know, I wish I could expla-" Casey put effort into slow footsteps, one in front of another, walking to the boys bathroom.

"I don't need an explanation. There's no good explanation to say those things to a girl, _especially _your step-sister." Their voices got louder as Casey got closer. She slowed her breathing, as though it would help her hear more clearly.

"What did I-"

"What did you do? What did you say? You said, and I quote, '_Do you think ignoring your feelings for me is going to make you feel happier?_', and '_Quit denying me_'. Who **says **that kind of stuff to people?" She reached the lockers just by the boys bathroom. Casey leaned against them and continued to listen intently.

"Noel, I don't have time for this, you don't under-" A loud _whoosh _noise was heard and a loud _crack _followed. Casey caught her breath. There was silence, and the world seemed to stand on it's own imaginary tip-toe. "Do you _want…_to understand, Noel?" Derek said, in a different voice. It was slightly deeper and threatening, _just like when he-_

Her thoughts were interrupted by sounds of punches and thrashings until the two boys came toppling out of the bathroom. Casey screamed from fright.

"STOP IT!" She yelled girlishly at the brawling males. Noel kicked Derek off of him and took a large swing at Derek face causing him to twist. Casey thought about jumping on Noel's back to get them to stop but decided that that would be a bad idea and kept screaming.

Derek reached up swiftly and grabbed a hunk of Noel's hair and dragged him down low enough to knee him in the face. She squealed in pure terror. Noel groveled painfully on the floor, his hands twitching.

"_Derek_!" He glanced at her, smirking and proceeded to kick Noel in the stomach. Some kids from the cafeteria had seen what was going on and came to watch. Casey was disgusted at the way they enjoyed this beating. "_Stop it Derek!_" She cried. Noel turned to her and gave her a helpless look, she desperately reached for his and pulled him away from Derek.

Derek's eyes penetrated her soul. His glare was threatening, ominous; she knew the look. _He's not there, is he? He's not Derek…_

"What?" He asked slyly? "Helping your _new _lover?" Casey chewed the side of her cheek, not gratifying him with an answer. Infuriated by her silence he rushed to her and she gave a swift kick into his groin. Derek fell with a loud _thud _and Casey stared at her foot. She too was now part of the violence.

Noel's face was bloodied and she couldn't think of anything to say to him. Her heart seemed to enlarge for him; the feeling was exasperating.

Angie came running down the hall, Mr. Lacitor in tow. As he reached the scene of the two boys down, with Noel's blood spilt on the floor, Derek reeling in pain and Casey standing between them; he looked to her first.

A teen in the unhelpful audience pointed to the boys.

"She was trying to get them to stop and when he was on the floor," The teen pointed to Noel, "She pulled him away and the other guy tried to attack her, so she kicked him out of defense." Derek's eyes were closed, his attitude had disappeared and he seemed to know what generally happened. He laid there, unmoving, knowing that his blackouts had gotten him into even more trouble.

"Is this true Casey?" Mr. Lacitor said, worry stricken across his face. Casey looked at him for a few seconds and burst into tears. Emily was looking out to her in the background, with the saddest face Casey had ever seen on her. Then again she was peering at Emily through tears. "Could someone help these young men get to the infirmary please." No one moved. "_NOW _Please." Two random teenagers walked out of the crowd and chose a boy and walked off. "Casey, please, come with me." Casey nodded at him through her tears and sobs, and followed him to his office.

The onlookers stared as they walked by, mostly at Casey, and in the distance she swore that she could hear Emily crying also, telling Casey that she was sorry.


	23. Time Can Be Treacherous

**Author's Note **I think I'm on another spree! I've been writing chapters like a mad-woman. This chapter was originally written in three chapters, but since they were all short I put them together. So yeah. The ending is inching closer, but it still a ways away.

**Disclaimer **Don't own! :D

Casey sat silently on the chair across from the principals' desk. Mr. Lacitor sat in the chair behind his desk and clasped his hands together. He looked like he had never had to deal with a fight in a school before. Her reputation with him suffered terribly, and to have him deal with the first fight, and the fight including her…things could go even more downhill.

"Casey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. He didn't hit me. I'm shaken up. Really bad…" She stuttered out.

"Are you in a moment where you could tell me what happened with a clear conscious?" Casey shook her head yes. He made a hand motion, signaling her to tell him the story.

"I heard two people arguing in the bathroom, about something that concerned me. I got closer and recognized that one voice was Noel and the other was Derek. Noel was yelling at Derek for something he had said to me and when Derek denied it he hit Derek. He stopped after one hit but Derek became," Casey closed her eyes, "became very angry and started attacking him. Noel and Derek came fighting out of the bathroom and Derek probably broke his nose when he kneed him in the face." Mr. Lacitor looked like he was the one experiencing the pain. "When Derek was kicking Noel in the stomach I pulled him away and then Derek tried to attack me so I kicked him in the crouch." He bit his upper lip at the last remark. Mr. Lacitor didn't respond for a moment.

"What, may I ask, did Derek say to you that would make this fight in the least bit reasonable?" Casey sighed.

"I'd rather not say. In my opinion I don't think that they should've fought over me. It's not even important." She said softly downward. If she kept eye-contact she might say more than she'd like to, and she'd rather tell Paul first.

"Hmm. No matter. I'm sure I will get it from Noel or Derek when they are feeling better." Mr. Lacitor said bitterly. Casey felt a twang of guilt in the pit of her stomach. He didn't need to make her feel worse, but then again he didn't know the whole story. _He wouldn't believe it anyway. Paul would though. _

"Mr. Lacitor, may I please go talk to my counselor?" He looked at her, contemplating. After a few moments he nodded his head and waved his hand.

Casey exited the office and went straight to Paul's classroom. He was sitting quietly in front of the other students, who were busy doing work now.

She walked in, hating the curious glances at her and walked to Paul's desk.

"Paul, is there any one who can fill in, I really need to talk to you. It's an emergency." He pursed his lips, not sure if it was an 'emergency' or an _emergency_. Deciding that he wouldn't risk it he waved a student teacher in the back that Casey had not seen, up to the front.

"Please watch over the students while I go talk with this young lady." The student teacher nodded her head and he walked out of the room with Casey.

They went to his office and sat down in the proper seats.

"What do you need?" Paul asked, concerned.

"A lot has been going on and I can't wait till Thursday to talk to you. The situation can be put off no longer." Casey said rapidly. Knowing that she was going to talk to someone who didn't know felt like a blessing. "Please don't tell anyone that you don't have to tell, okay. I don't know what's going on with Derek but he's been blacking out. When he blacks out he acts like he is someone else, and Marti calls him Brooke sometimes and something that 'Derek' did to me, was very un-Derek-like."

"What did he do?" Casey shook her head. She wanted to say it, but she wasn't sure how he would take it.

"At first I thought it was him, but I was confused why he was acting like that and did that to me. It was really evil and I felt weird and he acted like he didn't know he had done it. After a few altercations he finally got me to talk to him and told me about his black-outs and at first I was uneasy but now I believe him. It's _not _Derek. He wouldn't do that to me." Her last sentence sounded more like a plea.

"What did he do?" Paul asked again, looking more worried about her than ever.

"Um…Please, believe me when I say I don't think it was Derek and I can tell you." Casey said. She felt like it was a childish statement, but she did not care. She didn't want him to think it was Derek when she knew it wasn't.

"It sounds like he has a psychological problem Casey. Anything that he may have done could have been when his mind was 'acting up'. I believe what you say, I know you aren't a fool Casey." She nodded her head, half-smiling at his compliment. Casey took a deep breath and looked Paul in his eyes. After a few moments, Paul on edge, she spoke.

"Derek, or whoever he was in that moment, uhm…" Her eyes were tearing up, "He ra-…uhmm…." Casey tried hard to shove the words out of her mouth but they seemed to be strangling her. Fervently wiping away her tears, she took another breath.

"It's okay, take your time." Paul said kindly. Casey closed her eyes, knowing that she couldn't say it if she saw Paul's eyes.

"Derek. He raped me." She opened her eyes and saw Paul's horrified expression. He didn't know what to say, that was obvious. Casey couldn't hold her tears back any longer and she began to sob loudly. "It wasn't Derek; It was Derek…" She muttered weakly, hoping that Paul would see and know the whole truth and tell her what needed to be done.

"He what?" He questioned, unbelieving.

"And Noel and Derek just got into a fight over the threats that the other Derek was making at me last week. The other night Derek asked for my help and I told him that I had to tell you because you always know what to do and I don't know what to do and my life is going to hell and I can't take it anymore do you know what it's like? What it's like to feel this way?" Casey carried on, still sobbing, torn and tortured from the inside out.

"I-"

"The other Derek kept kicking Noel, over and over. Ugh, his guttural noises were disgusting. And people just _watched_. I've never wanted to barf as much as I wanted to in my whole life as I wanted to in that moment. Paul looked confused.

"I learned about something when I was in college, that could be what Derek is suffering from. But I am _not _sure, okay, you can't take this as fact okay." Casey wiped her eyes and nodded her head. "It was called MPD which stood for multiple personality disorder. It's rare, and it's not insanity, okay. The mind splits personalities apart when there is major physical and/or sexual trauma as a child. So do you know if Derek experienced- well no you wouldn't know..." Paul looked down, heavy in thought.

"He needs to see a specialist, whether or not that is what's going on…right?" He looked up at Casey and nodded his head.

"Could you get him to come in?" Casey nodded her head. "Is there anything else, that happened?" She started to shake her head no and then remembered.

"I could be pregnant. He didn't wear anything…when-" Her eyes welled up with tears. It felt horrible, and good at the same time. Finally getting it out, instead of fighting or talking to Derek about it.

"When did the incident occur?" She blinked hard.

"Saturday." Casey muttered under her breath.

"Here is my advice for you." Her eyes kept to his, and her ears were open for every bit of advice. "Tell your parents exactly what's going on; you and Derek must say it together. Derek got in a fight today so they will be called by the principal. Let them yell at him over the fight he had with Noel and then tell them the deeper side of the story. They need have Derek see a psychiatrist, a specialist, a psychologist, someone who knows about a lot of disorders, I mean it could be PTSD, but I don't know." Casey nodded, still listening. "Then next Thursday morning take a pregnancy test. Preferably next weekend on Sunday. It won't show up if you are pregnant until around that time, okay?" She nodded her head again. "Don't tell your younger siblings about what Derek has done, they are kids so-"

"Of course! I'm not going to scar them for life!" Paul looked down, smiling weakly. His eyebrows were stuck in the same worried position since she had come into the room.

"Try to get Noel to come in here also. He is now a small part of this, as he heard something that Derek didn't know he said." She nodded and breathed in again. Her heart was beating fast, but the sound was low and soft. Casey felt better now that she had an even better plan thanks to Paul.

"Thank you Paul. Do you think I could call my mom so she can come and pick me and Derek up? I'm sure that Derek doesn't want to be here anymore than I do at the moment." Paul shook his head yes and gestured to the phone.

Casey got up and dialed Nora's work number. When she picked up Casey announced that it was her and that Derek and her needed to be brought home as soon as possible.

Nora obliged.

Derek was called down to Paul's office met up with Casey there. He sat on the other chair by the wall. Casey had her head down and Paul kept looking between Derek and Casey. Confused, Derek was the first to speak.

"Is there something going on with our parents? Why are we being sent home?" She turned to him and looked at him like he was an imbecile. His eye and cheek both brandished hideous bruises. There was also a cut on his lip.

"We aren't being sent home Derek, I called mom to come pick us up. I can't be at school any more today and I thought you didn't want to either. Especially after you fought with Noel." Derek was about to say something but bit his lip and looked at Paul. Casey turned away from Derek.

"I told Paul about your blackouts Derek. I know you don't know what you did." She heard him let a breath of relief out. Paul looked down at his desk. The sound of the clock ticking seemed to threaten Casey's life. It was the thing that she had wanted to destroy. She was tired of having too much time, or not enough of it. The ticking loomed over her, as though it knew that time was her only truth. _And what if I was to rid myself of time?_

The door opened and Nora walked it, flustered and worried. Her eyes landed on Derek and her mouth dropped.

"They weren't lying! You did get in a fight!" Nora exclaimed, walking to Derek. "This is inexcusable Derek."

"I don't even re-" He started, but Casey interrupted.

"Derek don't." She said forcefully at him. Casey turned and peered as dangerously with her eyes as she could muster. He nodded, leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Casey you look terrible." Nora said softly, brushing through Casey tousled hair with her fingers. The knots in her hair broke painfully and Casey held back a squeal.

"Can we go now Mom?" Casey asked distractedly.

"Yes honey. Come on Derek." Nora said, shaking her head in shame. Casey trailed behind, exiting Paul's office next to Derek. She turned and waved good bye. Paul waved bye back, his eyes still worried.

When they got home Derek and Casey sat on the couch. Nora stood in front of them, not sure what to say to Derek, but was obviously furious. Casey wanted nothing more but for the day to end so she could sleep and sleep forever.

"We'll have to talk about this later. I need George for this." Nora said finally, storming out of the room.

Derek turned and watched her leave till he spoke to Casey. His eyes looked thankfully into hers but she didn't hold the gaze. The image of him attacking Noel was still imprinted painfully in her throat.

"Casey. I'm sorry." He looked down.

"You aren't the one who needs to apologize to me. I don't need you to apologize to me." Casey looked at the TV. "What I need is a _fantasy _world," She gestured to the television, "so I can rewind time and do it all over with the knowledge I have now. Talk to somebody before what happened and get you help before another version of you ruins me."

"You're not ruined." Casey glared at him.

"I'm _not _ruined? Who are you to say that?" She said low and angrily. "Nobody. You aren't anybody to tell me if I am ruined, or if I should be happy or _anything_." Derek looked away, and shifted so that his body turned away from her. "For someone who seems so sorry, why are you so ready to force me to forget it all and say that I'm okay?" He didn't answer. "I'm not ready to accept the fact that I am destroyed from the inside out and that it is okay. That it will be okay in the end. I don't see how anyone could envision a shred of happiness or dignity for me." Casey breathed out.

"I understand the situation about as much as you do." He said defensively. She let out a short and bitter laugh.

"No, Derek, you don't. That's why you came to me in the first place." Without letting him respond to her remark she got up and left the room.

He scratched his eyes, enjoying the way that the pain made him forget.


	24. BlueViolet and Painful

**Author's Note **Is it good to know that unpredictability is just something predictable that _looks _unpredictable? Is it good to know that you are calm when others aren't but are not calm when others are? Does this all mean we enjoy chaos but are too blind to see it?

I feel odd about this chapter. It came to me in a sort of...choppy way. It disrupted my -flow-, but hopefully it's not obvious to you guys. If you guys see/feel anything odd let me know, alright? Because I could use that information to help me in the future. I, being a library of information, I'd take any constructive criticism into complete consideration. So yeah. You guys know that. READ!

**Disclaimer **

"_Dear Journal, _

_I am so trapped. I walk into one trap after another. First the trappings of my heart, where I cannot stand to stay boring and plain…then being trapped behind devil's eyes and now this entrapment. The entrapment of my soft heart. I shouldn't have agreed to help him. He thinks I've forgotten and moved on. Apparently he wasn't there. So I can see how the rape of my soul doesn't seem as bad to him as it does to me. He fears for himself and himself alone. Not for me. Why should he care? I'm not the one blacking out and going crazy. _

_Noel fought with Derek today over what 'Derek' had said to me last Friday. Why does last Friday sound so far away? Maybe because it was before what happened. I wonder what Noel would do to Derek if he knew what happened Saturday. If he hit Derek just for saying something wrong to me…It makes me wonder. I won't tell Noel what 'Derek' did though. There wouldn't be any good intention. _

_Though I do feel a certain happiness toward Noel now. He was like my knight in shining armor, defending my womanly honor. _

Casey sat straight in her computer chair, a smile lit upon her face.

_If he asked me out on a date I would most definitely go. Going out, as boyfriend/girlfriend? Still questionable. I don't really know him. I know his sister more than him because he doesn't talk much. His sister probably talks enough for the both of them really. I think Emily apologized to me, but I can't be sure. And I really do feel bad but it is __true__. Peter is just a rebound. Emily knows the ins and outs of relationships with other people but couldn't be more clueless about the true nature of hers. _

_A part of me wants to hold her at a distance. Not because I don't want her to be my best friend anymore, but because I don't want her to know too much. _

_Plus, I haven't been enjoying my life these couple of days and my solutions are getting darker. I don't think of it in words, but I feel it. When I look down and see my skin. 'Derek' so easily broke through, why not me?_

_-Casey"_

She logged out and turned the computer off. After a deep breath, Casey went to her bed and laid down.

The other day she had thought to bleed everywhere. So dramatic, as Casey was anyway, but she had scared herself. As she looked up at the ceiling, she brought her wrists into view.

_It would be pointless wouldn't it? _Her eyes traced the vein of her right arm down to her elbow. _To cut myself. What would I prove? That I could hurt myself worse than Derek ever could? _Casey's left hand grabbed her right wrist and squeezed. She held it tightly for a minute. Her right hand felt the suffocation and Casey's face remained emotionless. The lack of interest in her eyes made her feel dangerous. _I wonder if that's how the other Derek felt. Looking at me the way he did. I bet he felt dangerous. _She kept holding her hand. It was turning a faint blue-violet, but still she did not let go.

"Casey?" A knock sounded after the voice, and Nora entered the room. Casey quickly let go of her wrist and she sat upright. "I didn't disturb anything did I?" She asked, looking about the room.

"No. You just startled me." She brushed the hairs out of her face and looked at her mom.

"Do you mind if I talk to you?" Nora asked, shutting the door and setting herself on Casey's bed. She really wasn't giving her daughter a choice.

"Go ahead." Casey said softly.

"I just got a call from your principal about Derek's fight today, and a call from your counselor about Derek _and _you." Her eyes got wide at her mom and she instantly took a defensive stance on the bed.

"But he said that I would have to-"

"Have to talk to me _with_ Derek, right. Paul was just making sure that I would give you both a chance."

"Do you mean right-"

"Right now? Right now Derek is being reprimanded by George in the basement."

"What!? What if he says something _**stupid**_!" She screamed out, jumping out of the bed and running out of the room.

Nora ran after her but wasn't as nimble as she was. Casey hopped over the stairs, into the kitchen, and down the basement stairs. She heard George yelling at Derek as she flung the door open.

Derek was in George's face, looking quite uncaring and dangerous. Casey shook her head, not in fear, but frustration. They both turned to Casey as Nora ran up to her. She too stopped to look at the two men.

"Casey, go away, I'll deal with you later." Derek said deeply. Nora got a confused look on her face and Casey rolled her eyes.

"Yeah sure you will. Leave. I don't want _you_ here." She said harshly to Derek. George got a confused look on his face that equalled Nora's.

"Fine. But don't you forget." Glaring at Casey, he sat down. As he sat his face changed. Casey covered her eyes, feeling powerful and weak at the same time. _Don't you forget? Asshole. _

"What is _that _supposed to mean?" George yelled, full of angry confusion.

"I'll explain with Derek later. Carry on." Casey said confidently, turning to walk away. Nora stood in her way with as furious a face as George's. "Please mom. That's really all I needed to do. He was going to say something stupid." George shut the door and started yelling at Derek again.

"Upstairs Casey." Her mother's voice was forceful, and Casey had no intent to question her directions.

After reaching her bedroom again, she sat down hard and stared up at her mom. She felt guilty, but knew that what she had done was right. They had to say it all together, and as vindictive as the other Derek was she didn't want to chance it.

Nora ordered Lizzie, Edwin and Marti to all go into Edwin's attic bedroom and busy themselves, then shut Casey's bedroom door and looked down at her.

"What was that for?" She asked calmly.

"You'll understand after George is done yelling at Derek. But I have a feeling that there will be more anger in this house before the day is through…" Casey said, not looking away from her mom. Nora shook her head.

"We are really understanding people, but if there is one thing we don't understand is violence. Derek had no right to hit Noel." Casey shook her head yes, agreeing.

"I know he had no right. I don't want to talk about it. It needs to wait. I need to say it with Derek to you and George at the _same time_." Nora looked around in contemplation for a few moments, and then conceded to an idea within herself.

"Stay here. Okay?" She shook her head yes at Nora and watched her leave the room silently.

There wasn't much left to other than stay here and wait. Her eyes looked down again.

She hated how taunting her blood pulsing through a vein could be.

"Why'd you do it Derek? That's all I want to know." George pleaded, his red face disappearing. Derek put his head in his hands, no longer able to look in his dad's eyes and say 'I don't know.'.

Nora walked into the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind her.

"Why don't we listen to what Casey and Derek have to say together now." Derek head snapped upward and he looked at her.

"Why?" George questioned.

"Because obviously, they aren't going to say anything unless they say it together. At least that's what Casey keeps telling me." George took a deep breath and looked at Derek. Their eyes met and pleaded with one another.

"Okay. Does she come down or do we go up?" George asked. Derek stood suddenly and looked at Nora.

"Can I go talk to her first and then we could both come down here?" Nora looked at George, then turned back to Derek and nodded her head yes. Derek took no hesitation and ran out of the room and up the stairs.

Casey's fingers twiddled gently over her wrist as she was letting her mind run frighteningly wild.

"Casey!" She jumped up, gripping her chest.

"Why have people **stopped **knocking on my flipping door?!" Casey squealed out. Derek shut the door behind him, taking no care as to her statement.

"Casey, what are we going to be saying? I have to know how to react…I don't know what I'm doing anymore! I don't remember half of what he yelled at me." Casey hated seeing him broken down. It wasn't very 'Derek' of him, but she knew that this was really Derek and he was really broken down and afraid. It was all so hard to fathom in its' entirety.

"Derek, take a breather." She made breath-in/breath-out motions, and let him do so. After a few moments she smiled calmly to let him know that it would be okay. "I'm telling them about your blackouts that you came to me about. You'll describe the blackouts that you've been experiencing. Then I'm sure they will say something, if they don't I'll start talking about the strange way you were treating me. Then I'll tell them about what happened to me on Saturday. I'm sure they will say something to that. Denial, or arguments concerning you…etc…" Casey looked down in thought. _What else?_

"Then?" He asked impatiently.

"I don't know!" Derek smiled. _She looks so cute flustered. _"No! Don't you even come back to haunt me!" She held a finger in his face. He looked confused, then, realizing what she meant, shook his head.

"No, I'm just smiling because…well I'm not what you think I am. I'm Derek. Not blacked out." He looked amused at her fear. Casey glared at him and crossed her arms.

"If you think this is funny then you can do this _alone_." Derek didn't respond. He didn't stop smiling, but his eyes looked hurt. It wasn't obvious to her that she had hit a chord, but he didn't want her to know that she had any emotional power over him. _Why would I tell her exactly how to hurt my feelings?_

"Well, I think that's really all I need to know. Let's go." He turned to leave.

"But I thought they were coming up here?" Derek opened the door and left.

"Change of plans, lets go." He called back to her. She left her room and followed him into the basement.


	25. I Can't Look At You

**Author's Note **Short chapter, kind of. It's a thousand words, plus 79...but compared to the chappies I've been posting this is smaller. So yeah. Tension at the end. Let me know what you guys think. Next chapter will probably be posted tonight. If not tomorrow. But probably tonight. :D Enjoy?

**Disclaimer **And no one noticed I wrote nothing in the last disclaimer. HAH!

Casey caught up to Derek as he opened George and Nora's bedroom door. They were both seated on the bed, and looked intent upon their teens as they both entered the room. Casey shut the door behind her. Derek pulled up two of the three stools in another corner of the room for him and Casey to sit on in front of their parents.

After sitting and letting a calming silence settle in Casey began.

"Mom. George. Derek has been acting differently…we wanted to ask how many people noticed…but I've noticed the most because, like it or not, I have always had the most interaction with him save for Marti."

"I've noticed." George mentioned in a slightly aggravated tone. "His grades have been rising. I don't know about you but I think that's a good change." Casey pursed her lips and Nora nudged him. Derek looked away.

"It's not good when you can't remember even a fourth of your day." Derek said in a dull tone. George looked at his son.

"What do you mean?" He asked. Casey looked intently at Derek as though she had never heard about his blackouts. Derek looked at his dad.

"I mean, you remember when I was twelve or so and I would black-out because I was angry. Remember how you took me to a doctor about it?"

"Yeah. And then we found out that your humor and comedy helped your anger-black-outs go away."

"Well, something I didn't mention about my anger black-outs was that…I didn't get angry and _then _black-out. I blacked out and people _told _me about my anger." George sat quietly, letting Derek continue. "I thought they were gone for good, and I've been rather content with my life but a couple of months ago I had a black-out. I wasn't told of any anger when I 'came to' though." Derek looked at Casey. "Instead Marti called me Brooke. I asked her why and she said that and she told me about how Brooke was Daphne's new friend. I thought that she was just being Marti at the time…but I thought about it over and over again...and I wonder if she meant I _was _Brooke. She was calling _me _Brooke."

"That's-"

"Crazy…I know Dad." Derek said weakly. "And I started blacking out more often. But I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to go back to a counselor, to a 'specialist', to a doctor…You know how I feel about them. I don't like them, they make me uncomfortable." George nodded his head. Casey was holding her heart, feeling his pain, not understanding what all of it was supposed to mean but knowing it must somehow help. "Then, Dad, I started getting the ends of conversations. I was admitting things to people while I was blacked out. And I've done some," Derek looked at Casey, his eyes red, "done some bad things to people. Particularly Casey…And I hate myself all the more for it." Casey's eyes started to well with tears. The fingers gripping the fabric of her shirt tightened, and she could feel the muscles of her heart tensing.

"What happened?" Nora asked concerned. Casey looked at her mom.

"Mom, he didn't do it. He was blacked out. It wasn't him. Derek isn't evil like that; he wouldn't-" Casey was starting to cry.

"What did you _do_?" George asked Derek, curious, and scared of the answer.

"I don't remember a thing. I," Derek looked down, "I wouldn't have done that…I only have Casey's words. I only know what Casey told me I did." Casey looked at him and shook her head.

"I know it wasn't you. I know okay." She said, a hand on Derek's shoulder. He brushed it off.

"Don't touch me, you're going to make me…" He pressed his palms into his eyes. Nora and George looked at them with confused, concerned and frightened looks upon their faces.

"Casey. Tell us. Please." Nora pleaded. Casey took a deep breath.

"Derek raped me." She hated the way the words sounded and she was tired of saying it. To herself, to Derek, to others. She hated the reality.

George and Nora looked on at her in disbelief. The blood seemed to leave their faces, and Casey's heart would not stop sinking. Again and again it would retract only to fall into her gut again. Nora covered her mouth slowly, eyes widening at Derek whose eyes were still covered by shaky hands. George glared at his son, with such a contempt for him that Casey was afraid of what he might say.

"You…aren't lying are you?" Nora asked Casey.

"No, I'm not. And I know it wasn't Derek. It wasn't him at all. Derek has done some mean things to me, but they were never evil. Never…"

"Derek, I can't look at you." George said in a deep and furious voice. He closed his eyes as Derek opened his. This disregard for his son's torment sent Derek into a rather hurt state. He had hoped coming to Casey and working out a plan would lead him to a good end. Not abandonment. "I can't look at you. Leave. Go to your room. Leave the house. I don't care. I don't want to look at you." Nora looked at George, mouth wide open and horrified. She understood why he couldn't, but was still shocked.

Derek looked heartlessly at Casey, having an angry feeling towards her for deciding to tell them, and he left the room. As the door slammed George opened his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" Nora asked loudly, standing up.

"My son. That's what's wrong. He should've told me when they started happening again, That's what we agreed, when we agreed not to force him to go to the psychiatrist anymore after they stopped."

"So be a bad parent when he _needs _you." George stood, level with Nora.

"I am _not _a bad parent. And you aren't his." Nora glared at him, said nothing, turned on her heel and left the room also slamming the door. George looked down at Casey. "Do youhave something to say?" He said almost kindly. Her eyes met his and she couldn't understand why he was reacting this way.

"No." She said quietly, shaking her head mostly afraid. After a moment of silence she got up and left the room.


	26. Notebooks and Euphamisms

**Author's Note **As I said, next update is posted tonight! Let me know what you think! (Yeah, George was a total jerk last chapter. And Nora had _just _said how understanding both of them could be. Maybe there is an _underlying _reason why he was a jerk! HAH! I've made you ponder. :D) Casey does her own spywork. She puts off a few things. They'll be gotten to. Soon the story will take another dark turn. I'm going to write a couple of chapters after this so I can post a couple in a row so look out for that.

**Disclaimer **BOOOO.

Casey opened Derek's bedroom but she didn't see him there. She let out a sigh, and went to her room. After shutting her door she walked to her bed and sat down. _They know now. What comes next?_

"Casey, can we talk to you?" Flinging her arms in the air screaming she turned to see Derek sitting on the floor by her closet. His voice was very soft and feminine.

"We?" He nodded and looked at her.

"I'm Brooke. I'm the one that helps Derek with his problems, and I've been playing with Marti and Daphne." Casey got shivers.

"You don't see Daphne do you?" She sat at the edge of her bed, looking at Derek like he was a mad-man.

"No, but I can talk to her because she's in here." Derek pointed to his head. _I'm talking to, basically, a girl in Derek's body. _"Daphne's the brains and the creativity. She always talks to Marti at night, but she is so self conscious she dresses up like a girl. Casey giggled and Derek smiled at her in a girly way. "Derek's crazy about you, you know."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" Casey asked, crossing her legs and looking in another direction.

"Yes and no." She looked back at him. "I wanted you to know his name." Her eyebrows twitched, and she looked at Derek, or rather Brooke, with intensity.

"_His _name. Whose na-"

"You know who…" Derek looked deeply at her. "His name is Damien." Casey bitterly laughed at the name.

"How terribly fitting." They sat in silence. She looked at him, wondering how many Damien's were locked inside of him; how many Brooke's…

"I told him not to." He said, looking out the window.

"How? Do you talk to him inside of your head?" Casey asked, bewildered.

"Sometimes." Derek stood and sat on the bed next to Casey. There was a respectful distance between them. "Sometimes we all write in a notebook. Derek doesn't though. Just us. It can get foggy and noisy in this brain." He said jovially, looking out the window.

"Is that why Derek rarely uses his brain? Because he can't?" Casey said jokingly. Derek let out a boisterous laugh and nodded his head. Casey went into a fit of giggling and caught eyes with him. _I'm not laughing with Derek, I'm laughing with a girl. _She had to keep reminding herself. The relationship that she had with Derek was complex before, but even more so now.

"There's more than just Damien, Daphne and I. To warn you, most of them don't like you or your family. They haven't appeared often as their jobs are rarely needed." He explained.

"Jobs? What do you mean by that?" Derek smiled at Casey.

"See, this is why I like you. I can't speak for anyone elses reasons, but it is why _I _like you. You always ask the right questions and you are one sharp cookie."

"Cookies are sharp?" Derek smiled and nudged her.

"No." He said, shaking his head. "The jobs are what cause one of us to come out. Damien's job is acting on sexual desire. Daphne's job is to learn and teach. Marti is the only who has had contact with her because of her young age. My job is compassion and deep conversation. Fredrick, the one who got in the fight with Noel and George, he's Derek offense. And there are lots of others that haven't come out yet…I won't mention their jobs…but…" Derek twiddled his thumbs. Casey was trying desperately to soak in all the information. His brain had an order, it wasn't random. _So it kind of was my fault. Derek thought I was trying to…seduce him. _Casey shuddered. "But they exist. Do you want to read our conversations?"

"Yes. Do you have them or something?"

"Every single notebook." Derek said, looking at her.

"Sure. But maybe just recent ones." He nodded his head and left the room.

A few minutes later he re-entered her bedroom and shut the door behind him with two notebooks in his hand. Seating himself beside her again, he handed them both to her.

"The first page of the top notebook was about a month ago." Derek took the top notebook and flipped it open. He pointed to the first passage. The handwriting was curvy and curly. "This is me." He pointed to the next paragraph which was deep and angry looking. "This is Fredrick." The next handwriting was light and airy. "Daphne." He skipped over the next style of handwriting and turned over the page. There were tons of different handwriting styles, no similarities to behold. They all came from Derek and his hand. "This one," Derek pointed to a swift and bolt looking handwriting. "That's Damien." He closed the notebook and set it back in her lap. "All other handwritings are from people you don't know. They come out randomly and for small moments because of where his thoughts were lead. Usually when he was in the solitude of his room."

Derek stood and Casey grabbed onto his arm. He turned and looked down at her.

"Is Derek mad at me. He looked mad." He smiled.

"He thinks he is." Casey let go and looked down. Derek stood still for a moment, then left the room.

Casey spread herself across her bed. She was tired from the day. It was past dinner time and she knew that the kids were hungry. No dinner had been made because of the dilemma they were in. The poor kids didn't even know what was going on.

They couldn't know. They shouldn't know. _And what if they find out? Surely Lizzie and Edwin will try to decipher all the happenings. I know Lizzie will come to me with questions at some point. What if I went to them first? Would they feel more comfortable, knowing that they were being told exactly what they needed to know, under the confidence of someone?_

Casey brushed her hand atop the notebooks. Indeed, she was curious, but her mind kept telling her to look at it later. She took the notebooks and tucked them between her mattress and box-spring.

She rolled off of her bed and snuck out of the room. Quietly lurching to the attic stairs, she breathed in, walked to the door and opened it. There was a tiny window to the left and Edwin's bed laid right in front of it. Edwin, Lizzie and Marti were by the right wall as Casey entered the room, shutting the door, and turned to face the window.

Marti jumped up and ran to her.

"Casey!" She jumped up into Casey's arms and Casey held her there in a strange sort of comfort. Marti was the one who had the most interaction with the other Derek's and it was like she was holding a plethora of hidden knowledge in just holding her baby step-sister.

"Casey? Do you need something? Are you okay?" Lizzie asked. Realizing she had never been in Edwin's room she looked around, not answering her questions. Marti climbed down. His room was neat, the floor was wooden and waxed, a light hung swinging from the cieling. She looked down and saw that his bed sheets were blue. Casey didn't know why but it felt significant. Actually everything felt significant.

"Casey?" Edwin asked. She was snapped back to the reason for her coming into his room.

"Edwin, can I talk to you?" He looked at Lizzie with a hidden message. She smiled at him and took Marti out of the room and down the stairs. After they made their exit he motioned her to a chair to sit in. Casey sat and he sat across from her at the edge of his bed.

"What do you need?" Casey bit her lip. _What did she need?_

"A piece of paper and a pen." He cocked an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes. "For your word to keep what I say silent and to not sneak around." Edwin grabbed what she asked for and handed them to her. Casey placed the paper on her leg and wrote:

"_Edwin Venturi swears to tell no one of the conversation with Casey McDonald pertaining to Derek Venturi and the fight they had the other day, and Casey McDonald swears to tell no one of the reasons that Edwin Venturi and Derek Venturi fought yesterday. The details of why Casey McDonald will not say more about Derek Venturi's anger will be kept to a minimum and Edwin Venturi swears to not participate, condone, or antagonize any possible spying, rumors, or accidental telling of a secret."_

She made two lines; one for Casey to sign and another for him to sign. Casey signed hers and handed it to him. The spontaneity of the situation shocked her, like her body no longer had a clue what the mind was up to. He read it and looked at her.

"What about Derek?" She shook her head no, not saying a word, and looked at the paper. Reluctantly, he signed it and handed the paper back to her. She folded it and stuck it carefully in her pocket. "Okay. Now, what about Derek?"

"Derek's…sick. You got into a fight with him the other day. What was said?" Edwin crossed his arms.

"What do you know?" Casey sighed at him.

"Derek didn't know about the girl you were talking about. You got mad because he didn't know. That's all I know." Edwin uncrossed his arms and looked contemplatively at her. His spy-works were turning, she knew they were.

"And that's all Derek knows, isn't it." She didn't answer, and in this he got his answer. "I was asking for advice because he was in a similar situation with a girl and all of a sudden when I was telling him about something that happened he didn't know who or what the hell I was talking about. Frustrated, I was tearing up and he flipped out saying 'Tears are worse than hugs'. Needless to say I lost it." He looked down trying to suppress his fury towards Derek. "All I could think of was about how many times he said he would be there for me." He looked back at Casey. "You of all people should know that means he'll be there for you when it's a good time for _him_." Casey didn't respond to this statement.

"Who was the girl you were talking about?" Edwin didn't look like he had any intention of saying who the girl was. Casey pulled out the contract and re-read it, and then read aloud.

"'Casey McDonald swears to tell no one of the reasons that Edwin Venturi and Derek Venturi fought yesterday.'" She folded it back up and stuffed it in her pocket. "So there. Whoever the girl is…I can't say. I wouldn't anyway. Who would I tell?" Edwin breathed deeply and looked at Casey.

"But if I say who the girl is, you'll know what situation it could relate to, and who it would relate to." Casey furrowed her eyebrows, but smiled.

"Trust me, at this point, nothing could really surprise or shock me about Derek unless he murdered someone." Edwin crossed his arms and after a few seconds muttered a name. "Sorry, what was that?" His eyes pierced hers.

"Lizzie." Casey leaned back slightly, not daring to look away from Edwin. This simple name led her to believe that Edwin already knew about Derek's affection for Casey. _And since Derek didn't know about the girl, he obviously wasn't the one who told Edwin about how he felt about me. So one of his personalities did. Maybe Brooke since she is the compassionate conversationalist. After all, she did tell me that-_"Casey?" Her eyes focused again, retracting out of her drifting thoughts.

"Sorry." She said soft, feeling guilty she fell into her thoughts.

"Are you…mad?" Casey smiled, and took a deep breath. He was such a child, and she knew that any affection he had for Lizzie was a child's affection.

"No." Casey paused for a moment. "Do you know how she feels?"

"I didn't then, but I do now." Edwin remained silent.

"Well? How does she feel?" He smiled at her.

"That's for her to tell you, because that's not in _our _contract." Casey squinted at him, but knew that he was right. She just felt a little let down that he couldn't trust her not to say a word. In her mind, she thought Lizzie wouldn't, but Edwin's confidence told her that she did like Edwin. _I wonder what kind of relationship they would have? Certainly not one to be taken seriously. _Casey held out her hand and Edwin took it in a handshake.

"To-shay, Edwin. Thank you for talking with me. Would you like a copy of the agreement?" He shook his head no.

"All I need to know is to not tell anyone about a single word that was said." Casey gave a half smile.

"Thank you." She stood, ready to leave, and he stood as well.

"Could you just tell me though, before you leave, what's Derek sick with?" Edwin's eyes pleaded for the truth. Casey _could _tell him about the black-outs, but she decided to go with a truthful euphemism.

"Honestly, I don't know." He sat back down, slightly defeated, slightly reassured, both looking quite uncomfortable for him. Casey turned and left the room.


	27. I Won't Always Be There

**Author's Note **I'm about to post Ch. 28 and 29. We are now entering the part where it all starts spiraling down to the story's end. I'm anxious, I'm pretty sure you guys are anxious. I love nothing more than closure, no matter how dark that closure may be. It's an end, isnt' it?

**Disclaimer **HAHAHAHAH. Ha.

Casey was about to knock on Lizzie's door, then stopped short when she heard two girls giggling in the direction of Marti's room. She changed direction and knocked softly on Marti's door. The door swung open, revealing Marti and Lizzie.

"Yes?" Lizzie asked in an astute way.

"May I speak with you Liz?" Casey asked softly, eyeing Marti playing with a purple haired Barbie doll.

"Yeah." Lizzie turned back to Marti. "I'm going to go in my room and talk to Casey now okay?" She nodded her head at Lizzie and the two older girls went to Liz's room.

Once there Lizzie motioned for Casey to sit at her desk adjacent to her bed. Casey did so and Lizzie sat at the head of her bed facing Casey, looking rather eager to know what Casey wanted to speak about.

"Lizzie. Can you promise that you tell no one of our conversation?"

"Of course."

"And I mean _no one_. Not even Edwin." She nodded her head yes. Casey took a breath.

"Have you noticed anything a little strange about Derek recently?" Lizzie's eyebrows raised and she let out a short laugh.

"A little? I mean, other than sounding like a girl, telling Edwin that he-" Lizzie stopped short. Casey made a face to let her go on, "Telling Edwin that he wanted you and how he comes out of his room at night to play with Marti. Nothing strange at all." She looked away from Lizzie in contemplation.

_It's obvious Lizzie is hesitant to tell me about her and Edwin…Oh well. That's really not why I am in here talking to her._

"You know something don't you Casey? Did he do something to you? You told me not to be alone with him." Casey opened her mouth but no words came out. "He did something _bad _didn't he?" Lizzie was looking wide-eyed at Casey.

"N-no Lizzie! He didn't do anything bad. I was just…mad at…him." She stuttered half-heartedly out.

"Liar. You can never tell me the truth! You can't tell me lies either!" Her arms flung up in the air at Casey. "Can you tell me _something _so I know? So I can just…know?!" Casey closed her eyes.

"Lizzie. I think we both have things we are keeping from each other." Her eyes opened to look hard at Lizzie. "I'm keeping what I need quiet for a reason. If I had a _good _reason to tell you, I would. But I don't." Lizzie looked down at her hands. "Lizzie, Derek is…a good guy. Don't let what I feel and how me and him fight taint what you see and feel about Derek. I was mad, okay? He just really hurt my feelings that time. And I don't want to repeat what happened between me and him to you. You don't _need _to know. I don't need your defense, because I know that's what you would do." Lizzie gave a half-smile but didn't look back up. "Derek is sick. And I just wanted to warn you that the sickness is going to be very stressful. For everyone." She glanced at Casey then started to twiddle her fingers. "I just want you to know that he won't hurt you…and to not provoke him…or anything."

"You're the one who always provokes him…" She muttered. Casey leaned closer to whisper.

"But I won't always be there to protect you from him." Lizzie's eyes met Casey's and the sisterly connection between them tugged at both of their hearts. "I also don't want you to poke around trying to find out what will only hurt you." Lizzie took in a deep breath and sat silent for a few minutes.

"I won't. I promise."


	28. Five Year Old Nightmares

**Author's Note **I wrote this chapter to be kind of tragic. I'm sure _real _multiple personality disorder isn't discovered as quickly as this, but I am speeding the process up because otherwise there would be a lot of boring writing. It's fiction, so I think I'm aloud to bend the realms of reality at least a little bit. I hope the chapter doesn't crush any hearts...Review! Constructive criticism!

**Disclaimer **I would talk BS if I said I own LWD. Cause I don't. Jeez. Do you think Daphne Ballon gets on here and writes Fan-Fiction? NO. No she does not.

Casey laid in her bed trying to fall asleep. The wait for a conclusion was agony. At this point in time she wasn't even sure if she wanted to see how it ended. At this point in time she couldn't remember how it began.

_It was all my fault wasn't it? He thought I was trying to get in his pants. Ugh. I can't believe he said those dirty things to me. I'm so dirty. How could I let him do that to me? If only I didn't get knocked out, I could have stopped him. I could have gotten away. Gotten to Emily's house. At least talked to her parents. Maybe I wouldn't be so messed up now. So worried and scared and hurt. I feel like a torture victim but I was only…raped. That's TERRIBLE. _

Casey rolled over angrily.

_I am a rape victim and it's all my fault!_

Her eyes started to well with tears.

_And the real Derek doesn't even care. He just wants me to get over it. It JUST happened four days ago. FOUR days ago. _

A glint of the moonlight flickered and Casey peered up at it from her lying position on her bed.

_One day and my life is ruined. I can't remember any of my hopes or dreams. I can't remember why I wanted anything good out of this cruel world. How can I get anything good out of this sick and twisted dimension called earth? No one will want me now. Especially if I am pregnant. What will I tell my child if I give birth to it? 'Sorry, but your father is my step-brother and his body raped me, but you know it actually was some other rapist personality in the back of his head'. _

Casey let a tear fall onto her pillow.

_No. I couldn't live telling that to a kid. I couldn't. If I'm pregnant that kid is going up for adoption. How can I look at a kid knowing that it wasn't produced from love? It would be a production of hate. I can't raise a kid on hate. I can't raise a kid when I need to go to college!_

She turned her face and buried it in her pillow. Casey let out a muffled scream. After a few deep breaths she took her face out of the pillow and looked at the moon again.

_It's possible that I'm not though. Then I could just tell everyone that nothing happened. But I'm the worst liar ever. I can't lie. But then again if they don't ask, then I won't have to lie. But I'll know that I WOULD lie. It's not good enough. How will I let anyone get close to me knowing that my first time was just one big blur of hate. I won't like any sex. All of the sex I have will remind me of this. I wish I had never met Derek. I wish I would have never encouraged my mom to try dating again. That's my fault too. Everything is my fault._

_All of it. _

Derek got out of bed, hearing a scream coming from Casey's room. He snuck out of his door and opened hers. She laid there, facing her window. Derek looked down at her feminine curves and knew he would never touch them. Casey stirred, and Derek walked in and shut the door.

"Are you okay Casey?" He whispered. Casey turned to him, eyes red wet and dripping.

"Do I look okay to you?" She asked bitterly, then turned away. Awkwardly, he walked to the other side of her bed and kneeled. Her eyes were closed and Derek put their faces inches apart.

"Casey, I'm sorry about earlier." Casey's eyes opened and made a slightly mad, slightly confused face. Uncomfortable with how close they were she sat up. He stood and looked down at her.

"You don't expect me to forgive you do you?" She snapped. Derek's heart stung.

"Yeah, kind of." Casey leaned back, slightly amused because the pain of his expectancy was too much to bear.

"Well that's just too bad because I _don't_ forgive you. You've done so much and you expect me to just all of a sudden be okay?" Derek looked at her, not answering. He was frustrated, torn between wanting to push her further like he usually did but not wanting to because she was his pillar to lean on.

"I need you." He said as quietly as possible. Casey laughed.

"You need me?" Derek nodded his head yes. Casey stood up, looking angrily at him in the face. "Why don't you do something to _prove _you need me?" He thought for a moment. _What does she want me to do?_ Derek scanned her in the dark. Her curves looked more prominent in the moonlight and his manly desires tortured him within, turning him inside out. Shaky hands grabbed Casey and pulled her into kiss him. Furious, Casey pushed him away causing him to stumbled backward and fall to the ground. She wiped his saliva off of her mouth.

"What the _hell _is wrong with you?!" She yelled out. A pair footsteps from Edwin's room could be heard.

"How do you want to me to prove I need you?" He asked angrily. Casey didn't answer, and held out a hand. He grabbed it and she pulled him up. Lizzie opened the door and looked frightened. Edwin came behind her and eyed the scene. Casey looked dangerously at them, not feeling like herself. Feeling angry. Angry at herself and at everyone who knew her.

"I'm fine okay? If Mom and George come up, please cover." Casey directed Lizzie. They nodded and shut the door. Knowing them, Casey knew well enough not to say anything until she knew they were gone.

Minutes passed and she felt safer. Nora and George being in the basement helped a lot for the noise factor.

"Derek. Why did you kiss me?" Casey asked, putting emphasis on every word. He rolled his eyes at her and sat in her desk chair.

"Casey, what am I supposed to do? My dad hates me, you hate me, Edwin hates me…Do you know how long it's been since I talked to Sam? He said that it's my fault, but I'm so scared to ask what happened because I'll look stupid, and I don't think I should have to worry about making sure you feel needed because I'm the one going crazy!" Casey looked around in frustration.

"Will you stop caring how you _look_? And what about me? I still might be _pregnant _remember? Or do you not care about your baby if there is one?" Derek bit his lip. He had heard her say that she might be pregnant before, but it hadn't actually occurred to him that it would be his _and _her baby. "Got nothing to say? Good, because that is a first." Casey crossed her arms, dignified with his speechlessness. After a few moments of silence Casey sat down.

No other moment, and no other person could have made her feel as terrible as she felt now.

_And I never thought I'd know what it felt like…wanting to just…die._

"Casey. If you are pregnant…what are you going to do?" Casey put her head in her hands.

"Give it up. All of it." Derek furrowed his eyebrows, not quite sure what she meant. "My life is over because of you." She muttered in a helpless tone.

"Quit being a drama queen." Casey glared at him, and instinctively stood. She walked slowly to him, biting back all her choice words, all her tears. Her hand reached up and slapped him hard across the face.

"Quit. Being. Insensitive. You don't know what it's like to be raped." Derek twitched and started to cry.

"Stop it!" He screamed. "Stop it! I didn't do it! I swear!" His scream was that of a five year old. High-pitched and piercing.

"Derek, be quiet!" She whispered hoarsely, afraid of his strange voice.

"I didn't!" He began to sob, and rock back and forth.

"Didn't what?" Derek's body began to jerk as though he were being beaten with an invisible object.

"STOP IT!" His tears were fervent, and Casey was starting to panic. "STOP IT! I WANT DADDY! MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU!! WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME-E-E-E!!" Derek was squealing. Casey ran out of the room and down to the basement.

Not caring for the privacy of her mom and step-dad in this moment of terror she flung the door open.

"George!" She whimpered out, breathless and scared. "George!!" He slowly stirred. In the background she could hear the kid Derek screaming from his teen body.

"Casey? What do you need?" He muttered beneath the covers.

"Get up! It's Derek! I don't- I just-!" Casey's heart was racing a mile a minute. Both Nora and George got out of bed and Casey ran up the stairs not waiting for them.

As Casey returned to his child screams Marti was opening her bedroom door, wondering what the voice was.

"Go to Edwin's room." She tried to whisper endearingly, trying to reassure her, but she just glanced in the direction of Casey's room, ran up Edwin's attic stairs, and slammed the door behind her.

George and Nora got to Casey and George ran past her into Casey's room.

"DADDY!" He cried out. It was terrifying to watch, and the cries he emitted rattled her bones. His scream, she knew, would always stay with her. A life of nightmares. _That's all that lies ahead for me and him. _

George wrapped Derek in his arms.

"D-daddy's here, D-Derek." He didn't know how to handle the insanity of his son.

"He's going to- to…" Derek began to mutter. His eyes were fluttering closed.

"Who? He who? What's he going to do?" Derek started to convulse as he did earlier, and shook himself out of George's grip.

"MAKE HIM STOP!" Derek's nails were digging deep into his chest. Casey began to sob violently without a tear, her hands shaking uncontrollably. Nora reached and hid her daughter's face from the scene.

"Make who!" George cried out desperately.

"I CAN'T TELL! HE'LL KILL ME-E-E! I WANT DADDY!!" George started to well with tears. The change in Derek's voice made George feel like a helpless parent, the worst way to feel.

"I'm here Derek! You don't have to tell me! Just stop! I'm here." Derek stopped shaking and crying. His body was exercised, and calm from the sound of his father's voice. George pulled his son back into his arms and rocked him back and forth. Casey kept her face hidden, she was still sobbing. Nora was horrified and could do nothing but pet Casey's hair to comfort both of them.

The tension did not release for hours. George lifted the sleeping Derek and laid him in Casey's bed as he was too heavy to carry to his own room. Casey struggled to fall asleep on the living room couch as George and Nora paced in the kitchen. She could hear their strained mutterings, but not exactly what they were saying. Part of her didn't want to hear, for all she could hear was a tortured five year old.

_Something happened to him and it's my fault it's coming out. What did I say to make him start screaming? They all have jobs? What was that personality's job? To cry for Mom and Dad? What did I say?_

Casey tried to remember before the screaming.

_I got mad and slapped him. I told him…I told him…_

Her eyes tightened the close as though it would help her remember.

_Oh yeah! He called me a drama queen and I slapped him and said he didn't know what it was like…to be raped._

Casey's eyes opened and stared at the blank screen of the television.

_Does that mean Derek was raped as a kid? And I made another personality come out to cry for Mom and Dad because he was reliving it? _

She flipped herself over to face the cushions.

_I don't even want to go to school tomorrow. If I do I don't want to come back here. He doesn't need me…Are you happy Derek? You proved how much you __don't__ need me. I've brought out the worst inside of you. Terrible memories that you should just keep locked inside._

Her last thoughts were bloody and self-hating. They had become as dark and grim as the occuring events. All of it seemed to stack invisibly on top of her and she finally succumbed to slumber.


	29. Presents and Secret Goodbyes

**Author's Note **Nine in numerology is associated with pushiness and confidence, but despite of the confident nature, those with number nine's in their life have very vulnerable souls.

Oh Drama Queen. What drastic thing have you decided to dress in today?

**Disclaimer **...

She woke with the first light of dawn. Casey eyed into light past the window of the living room. She didn't even waste a moment trying to smile for she had nothing to smile about. In the kitchen Casey could hear someone cooking eggs. Reluctantly she lifted her body and went to the kitchen.

"Hi Casey." Her Mother said softly, not turning from the sizzling eggs.

"Hi." Casey said quietly. She went to get a glass and got some water from the faucet. The liquid slipped down her throat chillingly, waking her senses and making her feel her heartache. She weakly set the glass down. "Mom?" Nora turned and poured the finished eggs into a bowl.

"Yes?" She answered, not looking up but not sounding bitter, just shaken from last nights events.

"Is Derek going to school?" Casey asked, staring at her glass of water.

"No. I think George is going to take him to his old doctor when Derek's blackouts were acting up." She nodded her head at Nora, but Casey knew that her Mom wasn't looking anyway.

"Am I going to school?" Nora stopped moving and looked at Casey. Casey could feel her mothers' heart throbbing. She set the bowl of eggs down and pulled Casey into a tight hug. Her face remained emotionless, not caring about the warmth her Mom still had left. Casey was drained off all her happiness and warmth and it was replaced with confusion and disgust.

"You've been through a lot, and I won't let you go to school if you won't be able to function properly. I'll have Emily get your schoolwork for you." Casey pulled away from her Mom.

"I might not do it, so it might be pointless to get it from her." Nora gave a weak smile.

"Of course you'll do it. You always do." Casey closed her eyes and gave a heartless smile. She opened them and left the kitchen. "You don't want anything to eat?" Nora called out.

"No."

George waited till Derek was up and then took him to the car, not answering any of Derek's questions. He didn't know what happened last night, but he kept rubbing his chest. It was obvious he was in pain, but Casey could feel no sympathy. The heaviness in her heart became like a home of despair and those who are in emotional turmoil can't really care about another's misfortune.

She laid in her bed all day, looking at her room.

_Who will I give my computer to if I die? Probably Lizzie. She always wanted one but I got it because I'm the oldest…well I was until Derek came in the picture. My desk would go to Marti because she doesn't have one. At some point she will need it. My mirror? Lizzie. My doll collection? Marti. She can tear them apart, it's not even important. And I was so worried that she would try to steal them and take them out of their boxes. My notebooks…notebooks!_

Casey reached around the side of her bed and pulled out the two notebooks that Derek had given her to read. She flipped the top notebook open.

"_I will get out and kill you Derek!"_

"_I will do it first!"_

"_Can you guys stop being that way? Think about others…not yourself."_

"_I want Casey. She's so perfectly shaped. I wonder what it would feel like to just, shove it all in there."_

Casey's stomach turned.

"_Don't you guys go near Marti."_

"_Marti is a kid Daphne. We aren't going to mess with children. They have no breasts." _

"_I can't believe he did that to me…"_

Casey began to random scan the pages. It was filled with tales of torture and promised torture. Most of his personalities were either in pain or seemed to want to cause pain.

"_I'll kill Derek. Come out and make him slit his own wrists. Come out and let him enjoy the pain. It's his fault I'm here. Because he couldn't handle it."_

_"Why kill Derek when we could kill them? They are always in our way. Always making things difficult for us. Especially __her__. She needs to die. And if she doesn't off herself soon I'm going to strangle her. Won't it look nice seeing her face turn blue?"_

Casey slammed the first notebook closed, her breath caught in the back of her throat. After finally releasing her breath she opened the second notebook.

"_It felt wonderful. She looked so lifeless knocked out. I'll be sure to help myself to her again. Should the time ever come."_

"_NO! Why can't you make him stop! I want Daddy to make him stop hurting me."_

"_No one loves me."_

"_Marti is so adorable. She learned how to speak a few phrases in Spanish."_

"_I'm gonna kill him."_

"_Turning blue, Casey it's you. Always you, I'll torture you."_

She shakily flipped to the center of the notebook.

"_Why don't you guys work to become each other? We need to reunite and be just Derek!"_

"_NO! NO WE DON'T! Quit saying that! I __like__ having a mind of my own. I don't need Derek controlling me. He likes power, he won't use what I can do to it's full potential."_

"_Yeah! I agree with Fredrick. Derek didn't even want to have sex, and if I wasn't here to get it for him, he would still be a lowly virgin. No experience at all. And he wouldn't have had the pleasure fucking Casey. I gave that to him. It's his to keep. He wanted to be a player, but then not play the part? NO!"_

"_Stop fighting, you're just like __him!__" _

Casey couldn't understand, and didn't want to understand the parts that she could. Someone wanted to kill her. Damien wanted to rape her again.

_I won't let it happen. I have something to control. My life. I control if I live or die and I won't let some nutcase tell me he's going to kill me._

Casey closed the notebook and pulled a piece of paper and pencil to her desk.

"_Dear family, _

_My possessions go to whoever wants them. I'd prefer it if the Barbie dolls went to Marti and the books to Lizzie. Everything else is up for who wants it. Derek can have my underwear, as he had always wanted to get in them. You finally did. Congratulations." _

Casey abandoned the piece of paper and logged into her online journal. A total of nine entries. She clicked on her home page and deleted her password. Anyone who wished to read her journal now could. Quickly turning off her computer she returned to the letter.

"_I'm not bitter anymore. I feel happier. I have my solution! I figured I'd do it before Sunday when I'm supposed to take the pregnancy test though. If I know then it might stop me, but I've made the decision. All I ask is that you don't hate me. I love you guys. All of you. You were always there for me and now Derek needs you. Make sure you are there for him. Make sure. He doesn't need me torturing him and his personalities and I can't deal with what they want to do with me. _

_I don't want to live in fear anymore."_

Casey set the pencil down. She wasn't happy with the letter. She didn't want to end it today though. First she wanted to hand out a couple of her smaller possessions to people, and say her secret goodbyes to them face to face.

Fumbling through her drawers she found a keychain that had a picture of her and Lizzie in it smiling radiantly for the camera-man. _For Lizzie._ In her closet she found a box of binders and post-its. _To Edwin. _After an hour for looking for something for her Mom she found a necklace that was given to her as a kid. It was a golden angel with her birthstone in the center. _For Mom. _The first Barbie doll that she had received, she had decided, was the one that she was going to personally hand over to Marti. _George can…have…I don't have anything that I think George would want or use. I'd give him a watch but all mine are girly. _

Casey sighed. It felt nice having a plan that wasn't going to confuse her.

_To Derek I leave my blood. Most of him will enjoy it, or so I've read. He personally won't…but once he's 'united' with himself I guess most of him will enjoy it. _She sat on the bed. Her heart went missing, and her wrists pulsed hard. Maybe her heart didn't go missing. Maybe it just tore in half and went to both of her wrists.

Derek didn't get home till late. The details of what happened at the doctor's office were kept to a minimum, and Casey didn't care to hear anyway. She didn't go down for dinner. Though Nora did come upstairs to tell her that Edwin, Lizzie and Marti were going to be spending time at their uncles' house. Well, Lizzie's step-uncle. He lived the closest and they could still go to school without much changing.

Casey was glad that they wouldn't be in the house when she did it. That is the last thing a child should walk in to see.

After dinner, and after she knew that everyone was in their own rooms, she went to give out her presents and secret goodbyes.

She opened Lizzie's door and saw her reading a book. Casey smiled and closed the door behind her.

"Hey Liz." Lizzie looked up at Casey, said nothing and looked back at the book. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to go to some Uncles' house that I don't even know for a week. Maybe a couple of weeks. Mom wasn't _sure _how long." Lizzie said dramatically. It never occurred to Casey that Lizzie was childish. She knew that Lizzie was a child, she even knew that she acted naïve when it came to relationships, but never had she noticed anything so childish in Lizzie as she found this statement to be.

"Lizzie. It will be worse if you stayed here while Derek is trying to get better." Casey said sweetly as she sat down.

"You aren't leaving, why is that? How come you can handle it, and I can't?" She bit her lip and looked softly at Lizzie.

"Don't be so sure about that." Lizzie set her book down. Casey pulled the keychain out of her pocket. "Here, this is for you." She handed it to Lizzie, and Lizzie took it softly in her hands. "For the whole time you and I aren't together…if you need me…look at that. Talk to it if you need to. I'll always feel you." Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows. "We're sisters. We're permanently connected." Casey felt her eyes getting hot and pulled Lizzie into a hug so she couldn't see the tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong Casey?" She asked her in the crook of her neck.

"Nothing Lizzie. I'm just confused." They held the hug for a few moments. Casey suppressed her tears. "I love you Lizzie. Never forget it." Lizzie nodded and they separated from their hug. Casey gave her a smile and left the room.

She went to her room and grabbed the Barbie doll, then went to Marti's room. There was a light underneath Marti's tent. Casey crawled under the tent and sat next to Marti.

"Hi Casey!" Marti exclaimed sweetly.

"Hey Marti." Casey took Marti into a hug. "Have fun at your Uncle's house okay?" They let go of their hug.

"Okay. I usually do, even though he's boring. They have a really nice dog." Casey smiled and handed the boxed Barbie doll to Marti.

Marti's face lit up with delight and grasped the box tightly between her arms.

"Thank you Casey! This is the best present EVER!" Immediately she pulled the Barbie out of the box and tried to undo the twist-ties. Casey helped her get the Barbie off of the cardboard and handed the brown hair, blue eyed doll over to Marti. "Casey, she is so pretty! She looks just like you!" She smiled heartwarmingly at Marti.

"That is me. And as long as you always have that doll, you'll always have me." Casey felt a deep need to be symbolic, and leaving pieces of her to have them remember her by seemed the perfect way to do it.

"Thank you!!" Marti exclaimed again, playing with the doll. Casey looked sadly at the display, got up and left the room.

After grabbing the binders and post-its, Casey headed up the attic stairs.

Edwin was seated on his bed, working on his homework.

"Can I help you with something Casey?" Edwin inquired, sitting up. Casey shut the door behind her and walked forward.

"These are for you." She held out the binder and post-its. He looked confused, but thankful at the same time. Edwin took them from her and set them on the side of the bed. "I thought you would like them. I know you can use them for that spy and statistic stuff you do." She eyed the super-sleuth suitcase he had in the corner of his room that had kind of caught Derek and her sneaking out a year ago.

"I like them. Thanks. I was actually about to ask Dad for another binder because my old one tore cause it's so full of random information." He pointed to a black binder on his desk. The papers were sticking out at random spots and the seam was ripped.

"You're welcome. The blue binder has my name in it, so if you want to mark that off it's fine." She said distractedly. He eyed her suspiciously but asked no questions. "You're going to your uncle's so I thought I would say, you know, goodbye." His eyebrows arched downward and kept analyzing her.

"We're not leaving till tomorrow morning."

"Well, I figured that but, I'm staying in bed. I won't see you off." Edwin crossed his arms.

"Well, bye Casey. Thank you for the supplies." She smiled and awkwardly reached down. They shared a rather awkward hug. After they pulled away, Casey straightened her shirt.

"Promise me that you'll make sure my sister stays okay. No matter what happens and no matter what happens between you two." Edwin nodded his head sincerely. Casey turned and left the room.

When she shut the door she took a deep breath. It was all the goodbye she could handle for now. As she returned to her room she glanced at Derek's bedroom door. A shiver barely twisted her, and she collapsed onto her bed and quickly fell asleep.


	30. Such a Sweet Moment of Disgust

**Author's Note **My plan is officially unfolding now. I think I said this before, but before I started the fic I already knew how I wanted it to end. Well, here is where my plan reaches the point that I knew since chapter one. I think I can feel the anxiousness and anxiety of the readers. It's depressing. Yeah. It really is. But if no one loved tragedies would Shakespeare be famous and litered across the pages of millions of textbooks around the planet?

**Disclaimer **...

When Casey woke the next morning the kids' had already gone, and Nora, George and Derek were probably back at the doctors office. George and Nora had both taken off of work to help Derek as quickly as possible.

She cranked her pop music and danced throughout the empty house. Everything twirled and twisted devilishly against her retina, and she couldn't care to accept any image of the blurred household. All the greens, reds and blues seemed to eat her away. All screaming for what she already desired. For everything to just come to a screeching halt just as her heart had.

The cheerleading moves she had learned were long forgotten and her ballet was free styled. It seemed to echo all of the pain she was going through, and all the pain she was about to endure. She could feel sweet release on the tip of her tongue as her feet danced her around the sofa and coffee table. Nothing stood in her path, no one was there to tell her to stop. All they could see was Derek, and all Casey could see was Derek.

Her dizziness subsided as her eyes became adjusted to the blur. She back bent her way to the kitchen and floated on the tile floor. The hum of the fridge could faintly be heard against the music, though her ears had become numb to every noise other than her thoughts.

_I'll do it tomorrow. After I say my goodbye to Mom and George. I should probably say goodbye to Derek. I have only one thing to give him that he'll want. Should I give it to him? Kiss him gently and say I love you. Lie to him so he will live with my lie when I'm dead and gone. Maybe I should. Maybe it will help._

Her hips swayed around the island in the kitchen and back into the dining room.

_If I'm a terrible liar, how will I accomplish it? Maybe I do love him, because I feel like I could pull it off. Then again, you can't love another when you can't even love yourself. Maybe I loved myself so much he had to love me too. If you can't love someone else if you can't love yourself, can you love someone else if you love yourself too much? Have I breached all the extremities? _

She smirked as she did a random pleat.

_Not that it matters now. To me, nothing matters but a sweet goodbye so that I can have a pleasant dream forever. Living and breathing nightmares is just not the life for me, and I may be a drama queen but what's the harm in dramatization? I love dramas. Shakespeare is my hero, and I couldn't count the amount of death in his tragedies on two sets of hands. _

Her feet were beginning to ache.

_I would never in a million years guess that at some point I would dream of my funeral. I hope that there are white roses at my funeral. I always felt that they were peaceful and how wonderful would that be? At that point I will no longer think or feel. How peaceful. White roses would only be appropriate. _

Casey sighed and stopped dancing. She let herself fall backwards onto the couch. The upside down angle made the blood rush to her head, making her head feel like it was swelled.

"I feel like I have all the time in the world, and I still haven't enough time to tell Emily goodbye as well." Casey reached up and started to rub her right foot. When she finished she sat upright, then went back to her room. She turned off her stereo and looked about the room.

_What should I give to Emily? She was there for me since I came here. What have I had that would symbolize how long we've been friends? _

Her head felt hollow of all thought. Something for Emily felt like it should be more simple than this.

_She is my age…my size…she can have my clothes. She'll love that. How often is it that she compliments my wardrobe?_

Casey started to gently take her hanging clothes off of their hangers and folded them. She placed them amongst all her already folded clothes in the dresser and grabbed a pen and paper.

"_Dear Emily, _

_I'm sorry I couldn't speak to you before. I forgive you…if you forgive me. It was rude of me to tell you he was just rebound __knowing__ that it would hurt you despite the fact it was the truth. I can't say I've been acting myself lately. It's probably better that you take what happens and leave it at that. Don't ask why. That very question has gotten many men and women killed by many means. I don't want you to torture yourself because of me. I love you Emily, and I want you to have my clothes for as long as they fit. Remember how close we were to finding love. You'll find it. You're amazing. _

_Love, _

_Casey"_

She folded it letter-sized and grabbed an envelope. After sticking the letter in, she licked it and wrote atop the envelope, 'To Emily'.

Lunch came around and Casey still didn't hunger for anything in this world. She kept dreaming of what lay ahead for her in the after life. If it was nothing, that would be just fine. Nothing was better than pain. Besides, if there was nothing she wouldn't really be aware of it would she? If God was there, and loved her, he would let her come in through his heavenly gates. _He has to. How can he deny me pleasure when he's made Derek sick with desire?_

The front door opened and Casey heard George's voice. She got up, stuck the angel necklace in her pocket, and went down the stairs.

"Hey Casey." Nora said, smiling, happy to see her face. Derek sat down in his chair, not looking at anyone or anything. His face was glazed over, his eyes seemed empty. George was fixing the coats.

"Hi Mom." Casey said, trying to smile. "Do you mind if I talk to you in the kitchen?" Nora nodded and the two women went past the dining room to the kitchen.

"What do you need Casey? Were you alright by yourself today? Are you lonely? Do you need to see Paul? Because I'm pretty sure he'd understand if you only went to school to see him. If you need to talk to him I can take you now, cause school's not over y-"

"Mom!" Casey said sharply to stop her Mom's rapid questioning. "It's okay. I don't need to talk to Paul. But next time you happen to be at school tell him I said thank you." Nora furrowed her eyebrows. "I mean, if you are up there before I go back to school…" Her mom looked satisfied with the comment. "I just wanted to tell you about something I lost but found recently."

"What dear?" Casey pulled out the necklace and displayed it to her mom. _If anyone would speculate my intentions…it would be my mom. _

"A necklace from Dad that I got when I was real little. I was, let me think…I think eight." Nora gently took the necklace in her hands.

"That's nearly ten years ago!" She exclaimed, examining the qualities of the necklace.

"Yeah. I thought it was a sign." The words Casey was saying seem to come out of nowhere. None of it was planned, and she didn't know what she meant by it. She didn't just find it. She didn't think it was a sign.

"You think? Like, the angels may have left for a while but they are still going to come back to protect you when you _really _need it?" Nora looked at Casey, hopeful.

"Yeah. Something like that. You know, if you want to wear it for good luck that'd be nice. I won't wear it though, so maybe you should." Casey said awkwardly.

"Why won't you?" Casey thought quickly.

"Oh, um, it doesn't really match what I wear. I like silver…not…gold." Nora eyed Casey for a moment then seemed to accept it. She took a mental breath, feeling as though she was about to break her lie. The last thing she needed was her plans to be found out before she even carried the act out.

"Well, thank you Casey. That's awfully thoughtful of you." She unclasped it and handed the necklace to Casey. "Will you hook it up for me?" Casey wrapped the chain around her mom's neck and hooked both ends together. She turned around and showed Casey.

"You wear it beautifully." Casey said happily. Nora reached out and gave Casey a deep, close and painful hug.

They parted, and Casey sent one last longing look as they both went opposite directions. Casey, upstairs, and Nora downstairs to her bedroom.

Laying silent for hours in the night, she finally heard Derek's door open and close. She had thought to give George a goodbye, but she knew that hugging him would bring no comfort to either of them. Of all the Venturi's, he was the one that she was the least closest to knowing. All the time she lived here, and she thought it was Derek that she was the furthest from knowing. The truth was ironic.

Quietly, she crept out of her room and into Derek's room. He was curled up beneath his covers. Without noise she shut the door behind her and walked to his bed.

"Derek." She said in one dead tone. It left a puncture hole in the sound waves of his bedroom. Derek turned to her and lifted the covers off of him to sit up, leaning against his backboard.

"Why are you in my room Casey?" Casey didn't change her expression, nor did she answer his question. She set down on the bed and faced him. "Yes?" He asked, sounding a little anxious and a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry. For what I've done. Bringing out all these horrible things inside of you." He started shaking his head no. "Don't. It's my fault. I accept that."

"But it's _not _your fault. I'd be like this with or without you." Casey choked out a small laugh.

"I wish I could say the same. Then I couldn't blame you or myself." Derek looked deeply at her. His eyes would have made her cry, but her tears were dry and her heart wasn't beating as full of emotion as it had before.

"Casey." It was all he could say. All he could dare to say.

"Derek. You say you loved me."

"Loved? No. It's not paste-tense. I still do." Casey frowned. _How sweet. Like a sweet romantic dream that I'll never get to live. I'd like to die with the memory that he confessed the root of all his fixations with me. _

"You would have never let someone hurt me like Damien did, would you?" Derek quickly sat completely up.

"Damien?"

"Damien…one of the 'other' versions of you." He looked around.

"They have names?" Casey nodded.

"Brooke told me some of their names." A realization dawned on Derek.

"Brooke! That's why Marti called me Brooke!" She nodded, smiling. "You talked to her? Well, me…the…I have a girl me?" Casey let out a hearty laugh and nodded. He smiled and nudged her. "Guess you have some ammo to use against me now." Her face got serious and his mimicked hers.

"No. I wouldn't do that. There's enough pain in your life and mine…teasing should be dashed aside…forever." He nodded in a secret agreement. "I came in here to make sure you were okay." Casey wasn't sure if she could pull of kissing him as a goodbye. _He's not Damien. You know this. But he is your step-brother…But since it's still the same body it still feels the same…well not dangerously the same…but still. I've had sex with that body… _

"Why? Worried about me?" He smirked. She cast a glare and stood, crossing her arms.

"No. Why would I be worried about you?" _Quit arguing! This is supposed to be a sweet secret goodbye! Not normal fighting. You can't go back to the way things were can you! No bickering!_

"Because you are a worry wart." Casey's mouth dropped and he smirked again. _He's antagonizing you!_

"I am _not_. How dare you say-"

"Say what?" Derek grinned. "The truth?" He stood directly in front of her. The were just close enough for him to have to tilt his neck down to see her face.

"Yeah. Actually. How dare you say the truth. All I've ever known you to do is tell lies." Casey said indignantly, instinctively wanting to engage in verbal combat with him.

"Psh. Like you could tell a lie. At least I can still do both. You can only tell the truth." Casey looked hard at him, and his arrogant smile. His excuse to argue was to get closer.

"Wanna bet that I can't tell a lie?" Casey stepped forward.

"Yeah. Go for it. If you can tell a convincing lie, I'll give you anything you want." She smirked.

"You seem pretty confident that I won't."

"That's cause I am." She rolled her eyes. "Now tell a convincing lie." Casey bit her lip.

"When I walked in your room, I had _no _intention of kissing you." His eyes shook, knowing what she meant, and before he knew what she had done her left arm hooked around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Their kiss twisted around, and she hated it. Their tongues felt slippery and sweet, softly touching each other but with such energy that it was intoxicating, but she wanted nothing more than to gag. Derek wrapped his arms around the middle of her back and pressed her hard against her body.

Finally she pulled from the kiss, that seemed to last forever, and wiped the saliva off the corner of her mouth. Derek smiled breathlessly into her eyes.

"Casey. I love you, and I'm sorry." He said softly.

"I know." After letting him look happily in her eyes, she gave him a hug and left the room.

Derek stared at the closed door, not sure what intentions she had by doing that. The spontaneity of it all had gotten him excited, and he decided that he should take a shower than let anything dark come out of him and hurt her again.

_Maybe my hopes aren't completely lost after all…_


	31. You Would Know Why

**Author's Note **I know it's Canada. But I don't know Canada's equivalent to our 911. Never have I been so ashamed to not know the worlds history and commonplace knowledge. If anyone knows what I can change it to, let me know and I will change it!

**Disclaimer **I own nothing, otherwise Life with Derek would be a really depressing series and not even aired on Disney. So there.

Casey woke and heard George and Nora downstairs. She got up to go see if they were leaving or not.

"Hey Casey!" George said happily. "Glad to see you aren't sleeping in. Are you feeling better?" Casey gave a smile to make him happy.

"A bit."

"We're just going to take Derek to a specialist that Dr. Cartwright suggested." Nora said kindly. "Do you want to come with us?" Casey shook her head no. Derek came down the stairs and Casey turned. He looked absolutely overjoyed. His eyes met hers and she let herself blush. It wasn't really her plan to see him after she had kissed him willingly.

"Ready Derek?" George asked, glad to see his son in a jubilant mood.

"Yeah. Let's get rollin'." Nora grabbed her purse and the three waved goodbye. When Casey heard their car leave the driveway she made her way upstairs.

On her dresser, next to the letter to Emily, was the letter she was leaving next to her. Casey's heart rate quickened with anticipation. She re-read and was still unhappy with it. After crumbling and tossing it in her trash bin, she grabbed a new sheet of paper and a pen to write it over.

"_Dear family, _

_My possessions go to those who desire them. I'd prefer it if the Barbie dolls went to Marti, the books to Lizzie, and my clothes to my best friend Emily. The person I want to coordinate who my things go to is Mom. Derek will know what I have given him…I want him to keep that moment with him forever. _

_I am happy now, and I want you to be happy for me. Do not hate me for wanting this and going through with it. I know that it will be painful for everyone who cared about me. I want an open funeral. And because I love speeches, I want a good eulogy. Though I feel selfish writing it, it is my last will a testament. I want Lizzie to speak it. She will know what to speak to in order for me to hear her. Because I will hear it._

_No matter what._

_-Casey"_

She let out a deep breath and set the pen down. Grabbing the piece of paper she headed to the garage to look for a box cutter, because it was a practical thing to cut with and the edge left a clean cut. The cluttered mess of the garage was sad, as no one went in there much anymore. Even the sledgehammer was still in the same spot.

Not wishing to relive her moments of terror she searched the toolbox for the box cutters. She found them in the very bottom, and the box they were in was rather dusty. _Even more irony. Box cutters…in a box. _Casey laughed to herself.

She grabbed one and closed the toolbox back up. The box cutter was diligently cleaned, and then set on the bathtub upstairs. Casey put the letter on the floor. As she waited for the warm water to fill the tub, she looked at her naked self.

"To go out the way I came. Naked. A perfect ending." Casey spoke to an invisible person, hopefully someone who cared deeply about all her woes and all her passionate reasons for ending her life. Maybe someone would look back at the tiny blemish she left on the planet and say, 'I feel too.'

When the tub had filled, she turned off the water and slowly settled herself into the water. She took a moment to think, letting her life rewind all the moments she loved, and for a moment living didn't seem so bad.

Her heart started to beat fast, but her decision was made. The negative outweighed the positive. How much lower could she go down? She didn't dare imagine. Her hands touched her pelvis. Casey would die without knowing of the child she may or may not carry. It would be her only regret.

Casey's eyes started to well with tears, and the heat wasn't as bearable because of the steam rising off of the warm water. His eyes always followed her. No matter what she did, the dead look of angry lust in Damien's eyes would eat at her till she was torn from the inside out.

A hand that seemed separate from her body grabbed the cutting tool, and her eyes did dare look too long at it. Swiftly she swiped down her left wrist. It had to be the left wrist; To bleed at the thought of marriage, to know that it wouldn't be right to those who looked upon her choice of death, to know that she left the world bleeding through her left wrist.

She leaned back. The red spread in the water, looking pink and feminine. Casey let any thought come to her mind, and the only thought she could hold on to was hoping that her mom didn't see her first.

Her head felt heavy, like she was falling asleep, and her eye-sight became blurred. It was twisting her vision; distorting. The right hand let go of the cutter, and the 'tink' when it hit the tub sounded dull-toned as her ears began to feel numb. The feeling in her hands left. Her heart began to slow, and her breathing became shallow.

It was the quickest sleep she had in what seemed like forever.

"I'm worried about my sister Edwin." Lizzie said, pushing him away. He had kept trying to cheer her up since they had left the house but to no avail. As he reached for a kiss, she had pushed him away yet again.

"I'm worried too, but more about Derek. He's the one going wacko." Edwin said, a little defeated but still sympathetic.

"Derek did something to Casey, and I want to know what it is." Lizzie said defiantly, but in a hushed tone so not to wake Marti. Their Uncle had stuck all three of them in the guest bedroom, which got more on Lizzie's nerves than anyone.

"Lizzie, Lizzie…I thought you already knew about a lovely thing called patience. I mean, how patient did you have to be for me? How long did it take me to realize you wanted me to kiss you?" Lizzie rolled her eyes, half-smiling, and pushed him down.

"A while." The statement was more jovial, but still had a bitter undertone. He stood up and tried to make another attempt at a kiss. "Edwin, I think we should do our homework. Besides Marti will probably be waking from her after school nap soon." He bit his lip, and begrudgingly complied.

Nora tapped her foot at the doctor's office. George had gone in with Derek for this session and she had nothing to do but wallow in the fervent worries that had overcome her. Not only had her step-son developed some kind of strange, psychotic mania that someone suggested was MPD, but he also had raped her daughter. She knew that her daughter was a virgin, and how passionate she was about having her first time be during the honeymoon after the perfect wedding. Such a romantic dream for Casey, and knowing that he had ruined all Casey's dreams made Nora quite uncomfortable.

She worried about Derek quite often, but leaving Casey alone. Nora wasn't sure that was the best medicine. Loneliness does things to people.

Emily twiddled her pencil on the desk. It was the third day that Casey hadn't come to school. Something must have happened. The two least likely candidates for a fight, Noel and Derek, got into a fight; with each other. _Why? It must have had something to do with Casey…but what? And who was in the right? Well…more in the right? Maybe I should go talk to Casey? Since she's at home, maybe…maybe I can get out of school early and have a chat with her. I feel really bad getting mad over something petty…it's obvious to me now that she was acting different. And I didn't even notice. Yeah…I need to go home early._

Derek sighed and explained, for the fourth time this week, what was wrong with him, what he had been experiencing. He had to include every disgusting detail, even the one where he had raped Casey. Now he knew that they had names though. Thanks to Casey for telling him about a conversation one of them had with her. It was odd of him to think he had a girl somewhere inside of him.

"And last night, Casey came into my room to see if I was okay. We got into a conversation and she mentioned that a couple of these things that come out of me have names…Is that crazy?" The doctor leaned into his hands contemplatively. To Derek it seemed the ultimate form of arrogance. How dare the doctor contemplate, he could be thinking whatever he wanted.

"I need to interview you, Derek, some more, but I am near certainty that you have multiple personality disorder. This is caused by severe sexual and/or physical abuse as a child. It's most prominent in women, but men get it to. The purpose of the personalities is to protect you from memories that you suppressed so severely. Each personality has a job. The most common are ones who protect you, ones who perform sexual acts because the sexual abuse was too traumatic for you to bear, and the ones that develop first are the ones that appear to be numb of pain and have not a worry in the world. Those are the ones that would have defended you as a child." Derek was trying to keep all of this information, but only bits and pieces of it were caught. It was hard for him to understand.

"So, you are saying I was abused…really bad as a kid?" Derek asked with an uncertainty.

"If you have Multiple Personality Disorder, then yes. That is what happened." Derek turned to George. George was still looking at the doctor.

"My s-son was abused? How do we find out who?" His voice was choked back. The shock was a little hard to bear.

"Since the sexual and physical abuse must have happened on a semi-regular basis, obviously someone who interacted with Derek on a semi-regular basis at least. But remember that isn't my diagnosis yet. For the record though, who can you think of besides yourselves?"

There was silence in the room. George stumbled through his memories trying to find a point in time where he wasn't in his son's life that much.

"The entire summer before Edwin was born Abby and I went traveling to various places in Europe and didn't think it would be good to take Derek since it was an extended vacation. He stayed with a baby-sitter." George said in monotone. The memory seemed to pain him. A regret that he thought he should never have had to endure. _Why hadn't I taken Derek with us…?_

Emily waited impatiently in the attendance office. Her mother seemed to deem her reasons for leaving school as unimportant, therefore took her time getting there.

When she finally arrived Emily rushed her back out, and into the car parked just outside. Mrs. Davis dropped Emily off at the curb of their house.

"You going to be alright alone at her house? I know you and Casey were having some trouble." Emily gave a reassuring smile.

"We'll be fine. I just need to talk to her…make sure she's okay." She smiled at Emily, proud of her maturity. Emily's gut turned as she watched her mom leave.

She knocked hard on the McDonald-Venturi's front door. There was no answer. Emily leaned back to try and see if there was any sign of life in Casey's bedroom. Checking the living room window, she saw that no one was in the kitchen or living room. After knocking a couple more times, she tried opening the door.

It was unlocked.

Emily let herself in, knowing that they wouldn't be too upset. It wasn't like she was a thief or anything.

As she walked upstairs there was an eerie silence in the house. Casey's door was open, but when she looked inside there was no one within. The entire room was clutter-free except for one spot on her desk. Her curiousness took over and she got closer.

Examining the letter on her desk, she saw 'To Emily', on a sealed envelope. _For me?_ She grabbed it without hesitation and carefully tore it open. Her heart pounding, she read aloud.

"Dear Emily," She said softly, starting to pace, " I'm sorry I couldn't speak to you before. I forgive you…if you forgive me. It was rude of me to tell you he was just rebound knowing that it would hurt you despite the fact it was the truth." Emily cocked her head to the side and continued, on edge, "I can't say I've been acting myself lately- Very true, very true," She muttered, "It's probably better that you take what happens and leave it at that. Don't ask why. That very question has gotten many men and women killed by many means- What's going to happen?," She questioned, then continued knowing she'd find out eventually, "I don't want you to torture yourself because of me. I love you Emily, and I want you to have my clothes for as long as they fit. Remember how close we were to finding love. You'll find it. You're amazing." Emily smiled, but felt uneasy, "Love, Casey…" She folded the letter back up and stuck it in the envelope. "But…why would Casey give me her clothes? She needs to dress to go out in public too."

Her head tried to solve the riddle, but did so as she left the room. _Casey must be in the house. _As she walked by the bathroom, a drip could be heard from the faucet. _I know! She must be taking a bath! _Emily went to the door and knocked.

"Casey! It's me, Em!" She said happily against the door. "I wanted to talk to you, I'm coming in, so if you don't want me to see anything…cover up or fold yourself up or something." There was no answer. After a few moments silence, Emily slowly opened the door. Behind the curtain Emily saw a small tuft of Casey's hair. She grinned. "There's no point in ignoring me Casey. I just wanted to apologize…and I already saw your letter." No noise but the drip of the faucet. Emily was getting a little agitated.

She walked forward and pulled back the curtain fast. In utter horror she reeled back eying the blood still seeping from her wrist. Her hand covered her mouth, but it did not stop the vomit emitting from the deepest pit of her stomach. Emily was sent on a torturous roller coaster flipping her insides over and over and all she knew was why Casey had wanted her to have the clothing.

In an eon, an everlasting moment, she walked to Casey to see any sign of life. Her breath could be shallowly heard against the calm surface of the water.

Bolting down the stairs to search for the phone, she dialed 911.

"Yes, I need to report a suicide!" She said loudly in to the phone, her attempts to sound formal failing in this time of crisis.

"Is the suicide victim still alive?"

"Yes, I think so! I don't want her to die!" She breathed out, her lungs tempting to suffocate her. "I don't-"

"Calm down mam, Could you please give us the address of your location?" A car pulled up in the driveway. _It must be them. _She thought to herself, referring to Casey's parents.

"Yes." She gave the address and the lady on the other line said an emergency vehicle was on their way. Emily hung up the phone and ran outside. Derek, Nora and George were calmly getting out of the car until Emily came crashing out their front door.

"Emily!" Nora squealed out. Derek gave her an odd look and shut the car door. Emily was breathless and she bent over, her stomach aching. There was vomit on her shirt. "Are you okay?" Nora asked, concerned.

"Casey, She, upstairs, blood," Emily started to cry and she weakly fell to the grass, sobbing. George and Nora looked at each other. Derek sprinted into the house.

Nora followed, her heart racing, scared. George bent over to tend to Emily, a little disgusted at the vomit, though in his heart he felt heavy with worry.

Derek eyed Casey's room, but she wasn't in it. The bathroom door was open and he slowly walked inside. Nora got to the top of the stairs and placed herself behind him.

Afraid, he turned through the doorway; seeing a bathtub of blood, and Casey's head poking strangely out of the red made his stomach turn and caused him to vomit as Emily had. Nora screamed. She ran to her daughter and lifted her from the shoulders.

The sirens could be heard outside.

"She's in the upstairs bathroom." Emily called out to them. Three men ran into the house, one of them with a stretcher.

Nora rocked back and forth with Casey in her arms. The three men reached the bathroom and placed Casey gingerly on the stretcher. Derek stared at her slit wrist. It seemed so terribly deep.

He ran into her room and grabbed a sheet. Derek followed the men walking down the stairs and tossed the sheet over her naked body.

"Nora, I want to go with her." He said. Nora shook her head no. "I'm not _asking _Nora. I'm going!" Derek yelled at her, rushing into the vehicle. She got in behind Derek. It was a little cramped, so one of the men got into the front with the driver. As they shut the door Derek caught a glimpse of Emily, looking confused up at Derek. George had his arm around, comforting her.

The vehicle took off speedily but as gently as possible. The man, whose badge read 'Jared', was wrapping gauze around Casey's bleeding wrist. Derek touched her cheek. It was cold. The sheet was getting a little wet from her body, but he didn't take notice.

"Why'd you do it, Casey?" He whispered.

Casey could feel her body being jerked around. The world seemed to be separated from her mind though. She was on another plane, but his voice still carried inside her heart.

"Why'd you do it, Casey?" He whispered again. Nora began to cry and grasp tightly to her daughters right hand. Casey tried her hardest to move. Her mouth twitched and Derek opened his ears, knowing that she could hear him. "Casey…" Derek whispered endearingly.

"If you…" Casey said in a dry voice, "saw those eyes…" Nora didn't hear Casey, and Derek placed his ear close to her lips to hear her words, "you would know…why…" Her breathing became exhausted from her last word, and Casey's head rolled to the side.

Derek's eyes widened and his head shook no. _No, no, no…_ He grasped her head and made her closed eyes face him.

"Sir, please don't." The medic said forcefully. Reluctantly Derek set her head down.

It was evident to everyone in the vehicle that they had gotten there too late. She was where she wanted to be.


	32. Such a Sweet Kind of Sadness

**Author's Note **The last chapter is the longest chapter in the entire fic. It was one of the hardest for me to write. I hope no one hates me.

**Disclaimer**

Casey's death was a shock to the everyone who knew her. They all knew she was intelligent, they all knew she had spirit to spare, but they didn't know what means she would go to escape all her tears.

After a day of sulking around, Nora knew that she had to tell the other children. Derek, George and herself went to the Venturi's uncle's house. Lizzie's heart fell hard at the news, and she turned to Derek more and more with every word that her mother said. In a moment of raw inhibition she jumped and flailed her arms in Derek's direction.

Every hit he felt was painful, more so emotionally than physically though. Edwin pulled Lizzie off of him but her eyes did not stop provoking Derek's inner guilt.

"I hate you Derek. This is all _your _fault." Lizzie said in a low, quivering voice. The bitterness of her stance intensified the syllables.

"Lizzie, this is no ones fault. This was a decision only Casey could have made." She looked at her mother. "Blaming Derek isn't going to bring her back."

It was all the moments that he wished he was blacked out, that he didn't. Why couldn't he black out now, in this moment where the pain of her death seemed all too unbearable that he could just see and feel nothing for days on end.

To be someone else. To be somewhere else.

After the bathroom was cleaned by professionals, the three younger kids came back home. Only Marti had the guts to go back to school. Then again, it was possible she just didn't understand what going away and never coming back really meant.

Nora was the first to read the letter she left behind. In a family meeting she read the letter to them.

And Casey was right. Lizzie did know what she needed to read the speech to in order for her to hear it, for when that sentence came up she pulled out the keychain Casey had given to her personally before they left the house.

Emily refused to go to school and spent the following days at the Venturi-McDonald household. It seemed to fill the space that Casey had left behind. When Emily was going through Casey's clothes that she had bestowed upon her, Derek entered the room.

"I never wanted to admit it, but she looked damn good in those clothes." Emily turned, but didn't smile.

"Yeah…she did. I never thought I would ever shine as bright as she did." Emily said softly as Derek walked closer. "Even when she was being teased, I was still to the side…not really noticed. Good or bad, everyone saw Casey. It couldn't be helped. Who wouldn't notice the girl who held her head high? Who wouldn't notice the girl who always spoke her mind, no matter what other people thought?" Derek smirked and stood by Emily, eyeing Casey's clothes.

"Even I noticed. I was in love with her Emily." She turned and looked at him. There was a certain amount of understanding and realization in her eyes.

"That makes sense now." Emily half laughed out. "It really does." Derek bent over and picked up one of her maroon shirts.

"I think I drove her to it. With my sicknesses." She set down the skirt she was holding and looked at him.

"Sicknesses?" Derek set down Casey's shirt and sat on the bed.

"Not the flu-type sicknesses…the mental…They think I have MPD." Emily digested the information, but said nothing. "I hurt her. Really bad…" Derek's eyes started to water, but he closed his eyes until the tears went away. Emily sat next to him and put and arm around him.

"I will never forget her, but I will never forget the blood swimming around in the water. I wish I would have never come over here…It didn't do any good." Derek shook his head.

"You're wrong. In her last moments, you let her see how much you cared…and I got to see her just before she went to heaven."

"She destroyed all that she had before her…How can you say she has the opportunity to go to heaven?" Emily said, slightly distraught.

"For girls like her…only heaven exists. God would be a sinner if he willingly sent her to hell…" Emily smiled, but was still a little uneasy with his logic. "You'll be there with me at the funeral won't you?"

"With you?" Derek nodded. "Of course…"

"Sam and Ralph are going to be there too. Sam's real tore up, Ralph didn't really know her. I knew you would be going, being her best friend and all but don't think you have to be afraid of me." Emily grabbed his hand.

"I won't be afraid."

The announcements at Thompson High were grim the day after. Tinker couldn't believe his ears. Max was sent into a spell of self-denial, for he hid behind his popularity knowing that Casey was right about who he really was. Noel felt defeated, and like all that he had tried to do had been a waste because he had wasted a year being afraid of telling her how he felt. All he had now were the what-ifs. He swore to himself he would never be afraid to tell a girl he was interested because time was so short in this world.

The teachers who knew Casey were saddened, because despite her minor perfectionist annoyances, she was a model student, aching for the best grade she could get.

Everyone talked about her. Thinking of all the wonderful traits and skills she had, how hard she tried and how passionate she was. Wondering why she did it.

When a week had passed, and the plans for the wake and funeral were set in motion, they headed to the funeral home they booked.

Casey was cleaned up and dressed in her favorite dress. A pretty white one that she had picked out to wear beneath her graduation robes. Derek eyed her pale face from the front row. She looked fluffy, and gentle, but most of all, at peace.

Emily arrived and placed herself next to Derek. He looked at her and smiled. Never had he appreciated her company more than he did in this moment.

Lizzie and Nora were crying their hearts out, one on each side of Casey's father Dennis. His eyes were red, as though he spent his time crying before he came to the wake.

Sam came behind Derek and pat him on the back. Derek stood.

"Hey." Sam said, not looking at anyone in particular.

"Hey." Derek said, looking down. They both took a seat, knowing nothing more needed to be said.

Ralph never showed, but Noel and his sister did. Derek jumped up and went to greet him. Noel eyed Derek, but didn't dare start a fight here. He stuck a hand out and Derek took it. After shaking hands they both sat down. Noel sat in the back.

When the time came they all lined up to give a short prayer as they walked past her casket. Uniform, they all kneeled beside her, and looked at her empty smile and faded cheeks.

Nora came to her first.

_As a mother I should have seen and felt your pain. I will never let myself become blind again. We all miss you Casey. This past week has been terrible. Emily is always over which seems to be good for Derek. He's taken a deep connection to her, maybe because he felt remorseful over what he did to you. I went into his room the other night when he was sleeping and he was muttering things about babies and having a family. I assume it was with you. I ignored his attractions to you. I'm not stupid…I saw it when he first laid eyes on you. I'm surprised he had the ability to keep that locked away in him for so long. You were destined to inspire, I just didn't think you would inspire the change by your own demise. Wherever you are, make sure you are happy…I know you would never do anything unless you felt it had a purpose. I love you. _

_Casey, I'm sorry things didn't work out with me and your mom. I regret not having more moments with you in my life. I don't know you like I should. I'll make sure I know Lizzie. Why let this tragedy pass and not let us come together? I have a lot of money stored in the bank but for some selfish reason my job has always been important to me when I should have known that it was my family that should've held more weight. I'm going to try and see if I can move and get a job at George's law firm so I can be closer to Lizzie. She needs me, and you needed me. I wish I would have seen that before. _

_Casey, I want to hate Derek as you hated Derek…I know he did something to you…but I don't think I can hate…I'm in too much pain, and I miss you so much. I don't want to hate my big brother…I can tell he didn't want this. I heard him crying last night as I was heading up to Edwin's room to fall asleep in his arms. He's so comfy you know Casey? I never got to tell you that I finally fell in love. _Lizzie squeezed tightly on the keychain. _I'll make sure I always treasure the ones I love. _

_I'm sorry I did those things to you. Not the things that Damien did to you…Though I am sorry for those things…I'm sorry for treating you the way I did ever since you got to move in with us. I shouldn't have done those things to anyone whether I was in love with them or not. And I am in love with you. Thank you…for making sure you said your goodbye to me…because I realize now it was a goodbye. You weren't in love with me. I won't let myself pretend you were, but the fact that you did that for me despite all the anger you had at me…It says a lot Casey, and I can only hope that I can get something good from your memory. I can't wait to see you again._

_We were never close Casey. You did help me stand up to the 'big bad Derek' though. Lizzie helped a lot, but you helped too. By standing up to him the way you did everyday, you made me see that he wasn't as terrifying as I thought he was. I won't treat Lizzie the way Derek treated you…he says he was in love with you, but you don't treat the ones you love that way. It's not right, and that's what I've learned from just knowing and observing you guys. I'll miss your cooking. I'll miss your dancing. Remember? We're dance-buddies. Our little secret. Bye Casey. _

_Hi…Casey, I always liked you as a step-father and I always felt like you would be an incredibly good influence on Derek. Until of course I realized that all you two did was clash. Although I would like to thank you for helping me realize a few things about raising kids, and for helping me see Derek's problems before it was too late…well at least too late for others. I think it may have been too late for you. And I know he hates what's happened, and hates not having you in the house. He's always staring at the chair you sat in at dinner, and he hasn't been sitting in the lazy-chair anymore. He always sits on the couch. Maybe hoping to know what things were like in your point of view. Emily's been coming over a lot. She's really torn up, like we all are, thinking that there was something we could have done. I don't know if there was. Maybe taken more notice of you…took your pain a little more seriously. Bye Casey…_

_Casey, when you come back I'm going to give you a big hug because nobody could read me a story like you could. I miss your voice, so come back already. Sir Monks A Lot misses you…and Daphne must have left with you because she's been gone since you stopped acting like you. I know you will wake up when your prince kisses you, let me know who it is when he finally finds you. Bye Casey! _

_My best friend…My BEST best friend. Of all the friends I've had you were the most empowering. Your spontaneity, yet ability to be organized…Your easiness yet difficulty with boys. How you could talk to anyone without feeling like you had to hold back. That's why you couldn't lie. It was your duty in this world to tell it like it was, but still be so incredibly sweet about it. Even though you were ridiculed at some points, everyone seemed to notice you whether you realized it or not. I don't really understand why you felt this was your only option…but I won't forget you. What's the sense in forgetting an important lesson to be learned? I just wanted to let you know that I broke up with Peter. After all you were right...he was just a rebound, and why waste time with those I don't love when I could be hanging out with the ones that I do love..._

_I know we didn't end up together, but you were brilliant. I knew I wasn't the one. I didn't deserve you, but I never lost interest in who you were. Besides Derek finally told me how he felt about you. And then it all made sense. At least I got the chance to know you. A world without Casey? Now, that's a challenge. I'll truly miss you Casey, and I'll always be thankful for the brief moment in my life where I got to feel how special it was to have you smiling at me._

_I was too scared…too ashamed. All I needed to do was admit it. You were too good of a woman to laugh at me for having feelings for you. I wish I would have realized that logic. You've inspired me to do things because I __want__ to do them, not because I was dared or because someone said I should. You've inspired me to not care about what others think because, even though you were sometimes hurt by what others thought, you never really let it change you until Max came into the picture. But even then, you dumped him and changed back. You knew. You had the secret to being who you were all along and that's something I never want to let go of. Ever. I love you. I hope you see me in Broadway, wherever you are. _

_I didn't know you that well, but I did think you were pretty cute. Even my girlfriend was getting a little jealous. I knew you were straight though, and Noel would kill me if I made a move on you. You had this air around you that seemed so powerful. I wasn't lying when I said that guys looked at you. The reason they never acted on it was because they knew that they couldn't have you. Not because you weren't in the center of the 'popular' circle, and not because Max spread his horrible lies about you and the innuendos we all know never occurred…but because you were a goddess in the body of a not-so-typical high-schooler. They didn't want to ruin you before you had the chance to bloom. _

When everyone got their thoughts out above the face of Casey, they followed the family out to the cars.

The hearse carried her to a church, and the cars followed single file down the highway. It was slow, drudging on in a motion unparallel to any other way of moving. Like you could feel everyone, and feel the way they felt, because it was the same kind of sadness.

The sweetest feeling of sadness.


	33. Sweet Dreams Casey

**Author's Note **This is the last chapter to a truly depressing story to write and to read. To everyone, I hope you let me know your thoughts and if I conveyed things properly. I love writing, and write on this site to better my skills for when I split to write completely original stories and not original plots with someone elses characters. Thank you for meriting this story with some amount of good quality. It means a lot.

**Disclaimer **...

Lizzie walked up to the podium at the front of the church when the minister gave her the signal to give her speech. Her eulogy for Casey.

The silence of the church was overpowering, but Lizzie swallowed her gut and stood up straight, eulogy in one hand and the keychain with Casey's smiling, living face in the other.

"Casey wanted me to give this eulogy. I'm not sure I understand why. I'm nearly fifteen, and she's gone. I can barely understand the fact that she is gone, let alone why she wanted it. It _was _what she wanted, so that must amount for something. Why do something you really don't want to do? That's what she was always doing. What she wanted to do. It didn't matter what anyone else was doing, it didn't matter what anyone thought about _what _she was doing. Nothing could stand in her way."

Lizzie wiped away the tears in her eyes. "I knew this growing up, and I've done my best always doing and feeling despite what others thought. I did come into roadblocks, as everyone does and she was always there to help me. She never turned me away. In fact, if she knew something was wrong she wouldn't stop bugging me until I gave in and accepted her help."

Lizzie let a smile come across her face. She breathed in deep and continued. "I was even annoyed at her willingness and eagerness to help. I thought, if I wanted help, I'd ask for it, wouldn't I? But I think now, and I see that whether I needed help or not I wouldn't ask. It's obvious that she didn't ask for help after the recent events. Do you know what she did instead of making sure she was okay? Casey helped someone else, before she even thought about herself."

Derek cringed because he knew the very truth of that fact. "What does that say about humanity? What does that say about Casey's true character? Her morals were as high as her level of cleanliness. I hold her in high esteem, despite the fact she died at her own hand. I love her unconditionally, and I want everyone to know that, my mom is right, this is _no one's _fault. Rest in peace Casey. You deserve every ounce of sleep you get." Derek smiled, it all felt empty, but Lizzie's statement touched him somewhere inside because he felt as though his heart was growing inside of him.

Lizzie stepped down from the podium and the priest gave a few last statements.

They all followed the Canadian color guard that was carrying her casket out the church doors and into the cemetery at the side.

There was a tent up on the hill and a rectangular hole six feet deep. The whole situation was odd to grasp, but the number was even, because even Casey had the ability to die.

Derek's hand did not let go of Emily's because he was afraid that if he let go, he would go, and though he wanted to black out before, he didn't want to anymore.

The casket went down slowly, and the words of those around him were blocked out. They weren't important. One by one the crowd diminished. The family stayed, reluctant to leave. They wanted to get over it, but not yet.

Eventually they all went home. Eventually they all got used to the empty chair in the dining room, and the bedroom that no one slept in.

Even Nora and George eventually got over the fact that Lizzie and Edwin got married to each other when they reached 25. Marti never forgot about Daphne, but learned about Derek's personalities. That was of course learned when she reached 18.

Derek never fell out of love with Casey, but as his personalities jobs disappeared he fell in love with someone who was there with him the whole time.

Emily and Derek's first child was named Casey, in her memory. Their daughter was the very symbol of Casey and her power to inspire. She was the perfect mix of intelligence and charm. The perfect mix of black and white.

Every now and again, Derek would black out for a spell, but his demons of old had been caged. He remembered what happened to him when he was a child, and it was the least bit of pretty, so no one was told of the torture besides his doctor, specialist and of course, himself.

But you get used to sad things in your life, because they help you enjoy the happier moments with an extra dash of enthusiasm and they never let you take anything or anyone for granted.

And every night he tucked his daughter in bed, because he never let her feel unloved.

She would curl up with her light brown skin placed softly on a pillow, her locks of curly hair laying randomly about her face.

Derek bent over and kissed her cheek, and remembered the Casey he only got to kiss good night once before she left this world.

And to both of them, every night, he bid them good night.

"Sweet Dreams Casey."

**So that is the end. Wow. Thank you to all who followed the fan-fiction. Definitely not something you will EVER see in the actual show, but that's why it's fan-made. I know it'll never be a theme in LWD, but oh do I love the characters. Just so you all know, I don't support rape, and I DON'T support suicide, okay? But I did have to kill her to convey all the morals that I've seriously littered over the ENTIRE story. I love LOVE love constructive criticism, so say whatever you feel you need to say that would have made this better, as long as you don't say it rudely I'm up for it no matter how old the fan-fiction gets! In fact I love constructive criticism to, really, no end. :D Hope you liked it even though I know some of you were hoping/expecting her to live. Trust me, I was too…but something about writing is that these things tend to write themselves. **


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